Forgotten Lives
by BKSloan28
Summary: Seren and Cullen grew up together, were the best of friends, up until the day he left to become a Templar. They'd seen each other rarely and then the blight. They lost all communication, drifting apart; ghosts of a shared past. Then he turns up asking for a favour, one she could not decline. But can they ever get back to what they had before?
1. That Summer

So this is the first fanfic I've ever posted. Ahhh nervous...

A quick thanks to my wonderful friend Alex for being my beta.

Disclaimer: I own diddly squat (well apart from Seren, she's a lovely figment of my imagination). Bioware on the other hand, own both my heart and soul.

I hope you enjoy Forgotten Lives :)

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><p>On a newly built deck that extended out across a lake just outside of Honnleath, there sat a seven year old boy.<p>

The child sat with his feet in the cool, crystal clear water, enjoying the relief it offered him from the sun's harsh summer heat. Occasionally a breeze would pass over the water, spreading ripples on the surface and ruffling the boy's golden curls.

The boy was almost asleep when his stupor was abruptly interrupted by the sound of running feet along the decking. He lifted his head to find a girl careening in his direction, long auburn hair flowing out behind her.

"Move!" She shouted with a mad grin spread across her face. The boy barely managed to avoid the mysterious girl as she took a running dive into the lake, sending great waves in every direction.

The boy wasn't sure why but he began to count in his head, when he reached 30 he peeked his head over the edge of the deck and was instantly met with a wet mass of limbs erupting from the surface of the water. The girl shook the wet hair out of her eyes, treading water as she gripped the deck, whilst suspiciously eying the now soaking-wet boy.

"Don't tell him I'm here!"

She glared at him, took a deep breath and then slipped under the decking leaving the boy sat in shock, completely confused over the events of the last minute.

"HEY!"

He turned to see a middle-aged man jogging towards him, panting. The man stopped just short of the decking, bent over double gulping at the air. "Have you seen my daughter?" He stammered in-between breaths.

"I... Uhhhh... I don't…"

The boy would later wonder what it was that made him trust the whirlwind of a girl that moments ago had almost knocked him into the lake over this seemingly well-meaning adult.

"She went that way sir" the boy said pointing vaguely off into the west

The man looked relieved. "Thank you." He took another breath shook his head, then set off running once more. As soon as the man was out of sight, the boy reached his hand under the water and he felt the girl's hand grip it tightly as she resurfaced, taking large gulps of air in between attempting to speak.

"Holding your breath… for that long is… hard! Why does dad have to be such a _chatterbox_?"

The boy laughed a little.

"I honestly thought you were going to snitch. But... maybe you aren't so bad after all. Seren." She extended her dripping hand to the boy.

"Uhh, Cullen." The boy replied, shaking her hand.

Seren planted her other hand on the decking, pushed herself up and sat next to Cullen, water dripping from her.

"A pleasure to meet you Cullen." She said grinning and Cullen couldn't help but smile back. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I think we're going to be friends." she said as she yanked on Cullen's hand and dragged him into the lake causing another splash that rippled all the way across the lake. He resurfaced, coughing from water he'd inhaled, to find Seren convulsing with laughter. She stood, still giggling. "Best friends!" She said, flashing Cullen a mischievous smile then, she turned on her heels and started jogging back in the direction she had come.

Cullen rested his elbows on the side of the decking and watched as she ran, her wet hair and clothes clinging to her, her bare feet beating rhythmically on the decking. He stared at the trail of watery footprints she left behind, wondering where this mysterious girl had come from and if and when they would meet again.


	2. A Favour

Seren already had one hundred and one things to do that day and dealing with unexpected, uninvited guests were not her highest priority. She'd been inspecting the state of the barracks, which were once again not to standard, when Nina, her second-in-command, had appeared with the news.

"But who is he?"

"He wouldn't say. Said he was here on official business though."

Seren sighed, feeling one of her headaches coming on. She rubbed her temples. "So let me get this straight. You let an unknown man, a _stranger_, into the King's castle, took him to _**my**_ quarters and left him there on his own?"

Nina stood awkwardly unable to meet her Captain's gaze. "I...I hadn't thought of it that way. He said he knew you. That he was an old friend..."

"I don't care if he'd said he was my long lost brother, you should have brought him straight to me! Makers balls, let's just hope he's still where you left him." Seren left the barracks, followed by Nina who struggled to keep up with the Captain's pace as she hurried through the castle towards her office.

Once outside the door, Seren paused and turned to Nina. "If I have a problem..."

"I'll be ready Captain." Seren nodded, turned the handle and went inside.

Cullen jumped to his feet, a little startled by the sudden entrance.

_Not that I should be. She was always one for the grand entrance._ He thought to himself, thinking back to the first time they met.

Seren stopped dead, shocked to find the man who now stood before her. She quickly recovered, composing herself before turning to close the door. "Don't take this the wrong way," she said. "But you were the last person I thought I'd find standing in my office."

"It's good to see you too." He said. She smiled, still facing the wood of the door. She turned, watching the grin that spread across Cullen's face. Without thinking, she crossed the gap between them and hugged him. A little stunned, Cullen stood stiffly at first, and then hugged her back.

After a few seconds, Seren pulled away slightly, but still held his arms, her hands gripping near his elbows.

"It is good to see you." She smiled and looked up into his amber eyes, noting the laughter lines and the hint of stubble across his jaw. He was taller and stronger than she remembered, a great deal more defined. He'd grown up a lot since she'd last seen him. She wondered if he thought the same of her.

"It's been a while hasn't it." She let go and walked behind her desk.

"Yes, over 10 years now." Cullen replied matter-of-factly.

She hesitated, the smile disappeared. "Gosh that long?"

"I know." They looked at each other, strangers, if only momentarily. The spell broke when Seren looked away.

"How time flies." She shrugged and forced a smile. "Well, Knight-Commander what can..."

"It's not..." Cullen interrupted. "That is, I'm no longer Knight-Commander."

"Oh. I heard..." Confusion clear in her voice.

"I belong to the Inquisition now."

"You joined the Inquisition?" She silently cursed herself for the disbelief in her tone.

"Yes, quite recently. That's actually why I'm here." He hesitated, Seren waited for him to continue.

_He's probably come to see the King. The Inquisition needs a favour no doubt. _She couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed.

"I've been recruited as Commander of the Inquisition's forces. They are seriously... How do I put this...lacking? Mainly they are volunteers with little, if any, experience. So I have a favour to ask you."

"If you're asking for recruits from the guard, I can't help you."

"That's not it. I want you to be my lieutenant." Seren's heart stopped.

_That was not what I'd been expecting._

When she didn't respond, Cullen continued, rubbing the back of his neck. "I need someone I can trust, someone who can get things done and is skilled enough to turn civilians into soldiers. And the first person I thought of was, well, you. I know we haven't seen each other for years but you're Captain of the Royal Guard... And we were..."

Seren's mind was racing, as she tried to comprehend what Cullen was saying, what he was asking of her.

_He wants me to be his second-in-command? We've barely spoken, for over 10 years and now, out of nowhere... Why me?_

His body language suddenly changed, somehow removed and she realised she hadn't spoken for too long. "I understand if you aren't interested. It was just..."

"When do we leave?" Seren asked, a little surprised herself.

Cullen was taken aback. "Tomorrow." He replied, surprised by her response. "If you can, of course."

She sat down at her desk, busying herself with some papers. "Of course. I'll have to speak to the King but that should be no trouble. Nina can replace me, it will be a steep learning curve but she'll cope. Well, I hope she will." She looked up to find Cullen studying her curiously. Seren's cheeks flushed red. "Sorry, I'm rambling. It's a bad habit."

"I didn't think you'd say yes. I mean, I hoped you would. But it's been so long."

She smiled. "How can I turn down an opportunity to freeze my arse off in the Frostbacks?"

Cullen laughed, tipping his head back slightly, and Seren thought of how much she'd missed that sound. How much she'd missed him.

_No, not now. That was years ago. We're... Not the people we were._

"You always had an interesting sense of humour." Cullen smiled, the firelight dancing as it reflected in his eyes.

"And you, an interesting sense of style." Gesturing towards the fur lined cloaked draped across his shoulders. The corners of his mouth twitched mischievously.

"Well when you're freezing your arse off, I'll remind you of that."

A knock at the door.

"Come in." Seren shouted, without removing her gaze from the Commander's smirking face. Nina appeared in the doorway.

"Can I get you anything Captain?" She glanced at Cullen, her gaze lingering slightly longer than it should on his handsome features.

"Some tea would be appreciated. Can you also see if the King is engaged? I have to talk to him as soon as possible."

"Is everything alright, Ser?"

"There's nothing to worry about Nina. Just go and find out for me, will you?"

"Of course. Right away." The door closed.

Within a few minutes, Nina returned carrying a tray of tea and a couple of slices of cake. "The King is not currently engaged Ser."

"Wonderful. Cullen, help yourself. I'll go and get the ball rolling." She rose from her seat and left her office.

On the walk through the castle she thought of what she was going to say, of what she had just agreed to, of the man who had just walked back into her life after being a ghost for so long. They'd been friends, best friends and then he'd joined the Templars. He'd left. He'd left everything behind him. He'd left her.

_Not now._

She entered the Great Hall and found the King in conversation with the royal architect, a rather scary woman who could probably make darkspawn cry. As she approached, King Alistair noticed her, relief flooding his features. "Captain! What a pleasure! Some _terribly_ important task that needs my attention no doubt?" King Alistair winked at her. Seren suppressed a smile.

"Yes, Your Majesty. There is an emergency that requires your immediate attention."

"Wonderful! I mean... How dreadful. My immediate attention you say? Well, I am awfully sorry, my lovely Drella, but my presence is required elsewhere. Another time." The King walked off in the direction of the Royal quarters before the architect could respond. Seren nodded at the architect before following after her King.

King Alistair entered his study, Seren closely behind.

"Maker, that woman. I spend half my time trying to avoid her. But she sneaks up on you. It's like she bides her time, just waiting... Give my darkspawn anyday! Anyway, I'm assuming you actually wanted something Captain." The King sat down at his desk, while Seren stood awkwardly, trying to find the words.

"Yes Your Majesty. You see, I wish to resign from my position as Guard Captain." Surprise registered on the King's face.

"Resign?"

"Yes sire."

"May I ask what has brought this about?"

"I have been offered a position in the Inquisition."

"By?"

"Commander Cullen, formerly Knight-Commander in Kirkwall."

"The Templar? From the circle tower?" The King was lost in thought, memories of the ordeal during the blight and then the events at Kirkwall rushing back.

"You know him Your Majesty?"

Alistair glanced at his Guard Captain. "Yes. Well sort of. It was a long time ago..." He recovered. "The Inquisition huh?" He smiled. "It'll be a shame to lose you, but if it is what you want?"

"It is Your Majesty."

"Then I wish you well. You've done an amazing job. I assume you have a replacement in mind."

"Nina Grenick."

"Of course. I'll leave it to you to inform her. When are you planning on leaving us?"

"Tomorrow morning sire."

The King nodded, his face dropping a little. "You will always have a place here, if you ever want it."

"Thank you your majesty." Sadness filled her heart. The King and Queen had given her the chance to do something with her life, they had seen her talent and offered her a position after all that went on in Denerim during the blight. She owed them everything.

The Queen had been missing for several years now, and the King had been lost without her, Seren knew. This wasn't really his forte but he tried. And she would follow him anywhere. He was a good king, a kind man with a generous heart, even if the politics were not his thing. He could make you laugh even in your darkest moments.

The Queen had often recounted stories to Seren, of moments during the blight when even she, the Hero of Ferelden, had all but given up hope. And that in those dark times, Alistair had lifted her spirits, without even trying.

Seren had always sensed the love between them, could see it in the looks they shared and even those they didn't; the glances that no one was meant to see. She dreamed of love like that.

_I had that once_. She thought. _A long time ago. Almost._

Seren turned to leave and then stopped. "Thank you again. For everything."

King Alistair looked up. He smiled. "You do know where you're going right? You might not thank me later. Take a coat. Or two. Or three!" She laughed. "Now go before you change your mind."

"Yes sire." Seren turned and left. Alistair glanced up as the door closed, feeling more alone than ever.


	3. Goodbyes

There was a chill in the air the next morning. Seren had spent the night packing and catching up with Cullen. It had been a little strained at first, the awkward small talk like 'I hope your family are well', but over the course of the evening and with the aid of alcohol, conversation became more relaxed and enjoyable.

Cullen spoke of Kirkwall, the Mage revolt and the Seeker, Cassandra's offer. Seren recounted her time during the blight, her involvement in Denerim and how she came to be Guard Captain. He seemed especially interested in that.

"I thought you wanted to be a Grey Warden?" He'd asked.

"I did. In many ways, I still do. But the Queen suggested I should wait till... Well wait till I've lived a little more. The blight was over. I guess I kind of missed my opportunity." She shrugged. "One day maybe." There was a pause as both became lost in thought. Then Cullen smiled.

"I remember, we used to argue about who was better. The Templars or the Grey Wardens. You were determined you were right."

"I was." She smiled and he laughed.

"Perhaps." Seren noted the far off look that appeared in his eyes but decided not to ask.

_He would tell me if he wanted to. Best not to push things too soon. _

She had wanted to ask about his time during the blight, but he'd changed the subject.

They began reminiscing about their childhoods, the time they'd spent together. He often recounted her stubbornness, with a sneaky smile. And her bossiness. Seren had protested, though she knew his words to be true, but he was only teasing her.

As she finished adjusting the saddle on her horse, she smiled thinking back to their conversation.

Lexi, a beautiful grey mare, standing over 16 hands high, had been a gift from her parents the day she'd left home for good, before the days of the blight. Happier times.

The mare nuzzled at her owner. "Excited hey girl? It's going to be bloody freezing up there. I hope you're prepared."

_I hope I am too._

Cullen led his horse from the stables into the courtyard.

"Almost ready?" He asked.

"Almost."

"Cap... I mean Seren. Sorry, I will get used to that." Nina appeared from the kitchens, carrying a small, cloth-wrapped package. "I just brought you some last minute supplies." She smiled shyly, holding the gift up to her friend, unexpected tears in her eyes. Seren felt the sting in her own.

Seren and Nina had become unlikely friends, mostly due to the relative closeness of their jobs. They relied on one another and a true friendship had grown from that. When Seren had revealed the news to Nina, she had been happy for the promotion but couldn't hide the sadness that she felt for the loss of a friend. It hadn't truly dawned on them till that morning.

"Thank you." Seren pulled her friend into an embrace, which Nina quite happily reciprocated. They pulled away. "Goodbye Nina."

"Goodbye."

Seren put her foot in Lexi's stirrup and pulled herself up. Cullen had already mounted his horse.

"Ready?"

Seren took a final look around the courtyard, trying to store every brick and stone to memory, when she noticed the King stood at the top of the courtyard steps. She nodded to him; he responded equally.

"Ready." She smiled at Cullen as he turned his horse to leave. "Don't fuck up now Captain. Or I'll be back to whip you into shape." She winked at Nina, turned Lexi and rode off after Cullen.

Nina watched her friend disappear, a sad smile on her face, before returning to her new and numerous duties.


	4. The Road to Haven

The journey to Haven was not uneventful, though the days spent riding were mainly just long and tiresome. When they could, the two would stay in village inns, enjoying the comfort of a good meal and warm beds for the night. But as they travelled closer to the Frostbacks, this became increasingly difficult as the distance between villages grew, no doubt due to the harsh weather conditions the west experienced. As a result, for many nights, they found themselves sleeping out under the stars, taking it in turn to keep watch while the other would sleep.

They faced little trouble, except for one night on the road from Denerim when a band of rather unfortunate bandits crossed their path. The outlaws were dealt with quickly and quietly. No fuss and little mess.

They passed through what was left of Lothering. The village had never truly recovered following the invasion by the darkspawn, who thankfully had long since gone.

As they rode through, they noticed the shrine built in memory of those that didn't escape the village in time. Cullen stopped his horse, climbed down and knelt before it, lighting one of the candles. Seren joined him as he silently prayed, even though praying had never been her thing, honouring the dead. Once Cullen was finished, without saying a word, they remounted and left Lothering behind.

The next stop should have been Redcliffe, but as King Alistair had allowed the mages to seek refuge there, Cullen suggested it would be better if they camped a little outside of the village. Seren was surprised to find that he was still wary of mages, after all these years. _But in truth he is a Templar, what can you expect? And after Kirkwall…_

They camped by the edge of Lake Calenhad, just under the cover of the trees before a short beach that ran down into the lake. Cullen said he'd take the first watch, so Seren happily drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

She awoke a few hours later to find that Cullen was not in his usual spot by the fireside. Bleary eyed, she sat up looking for him, soon noticing him kneeling down by the water's edge.

In the pale moonlight, his golden curls shone. The lake itself was illuminated; the moon's reflection lit the dark waters. In the distance, she could see the darkened tower of the Ferelden mage circle.

A gentle breeze rippled around the water, past Cullen to where Seren sat, sweeping her hair off her face and carrying muffled sounds.

In a heart-wrenching moment, Seren realised Cullen was crying. She saw his shoulders heave and fall, listened to his sobs on the wind.

Seren was conflicted. Did she go to him, hold him, this man she had once shared her deepest secrets with? But they were practically strangers now. How could she comfort a man she had barely seen since she was 11 years old? They had changed so much. There were so many things she didn't know about his past.

He was at the Ferelden circle during the blight, this she knew. But he hadn't spoken of his time there at all.

_He waited till I was asleep. He needs to be on his own, at least for now. _Seren lay back down, trying to push the image from her mind.

_I'm here if you need me. I'll always be here Cullen. _She willed him to hear her thoughts, knowing that he couldn't.

She closed her eyes, listening to his despair.

Eventually, the sobs stopped. Cullen walked back up the beach towards the make-shift camp. Seren kept her eyes shut, steadying her breathing so he would think she was asleep.

_He must never know I saw him,_ she thought to herself.

She felt his hand on her arm. "Seren?" He whispered, his voice thick and low. Seren opened her eyes. "Your turn." He removed his hand and walked over to his bedroll.

Seren sat up, pretended to rub her eyes and stretched.

"Aye aye, Commander." The corners of Cullen's mouth twitched, despite his mood. _How does she do that? _He thought. _How can she make me smile even after…_

"Please don't say that when we reach Haven. The Seeker will think I brought a pirate back with me."

"I've always wanted to be a pirate. Well, after being a Grey Warden of course. I thought I'd make a good pirate." Cullen snorted.

"You can't stand boats. We saw your lunch _twice_ that day my father took us fishing." He said as he lay down, pulling his blanket over himself.

"Hey! That was a long time ago!" Seren flushed a little, slightly mortified that he remembered that.

"How many times have you been on a boat since?"

"Well, I errr haven't."

Cullen chuckled smugly.

"I could so be a pirate Cullen Rutherford. Don't you deny it."

"Whatever you say Seren." And he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Seren smiled to herself.

_At least he looks peaceful in his sleep._

For a while, she sat staring at the fire as it died away, watching the embers dance in the darkness. She thought of Cullen, worried about him, wondered what had happened to him.

She thought of the carefree boy of thirteen who went off to join the Templars, all smiles and waves.

She thought of the man who returned at eighteen, for his sister's wedding. How much he'd changed. How much she'd missed him, how excited she'd been to see him.

She looked at the man that now lay just on the other side of the embers, sleeping quietly, peacefully. He was changed once more. Older. Scarred. Experienced.

_Haunted…_

Cullen's breathing changed. It became rushed and shallow. He thrashed and yelled.

"Don't… please don't… stop… _please_"

Seren was on her feet. She was by his side in an instant, but his eyes were still closed.

_He's dreaming…_

"Cullen. Cullen, it's all right. Just wake up. You're dreaming."

He continued to thrash, pleading with an invisible entity. Begging.

"Cullen!" Seren took his hand in hers, gently caressing the top of his hand with her thumb. "It's okay, Cullen. Just wake up." She placed her other hand on his chest. His eyes opened, unseeing and lost. He jolted upwards, sweat beading on his forehead. His breath was jagged. At first he didn't recognise her. Then it all came crashing down.

Seren studied his face, adrenaline pulsing through her body, her heart in her mouth. She didn't know what to say.

Cullen pushed away, got up and walked down to the lakeside. Seren watched him go and then followed carefully behind.

"I didn't want you… to see…"

"Cullen, it's okay…"

"No!" He shouted at the lake, clenching his fists, without turning to face her. Seren jumped a little, shocked by his outburst. For a moment, neither said anything.

Cullen finally took a deep breath, unclenched his fists and sighed, his shoulders sagging with the effort. "I'm sorry, Seren." He turned to face her, his features contorted with remorse. "I didn't…"

"I know. You don't have to apologise. Not to me." She smiled a sad smile.

"That's not true. I just didn't want you to see me like… that."

"Do you…" She hesitated. _You have to ask. _"Do you dream often?"

Cullen winced as if he'd been hit. Seren instantly regretted asking the question but it was too late. He ran his hand through his hair, a pained look on his face.

"Yes. Most nights actually. All since…" He turned away again, staring off across the lake. Towards the distant circle tower.

"You don't have to tell me. We're all allowed our secrets." Seren said softly, hoping he would trust her enough to open up. He turned, searching her face, finding only kindness and worry in her features.

Cullen sighed. "No, you should know. I just… don't know where to start."

That night he told her of the fall of the circle tower, the corruption of the mages and the torture he had endured until the Hero of Ferelden had arrived to rescue them. He spoke of his distrust, hatred even, of mages and how for many years, it had consumed him.

He told her how he had ran away to Kirkwall, and yet even there he was haunted every night by the demons that had played with his mind. He wasn't the same person he had been.

Seren had listened, horrified by what she heard. But out of the horror, a new-found respect for the man that fought demons in his nightmares and yet still got up every morning, carrying on. She knew that he couldn't see the strength he possessed. In his shoes, Seren doubted she could do the same.

By the time Cullen had finished his story, the sun was beginning to rise. The first light of dawn spread across the lake, slowly at first and then like a great flood; its warmth filled the valley, banishing the night's chill.

"And yet, the dawn still comes." He said, glancing across the lake towards the tower.

"The dawn will always come." Cullen caught Seren's eye. In that moment, he knew he'd made the right decision to recruit her, to trust her with his secret. He felt like a weight had been lifted, even if only a small one. They held each other's gaze for quite some time. Seren smiled.

"We'd better get going. Before someone spots us."

"Aye aye Lieutenant." Seren snorted. The spell was broken.


	5. Getting Settled

"Cold?"

"Don't smirk at me Cullen Rutherford."

Out of the corner of her eye, Seren could see the corners of his mouth twitch as he tried to supress his grin, readjusting his fur lined cloak purely for effect. She rolled her eyes.

"Enjoy it while you can. I'll get you at some point."

"Of course you will." Cullen smirked, making sure he had wound her up just enough. A messenger appeared.

"Report for you Ser."

"I'll leave you to it Lieutenant." He walked away still smiling to himself, leaving Seren to her post.

_I'll get him. Maker, I swear I'm going to wipe that smug grin…_

"How's it going, Red?" Varric Tethras, the storyteller and previous companion of the Champion of Kirkwall, appeared at her side.

"Seren." She corrected, unamused by her new nickname.

She crossed her arms, and began stamping her feet, desperately trying to encourage the warmth back into her limbs.

"I know." He smiled, watching her. "Cold?"

"No. This is just for fun."

"It looks it." The conversation lulled. Seren eyed the dwarf suspiciously.

"Do you want something Varric?"

"Only the scoop on you and Curly."

"Curly?" It dawned on her. "You mean Cullen?"

"The one and only."

_Here we go._

"We're not star-crossed lovers if that's what you're thinking."

"The thought never crossed my mind."

Seren rolled her eyes again.

_Typical. So bloody typical._

"We grew up together. We used to be best friends and then he left to become a Templar. End of story." She shrugged, hoping it would seem like it didn't bother her as much as it did.

"Used to be?"

"We haven't seen each other in a while. It's been a lot of playing catch-up."

"That wasn't as juicy as I'd hoped."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"It must have bothered you. Losing a… friend?"

"If you are looking for new plot ideas Varric, I suggest you look elsewhere."

"Touchy subject?"

"No, just ancient history." Seren looked straight ahead, ignoring the dwarf, hoping that he would get bored and move on.

"What isn't." Varric left without another word.

A freezing wind blew across the white landscape, lifting fresh, uncompact snow in swirling patterns just feet from the ground. The breeze stung her face, turning her cheeks red and numb. It caught the loose strands of hair, those too short to be held in place by the hairband she wore, which framed her face. She tucked them neatly behind her ears.

_Maker, where is my replacement?_

Since arriving in Haven, the enthusiasm Seren had left Denerim with had faded and died, leaving in its stead a hatred for minus temperatures and the lack of hot water. Having to break up the ice before washing in a morning lost its charm unsurprisingly quickly.

Inspecting the troops had been an interesting experience too, for Seren soon realised Cullen had used the term 'lacking' quite generously.

_This is going to be more work than I'd thought._

From day one, she'd had them running double drills in the hope that pushing them would increase their stamina at least. Skill comes second when most of them can't even hold up a shield for more than five minutes.

The forces were still small, which meant there weren't enough people to actually do everything, leading to some very long days. Cullen pulled his weight though, unlike some superiors she had known in the past. They often found themselves working late together on reports that became increasingly tedious with every candle that burnt down and went out.

The peace talks were only days away. Seren wondered if the conflict could truly be straightened out, after all that had gone on. She could understand the mages wanting more freedom, knew that the Templars had grown oppressive in recent years. But magic did have a tendency to cause problems. **Big** problems.

There was no easy answer, no clear path to take.

She had spotted Divine Justina a few days previous. She was being ushered around, surrounded by busybody chancellors all with very important opinions Seren was sure.

The position of Divine was not one Seren had ever thought to be enticing. They always appeared so harried and worn down by the constant pressures of Chantry life. Being a soldier was no easy job either, but at least you got to ease the tension by hitting things with swords. Seren couldn't imagine having prayer as the only source of relief.

The Divine's Right and Left hands were always close by.

Seren had met Leliana many years ago but knew little of her, other than the stories the Queen had told her.

The Seeker, Cassandra, had been waiting for them to arrive.

"This is her?" Cassandra had asked.

"Yes, this is Seren."

"A pleasure to meet you Lady Cassandra." Seren watched the seeker, feeling her eyes inspect every inch of her.

"I hope you are all what Cullen has said of you." She turned to him. "We require your presence."

"Of course. Rylen! Can you show Seren where she needs to be?"

"Ser."

The day was a mix of trepidation and excitement, a whirlwind ride that passed in a flash. She didn't even catch a glimpse of Cullen till he debriefed her that night, asking her how her day had been.

"That Cassandra's a real ball-breaker." He'd laughed.

"You can say that again. Seriously though, how was today?"

"Like trying not to drown when you are out of your depth." Cullen looked at her, concerned. She held up her hands. "I'll be fine. Day one is always like trying to locate chicken's teeth. I'll get the hang of it." _Eventually._ Seren changed the subject, never enjoying sympathy."Rylen's… interesting."

"He reminds me of you."

"I'll try and take that as a compliment."

Cullen produced a bottle of what looked like rum. "To celebrate your first day?"

"Do you need to ask?"

_That had been really bad rum. _Seren shuddered at the memory.

_Where the bloody hell…_

"Lieutenant, I'm here to relieve you." Wilson, a recruit with probably the same number of brain cells as fingers on his hand, presented himself with his poorly fitting helmet slipping to one side as he tried to tuck his shirt into his trousers beneath his chest plate. In honesty, he looked quite comical but Seren had to set an example.

"About bloody time! Where have you been? And do you honestly think it's acceptable to turn up to your post dressed… well like that?" She banished the smile that threatened, instead displaying her best scold.

"No Lieutenant. Sorry Lieutenant." He muttered, his cheeks flaming red.

"You're on report. Turn up late, like_ that,_ again and I will make sure you regret the day you were born." She stalked off, feeling relatively pleased that she pulled off being a hard-arse, leaving Wilson to his post. He wore a slightly terrified look for the rest of the day.

_Maker he looked a mess. _She smiled, shaking her head.

_He'll get there though. _

_I hope._


	6. Seeing Green

OK so I couldn't wait to post another chapter for you all :) I hope you are enjoying this story so far because I'm having a ball writing it. Please leave a review, even one sentence would be amazing. I'd love to hear what you think, or if you have any suggestions or questions! I'll be posting again tomorrow!

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><p>"They just had to hold the peace talks here. Here. The back of beyond." She thought for a moment. "Actually I think I'd prefer the back of beyond. Especially if it was warm."<p>

"Are you just going to complain the whole time?" Seren ignored him.

"I mean sure, the risk of losing fingers and toes does make the proceedings _so_ much more exciting, but just remind me again why they chose this _lovely_ location."

"It's the Temple of Sacred Ashes, a symbol of hope."

"Couldn't they have picked some other lovely religious symbol though? Somewhere warm? Obtaining chill burns isn't nearly as fun as sun burns."

"You're terrible, you know that?"

Mischievously, Seren smirked at the Commander. "I do. I work hard at it."

Cullen shook his head, giving up trying to hide his smile.

"How long do you think they'll be up there?" Seren crossed her arms, hugging her torso, trying to keep the chill from her bones. Standing on the wall, looking up at the conclave, had been Cullen's bright idea.

"Maker only knows. I doubt they'll be done any time soon though." Cullen shrugged his shoulders.

"Stop with the cloak."

"I don't know what you mean." He grinned at her; she responded with a look of amused disapproval.

_He thinks he's so funny. Smug bastard._

Then, an explosion of green light. A pulse shot in all directions, its force driving everyone to the ground as it shook beneath them.

Seren hit the ground hard, her knees consuming the impact, gasping with pain. Cullen had gone down just to her right. She looked up at the sky, fear gripping her heart.

_What the…_

"The conclave…" She glanced at Cullen, horror and shock overwhelming them both.

"We've got to move." The Commander was on his feet, barking orders to everyone within proximity.

Seren stood, her knees protesting as she grabbed her shield from its resting place against the wall. She ran after Cullen, trying to unsuccessfully ignore the gaping hole in the sky.

With a squad of maybe 15 men, the Commander and his Lieutenant began the ascent up the mountain to the temple.

There were bodies. Everywhere. Charred remains, disfigured and inhuman. The smell was putrid, one of those heavy and dense smells that gags you. A few of the recruits had to stop to vomit, but to their credit, they pulled themselves together and carried on.

"Keep an eye out for survivors!" Cullen shouted to the men, but Seren knew no one could survive this. She glanced at the Commander as they ran, his features set in grim determination. They pushed on. The temple came into sight.

_It's gone. All gone. So many dead._

The breach cast an eerie green glow across the scorched landscape, illuminating the corpses and destruction of the temple.

They searched and shouted, trying to find anyone still alive. But it was hopeless. Until…

A tear appeared at the temple entrance.

_Demons. _Cullen and Seren both acknowledged the unspoken thought, nodding to one another to prepare.

"Stand ready!" Cullen roared. Seren took her place next to him, sword and shield side by side. Sweat dripped down her face, the beat of her heart pounding in her ears. She steadied her breathing, ready for whatever Maker-forsaken creature would come charging out of the rift.

But no such creature came. Instead, a woman appeared and then she was down. In the gap behind her though…

_No it can't be… She's not… _

The figure disappeared as the tear closed in on itself.

The soldiers stood, stunned and silent. Cullen and Seren glanced at each other and then at the woman who lay unconscious at their feet. Seren was the first to move, sheathing her sword.

The woman, perhaps a few years younger than herself, had an unfamiliar face. Seren knelt beside her, hand outstretched.

"Don't!" Cullen shouted. "Look at her hand."

And that she did, noticing the glowing green mark that split the hand of this impossible survivor. The Commander came to Seren's side.

"What is it?"

"I have no idea."

"Is she…?"

"I don't know. But I don't think so. Apart from the hand, she looks normal."

"How could she have survived?"

"Perhaps a good question for when she wakes up. Can you carry her?" Cullen looked disgusted.

_He thinks it's her fault. _For whatever reason, her instincts told her sighed. "Fine, I'll…"

"I've got it." He placed his hands beneath the survivor's back and lifted her like she was light as feathers.

"We shouldn't take her back." The recruit, Wilson, stood in Cullen's path.

"Stand down." Seren snapped. "That's an _order_, recruit."

"She's dangerous. Look at her hand!" Wilson whined.

Seren moved so she was inches from his face. "Right now she's the only one who might know what happened here, do you understand? She's going back to Haven. No debate." He didn't move.

"Don't cross me recruit." She added, placing her hand on her sword hilt.

The recruit reluctantly backed down.

"Keep looking. We'll send reinforcements."

Seren and Cullen, carrying the survivor in his arms, began the descent back to Haven.


	7. The Mountain Path

The way back down wasn't as straight forward. Rifts were opening up all over, spewing out demons from the depths of the fade.

With Cullen incapacitated, the still unconscious woman safe in his arms, Seren was left to deal with the monsters. Luckily there weren't too many, and so far only the less powerful had come through, so she made short work of them. Saying that though, by the time they reached Haven, she was exhausted. She could feel her sodden clothes sticking to her body, sweat pouring out of her skin despite the freezing air.

Cullen handed the woman over to the Seeker, explaining the situation at the temple. "The only survivor?" The Seeker had asked.

"So far." Cullen replied. Seren watched from a distance, as Cassandra's pained expression flooded with rage. 'The Survivor' very quickly became 'the Prisoner'.

"Lieutenant." Leliana approached, graceful and calm as ever. "I am sending scouts up the mountain path and I wish for you to go with them." Seren glanced at Cullen. "I shall clear it with the Commander."

"Of course."

"I see you found a survivor." Leliana wavered before asking in hushed tones. "Was there any sign…?"

"I don't think anyone else survived." Seren replied hesitantly, keeping her voice low. "It's a mess up there. I'm sorry…" _About the Divine. _She left her sentence unfinished, hanging in the air.

"Now is not the time for sympathies." Out of the corner of her eye, Seren saw Cullen and the Seeker disappear into the Chantry. Leliana followed.

Chaos ensued, as Haven collapsed in panic. People were petrified; some ran, some hid. Many cried, already grieving for those lost at the conclave. The Chantry was swarming with those seeking refuge. It was too much to bear.

Seren darted into her tent, trying to escape the turmoil. She was shaking, cursing herself for being weak. She filled a cup with water, drank the lot in one go before pouring another, which emptied in a similar fashion.

_Pull yourself together woman. _

She slammed the cup down, gripping the table edge as she tried to calm her racing heart.

"Seren!" She heard Cullen shout from outside. She took a deep breath, grabbed her helmet, which she had completely forgotten during the first trip up the mountain, and left the tent to find Cullen.

"Here!" He looked relieved. "What's the plan Commander?"

"I'm glad you haven't left yet. I need help setting up a forward camp, then you are to go with the scouts."

"Right away Commander."

Within half an hour, they were mobilised, moving to the designated location for the forward camp, carrying only essential equipment. The camp was to be set up on the bridge half way up the mountain, where no rifts had opened so far.

Once there, Seren had the recruits constructing a small number of tents and building defences by the gates. Leliana's scouts arrived shortly afterwards, and one approached.

"Lieutenant?" She nodded. "We are ready to leave when you are."

"I'll be right with you." Seren searched for Cullen in the sea of people now occupying the camp. In the end, she spotted his cloak first.

"Commander!" She shouted. He turned at the sound of her voice, stress twisting his features. "The scouts have arrived."

He nodded. "Go." But he didn't look away.

"Commander." _Be safe. _Unspoken but thought by both.

Seren returned to the scouts and before long, she was on her way back up the mountain. There were more demons now but the team worked well, dispatching the creatures with ease.

They had little trouble in the mine. They made short work of the creatures that came for them, only suffering minor injuries themselves.

It wasn't until they left the tunnels that it really began.

They were ambushed, a larger number here and stronger. Men were caught unawares, cut down where they stood.

Seren saw the Shade just in time, its claws missing her face by mere centimetres. She swung round, striking at the beast. It shrieked, rearing back but it came back at her. Raising her shield, she smashed into it, sending it back once more, but it didn't go down.

An arrow flew past her head, straight into the demon. It shrieked as it melted down into the floor, disappearing into the depths from which it came. Seren turned and nodded in gratitude to the scout.

There were only 4 of them now, but together they took down the rest.

"Everyone good?" The others nodded, clearly exhausted.

"What do we do Lieutenant?" The thought of retreating to the forward camp crossed her mind. But Seren buried it.

_Maker knows what's behind us now._

Determined to complete her task, she replied, "Catch our breath. Then we keep going."

They rested for a few minutes. Seren couldn't take her eyes off the sky, the breach growing larger with every passing minute.

"Do you think it will stop growing?" The archer sat down to her.

"I have no idea."

"Can we close it?" The scout looked so helpless.

"For now, we can keep fighting. Someone will know what's going on. Someone always does." Seren stood. "Right let's get moving."

The ground shook. A rift opened up just ahead.

_Andraste's tits, will they never give up?_

Demons poured out, more than before. And larger. Seren had never seen a terror demon before, only seen drawings in books. They looked even more terrifying in reality.

Wraiths followed the demons, floating through the air, glowing a ghastly green.

"Stand ready!" The monsters spotted them, beginning their attack. "Now!"

The two archers shot arrows, while Seren and the remaining scout ran forward.

The lieutenant swiped at the demons legs, taking them from under it. The terror demon fell. She whirled round, thrusting her sword into the monster's torso. A green flash, and she was thrown back, smashing her head against a wall.

Her ears rang, but the helmet took the majority of the impact. She stumbled to her feet and ran at the wraith, dodging the shots it flung in her direction. What Seren lacked in physical strength, she made up for in speed.

Another flash, blocked by her shield. She rammed it, then stole a hit with her sword, feeling the metal strike true. The wraith exploded, drawn back into the rift.

The archers were running low on arrows now, and the other scout was struggling, his strength waning as he fought the terror demon. Seren sprinted to his aid, striking a blow in the monster's back. It screamed and swung at her, knocking her to the ground.

_We can't keep doing this. _

Then out of nowhere, an icy blast struck the demon. Seren saw figures approaching.

_The survivor?_

The woman from the temple ran forward clutching two daggers and attacked the demon, plunging the weapons in deep. Seren got to her feet, running to assist.

With the help of the survivor and her companions, the fight was over quickly. And then something amazing.

The survivor lifted her hand towards the rift, green light shooting from the mark on her hand, and it closed. Just like that. Gone.

Seren, consumed with astonishment, glanced at the companions the woman had brought with her. Cassandra, Varric and the bald elf, Seren thought to be named Solas, stood behind her.

"Lady Cassandra!"

"Lieutenant! You're alive!" Cassandra seemed equally surprised to see them.

"Just barely."

Solas turned to the survivor. "Sealed as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this."

"Let's hope it works on the big one." Varric said.

"Thank the Maker you arrived Lady Cassandra. I don't think we could have held out much longer." Relief consuming her.

"Thank our prisoner Lieutenant. She insisted we come this way." Seren turned to the survivor.

"It was worth saving you if we could." The woman smiled.

"Then you have my sincere gratitude." Seren bowed a little, thanking the stranger.

Cassandra spoke. "The way into the valley behind us is clear for the moment. Go, while you still can."

"At once. Quickly, let's move!" Seren led the scouts back the way they came, turning only to see the other group disappear up the path towards the temple.


	8. The Herald

The breach was no longer growing thanks to the survivor, who was now being referring to as the Herald of Andraste. The new name didn't sit very well for Seren. In truth, she couldn't ignore the fact that she'd seen a female form in the tear just before it closed but could it truly be the Maker's bride? It just seemed so fairy-tale.

_And life doesn't work that way._

The Herald had been unconscious now for three days and the Lieutenant had heard the hushed whispers, the rumours of her poor health, that she might not live.

_Well we're all buggered if she doesn't._

For the third day in a row, Seren sat at Cullen's desk, finishing both her own and his reports, after being put on light duties following her return from the mountain path.

She'd arrived back at the forward camp just as the Herald had tried to close the breach. The ground had shook again, but the hole remained in the sky. She'd fallen, exhaustion overwhelming her; the adrenaline that had kept her on her feet completely spent.

Seren sighed, feeling the cold stones beneath her knees, unable to find the energy to lift her heavy bones from where they rested, crumpled on the floor. Then Cullen had appeared, offering her a hand to help her stand. She took it wearily, thankful for his support.

"Commander." Acknowledging him gratefully.

"Lieutenant." He guided her over to the wall, which she happily leaned against.

Seren removed her helmet, hair falling to her shoulders, her face dripping with moisture. Cullen passed her a cloth, which she buried her face in, trying to ignore that everything was beginning to spin slightly.

"Well that was fun." She managed.

"I can imagine." He smiled stiffly. She used the cloth to wipe the nape of her neck, a breeze tossing her hair behind. When she pulled the cloth away, it was drenched in blood.

"Maker's breath! Seren, you're bleeding!" Alarmed, Cullen reached out as Seren went dizzy and lost her footing. She collapsed in his arms, her eyes drifting shut. "Rylen! Get a healer!"

"Right away Commander!"

"Seren! Can you hear me?"

"Yes I can hear you. Jeez you don't have to shout." She smacked him in the chest with the back of her hand.

"You're bleeding."

"So you've pointed out." She said faintly. She opened her eyes, found the world was still spinning and shut them sharpish. "I hit my head. Head's bleed… I'll be fine… help me up would you…?" She tried to push herself up.

"Just stay there." Pushing her back slightly. "Why didn't you say something straight away?"

"Cos I didn't realise I was bleeding stupid."

He smiled, unsurprised that she was still trying to make jokes. "You knew you'd hit your head."

"That bloody wraith fucking sent me into a wall." She opened one eye. Cullen was trying not to laugh. "It's not funny!" She exclaimed.

"No, you flying through the air and landing on your arse never is." She whacked him again. "Steady, or you'll hurt yourself." He teased.

"Grow up would you."

"Only if you do."

Rylen had arrived back with the healer, who declared Seren had a moderate concussion, healed the wound as best he could and then hurried off to deal with the other injured soldiers.

And, despite her protests, Cullen had put her on light duties until she had 'fully recovered'. She had to admit her head was sore, the occasional headache cropping up from time to time, but it was nothing she hadn't had to deal with before.

_He still treats me like a child, I swear he'd wrap me up in cotton wool if he could. _

She signed her initials at the end of the report she was writing, sighed and put down her quill.

_I'm going to have to talk to him about. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful._

The candle that lit the desk was now just a stump, though the flame still flickered in the draught that came through the open tent flap, not quite ready to go out. Seren watched it for several moments, before deciding that if she was at the point where watching flames was entertaining, it was time to go for a walk. She blew out the candle.

She stood, stretched out the knots in her back from bending over the desk for hours, and then walked to the tent opening.

The bright afternoon light was painful. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes, squinting against the excessive light levels.

Once her eyes adjusted, she noticed people were crowding around.

_What's going on now? Nothing serious surely. I'd have been informed._

She strolled over to them, finally hearing the excited whispers.

_She's awake! _They whispered.

_The Herald! _

_She's alive._

And there she was, the Herald herself, her short brown hair slightly dishevelled, an awkward expression on her face; a deer caught in headlights look in her blue eyes. She was making her way to the Chantry, most likely to find the Seeker, who had been fretting over the Herald's health since they had returned from the Temple.

The Herald caught her eye and even though Seren knew she wouldn't recognise her, she bowed slightly, smiling gently. The Herald smiled back, uncertain but friendly.

Others began to bow, seemingly Seren had started something.

_Always the trendsetter. _Seren sniggered, rolling her eyes.

The Herald disappeared from view and Seren turned towards the gate having decided to check on Lexi. A few recruits were practising by the tents, but there was no sign of the Commander, and she couldn't help feeling relieved. In her mind, the conversation they needed to have could wait as long as possible.

Lexi was stood in her stall as usual, munching on the feed the stable hands had left for her. The mare looked up when her owner entered, and whinnied.

"Hey girl. Good to see you too." Seren grabbed a brush from the shelf by the stable door, and entered the stall, careful to shut the gate behind her. "Beautiful girl." She cooed, beginning to brush Lexi's mane, enjoying the distraction. As she brushed, she spoke to her horse as she often did, telling her all that had happened.

After a good half hour, Seren heard footsteps approaching, but assuming it was only one of hands, she continued brushing Lexi.

"And now he's got me doing reports. Like I'm an invalid. I hit my head, I didn't lose a limb for Maker's sake."

"Talking to yourself. That's the first sign of madness I think." She felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

_He would be behind me. _

Cullen lent on the stall door, arms crossed lazily in front of him, the corners of his lips curving into a smile, his eyes ablaze with mischief.

Seren tilted her head, trying to look unimpressed rather than embarrassed. "I'm not talking to myself. Lexi's listening." She kept brushing.

"Are you annoyed at me for looking after you?"

"Don't twist what I said." She couldn't look at him. "I'm just… I'm not a little girl anymore."

"I know that."

"Then why put me on light duties when I said I could handle it?" She spun round, wanting to see his face when he replied.

He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought you could use the rest. You've been working really…"

"Bullshit. Try again."

"Seren…"

"Admit it, you still see me as the eleven year old you used to climb trees with. Badly, might I add."

"I could climb trees perfectly…" She gave him a look. "Alright, maybe not perfectly..."

She sighed impatiently. "It's not going to work if you don't let me do my job! I know what I can do. And equally, I know what I can't. You just have to trust me Cullen."

"I do trust you." The mischief vanished, replaced by sincerity. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." She smiled and changed the subject. _That's enough confrontation for one day._

"So the Herald's awake then."

"That she is. And the Inquisition is official. Or at least, will be very soon."

Seren nodded, then asked "What do you think of her?"

"She seems determined to help"

"Why does that sound ominous?"

"She is..."

"Lacking?"

"I wouldn't put it…"

"She's a noble."

"How did you know?" The Commander asked astounded.

Seren shrugged. "She walks like she's got a stick up her arse."

"Ahh yes, the most reliable class identification." He teased.

"I got it right didn't I?"

"True." He conceded.

"She's not the eldest in her family?"

"No."

"Well, there you go."

Cullen looked confused.

"She's not the heir, so she won't have been trained as rigorously. She seemed to be hold her own up on the mountain path though."

"She wants to go to the mages for help to close the breach." She could see this fact bothered him.

"You think she should go to the Templars?" _Still? After everything? _Seren couldn't bring herself to say her true thoughts out loud.

"They could deal with the breach as effectively, if not more so. It is reckless to introduce more magic."

"I suppose."

"You don't agree?"

"I… I'm glad it's not my decision." Cullen wanted to pursue the matter, but he let it drop, not wanting to cause another argument.

There was a pause, as they thought of something to say.

"The Inquisition could use a few more horses by the look of it." He couldn't help noticing the many empty stalls.

"You should find Master Dennet." It was out before Seren could stop it.

"Master Dennet?"

"He's… He was the horsemaster for the Arl of Redcliffe, but he retired a few years ago to one of the Redcliffe farms. He's the best horsemaster I've ever known, knows what he's talking about and gets the job done."

"He would help us?"

Seren thought about it. "If we had something to offer him or did him a favour, I don't see why not. He's a bit… temperamental though."

"I see. I'll suggest it. It can't hurt to try, right?" Cullen stood as if to leave, hesitated and said, "From now on Lieutenant, as long as the healer agrees, you are off light duties."

"Thank you Commander." Then he was gone.


	9. The Challenge

"You there! There's a shield in your hand. Block with it. If this man were your enemy, you'd be dead." Cullen shouted, shaking his head, exasperated. They seemed to be getting nowhere quickly and it was beginning to take its toll on the Commander. He was struggling, weary from restless nights fighting demons and the endless number of reports that required his attention.

"Don't hold back recruit." Seren stood by a pair as they fought one another, watching their technique, both to praise and critique. "Not like that. Like this." She demonstrated a sweep, displaying the proper footwork and follow through. The recruit nodded, and mimicked the move. "Yes, perfect."

She moved over to the training dummies, satisfied the recruits could carry on independently. A young female volunteer was busy bashing away. Seren grimaced, watching as the recruit left herself wide open, of course to an attack that would never come, but one that certainly would in reality.

"Steady on. You'll be taking the stuffing out in a minute."

"Sorry Lieutenant." The woman stepped back, embarrassed.

"It's okay. What's your name recruit?"

"Brett, Ser. Louise Brett."

"Well Brett, you're at a slight disadvantage. One that I too share." Seren stepped up to one of the training dummies. "You see, we can never be as strong as men. As a result, we've always got to be at the top of our game." She brought her sword down across the dummies torso, then spun away from the invisible attack of her opponent.

"We have to be fast, sharp and skilled. You have to spot your enemy's weakness and exploit it." She went for the legs, then blocked with her shield. "But equally, we must know when to defend and not leave ourselves open to attack."

Seren went in for the 'kill', expecting the soft fabric to absorb the force of the hit, only to feel, and hear, the clash of metal. The impact reverberated up her arm, a gasp escaping from her lips.

"Should we see if there is meaning in your words?" Cullen smiled, one eyebrow raised as he offered his challenge. Seren's lips curled.

"It would be my pleasure." The two withdrew their swords, taking their positions.

The Commander's face became a mask of sobriety. He attacked, a strike that Seren easily dodged, returning an attempt of her own, which he blocked with his shield. Her sword smashed on the metal, but she recovered and returned to her starting stance.

He came again, their swords clashing, but he was stronger, she couldn't hold it for long. She pulled back her sword, spinning away just in time, his sword only narrowly missing her.

_He's not messing around. _

He watched her intently, a hawk eyeing his prey. All the recruits were watching now, some were even cheering, others heckling.

He landed several more blows on her shield, weakening her arm with every hit. She returned as many as she could, but he could read her, knew exactly where she would target, predicting every attack, defending accordingly.

_Well this is going to be embarrassing._

For a time, they continued to exchange blows, a never-ending cycle of countering then retaliating, and both were growing slower with every passing minute. Cullen's curls glistened with moisture, while Seren could feel the trails of sweat as they etched their path down her cheeks, down her neck.

Seren made a snap decision, something he wouldn't expect.

_It's my only chance._

She ran at him, bracing herself for the impact. Their shields collided, the shock running up her arm, but she heard him grunt, not expecting the full force of her weight to come charging into him. He lent forward, trying to push her back. Over their shields, they glared at each other.

Seren whirled to her right, retracting her shield arm as she went.

The Commander stumbled forward but regained his footing, though not for long. His Lieutenant rammed him from behind. He fell to his knees, the point of her sword resting on his back. The recruits cheered.

"And that's how you do it." She smiled triumphantly, wiping the perspiration from her brow with the back of her hand. "Be unexpected, but not stupid. Never stupid." She withdrew, returning her sword to its sheath. Cullen got to his feet, smiling despite his defeat.

"I guess congratulations are in order." He extended his hand, which Seren took and shook.

"Nah. You can buy the first round tonight though."

"Deal." He laughed.

Seren addressed the recruits. "Right you lazy lot, funs over. Back to it!"

Once they were all suitable occupied again, Cullen leant close to Seren, lowering his voice. "Well I'm never going to live that down."

"I don't know what you mean." She smiled, ignoring his gaze, pretending to watch the training closely. "Hadn't we decided on a _demonstration_ designed to boost morale, especially within the female ranks? I, for one, think it worked rather well. Very convincing."

"That's not what happened."

"No?" Feigning ignorance, she pretended to think about it, then shrugged. "Ah well, that's how I remember it."

They didn't speak for a while, watching the recruits practise in silence. Seren spoke first.

"You always used to let me win."

"I never…" Seren gave him one of her looks. "Yes. Yes, I did." He confessed.

"I knew it!" A small laugh, pleased as always to know she was right all along.

"You'd get upset otherwise. You weren't a very gracious loser."

Seren laughed, thinking back to when she'd ran off in a tantrum that one time Cullen had won. She'd climbed an apple tree in the orchard that grew near her home and had refused to come down when he'd called to her.

Eventually, he'd began to climb the tree. He made it half way up, Seren telling him to go back down, that she didn't want to see him, calling him names from her perch at the top. But he'd kept climbing.

Up until his foot missed the branch and he'd fallen out of the tree, hitting the ground with a thud. Seren had screamed.

She dropped from branch to branch, her heart pounding, tears pouring from her eyes. She shouted his name but he didn't reply. She was convinced he was dead.

When she reached his side, she'd shaken him, begging him not to be dead, desperately apologising through her sobs.

_If he's dead, I'll just die. Don't be dead. I'm sorry, so sorry. Please don't be dead._

Leisurely, he'd opened his eyes, a smile spreading across his face.

'_Got you.'_

"Maker, I was an awful child. Why did you ever put up with me?" She asked.

"You weren't too bad. Just attention seeking." She elbowed him in the side. "Ouch. Don't you think you've dented my pride enough for one day?"

"Maybe. You still owe me a drink though."

The beating of hooves interrupted them. The Herald had returned from the Hinterlands.


	10. A Couple of Beers

Sorry this is only a short chapter, but the idea just came to me and I had to write it down. Let me know what you think!

I might get another chapter in before tomorrow, but I'm still working out the details.

Hope you are all enjoying Forgotten Lives so far! :)

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><p>The tavern was crowded to say the least. And loud. Very loud. Seren had secured the corner table, and was nursing a beer quietly, enjoying the time to herself.<p>

Her day had been hectic. The Herald had not only come back with the rebel mages, who all needed accommodation and Seren had pulled the short straw having to deal with that, but Master Dennet had arrived as well. And suddenly, Haven was no longer the small, isolated village in the Frostback Mountains.

In truth, she was hiding. She'd finished housing the last few mages, couldn't face the reports that sat on her desk and thought that the last place people would think to look for her, would indeed be the tavern. So here she was, sitting on her own in the corner, trying to pretend that the drunken recruits didn't bother her. And of course there were the Chargers, who never seemed to leave, unless to relieve themselves or to sleep.

She lifted the cup to her lips and found it empty. She sighed, placing it back on the table. Glancing around the room, Seren noted the distinct lack of messengers.

_I've still got time for another. _

She rose from the bench and made her way to the bar, darting past the drunken patrons as they jostled in a merry fashion. Seren and one of the mercenaries reached the bar at the same time.

She was surprised when he said "Ladies first." Gesturing towards the bartender for her to order.

"Thank you." She smiled gratefully, before turning to the bartender. "Another beer please." The Charger ordered the same.

Seren was just about to scurry back to her seat, when he said "You're the Commander's Second right?"

She stopped in her tracks. Smiling politely, she replied "That's me."

"I haven't seen you in here before." He brought his cup to his mouth and took a long drink.

"Ah, yes. I'm usually still working but well…in truth I'm hiding." She confessed.

"Hiding?" The Charger looked confused.

"Yes." She admitted shamefully. "From the messengers. I just wanted a few hours off." The Charger laughed heartily, which took Seren by surprise. She hadn't expected him to find her lack of enthusiasm for the job amusing.

"I know that feeling. I'm Cremisius Aclassi, but everyone calls me Krem." He smiled.

Seren recognised the name, and then it hit her. "You're _Iron Bull's_ Second right?"

"Guilty as charged." He bowed dramatically, which gained a lot of cheers from the other Chargers.

Unable to contain her laughter, Seren replied, "I'm Seren, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." He went back to leaning slightly on the bar.

The door to the tavern opened, and a messenger entered, his eyes searching the room. When he neglected to shut the door, several shouts of '_Close the bloody door', _along with many cruder variations of the phrase, went up. The messenger spotted the Lieutenant at the bar.

_Shit, they found me._

"Busted." Krem joked, tipping his beer slightly in the direction of the approaching messenger.

"Ser."

"What is it?"

"The Commander requires your assistance."

"Of course. Right away." She passed her untouched beer to Krem, which he quite happily accepted. "Have another on me. It was nice to meet you." Before Krem could reply, Seren had left the tavern in pursuit of the messenger.


	11. Celebrations

By lunchtime the following day, everything was over. The Herald had led the mages up the mountain to the remains of the Temple of Sacred Ashes early that morning, and now all that remained of the breach was a scar in the sky to serve as a reminder.

Upon their return, the celebrations had begun. Practically every keg of ale was opened and drained in quick succession, so by the evening all of Haven's residents were merrily dancing and singing in the streets, care-free for the first time in weeks. All except one.

Seren sat in her tent, finalising reports by candlelight, still sipping the first beer she had been handed many hours previous. When the celebration had first begun she had joined in, but something was troubling her that she couldn't put her finger on, a niggling thought at the back of her mind which she couldn't quite shake.

_Something's wrong, very wrong._

Cullen had told her of the Grey Warden disappearances the night before, just in passing, a trivial fact from the day he'd overheard from a conversation between Leliana and the Herald. But it had bothered her.

Seren thought back to the night the Queen had gone 'travelling', of the secret she had shared, one that Seren still held to this day. She wondered if the two things were connected. But the King was still in Denerim. He hadn't vanished. It didn't make sense, so Seren had retreated to her tent, needing space to mull it over.

"Seren?" Cullen appeared at the tent flap.

"In here." At the sound of her voice he entered, squinting through the gloom.

"Maker's breath, you're not actually working?"

"No I'm writing love letters. Would you like one?" He blushed a little. She shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "I'm just finishing a few things."

"Your Commander must be a real slave driver."

She laughed. "Nah, he's alright." She carried on writing but Cullen didn't move.

"Come on Seren, it can wait till tomorrow. Join the celebrations while they last." When Seren didn't respond, he added "Don't make me order you."

She laughed a little. "You are persistent." She gave up. "Fine, I'm coming. Grab me a drink will you. Proper Ferelden stuff though. None of that flowery Orlesian shite."

"Your wish is my command." And he left the tent.

The nagging feeling still gripped her heart as she blew out the candles.

Cullen turned to check she was actually following before disappearing into the crowd, as she exited her tent. She reluctantly trailed after him, knowing that alcohol was not the best idea in her current state of mind.

_One drink. You can manage one drink. And smile, for Maker's sake smile. Happy thoughts…_

When Seren caught up, the Commander was in conversation with a mage, his cheeks slightly flushed, laughing nervously. He looked relieved when she approached. He handed her a drink.

"Sorry to interrupt." The Commander opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by the mage.

"Not at all. The more the merrier. You must be the lovely Lady Seren I have been hearing so much about."

"No Lady, just Seren." She replied before she could stop herself.

"If you insist."

"And you are…?"

"Of course, how careless of me! I am Dorian of house Pavus, at your service." He reached out, grabbed her free hand and kissed it before Seren could resist.

"A pleasure…" Glancing at Cullen, an 'is this guy for real?' look on her face. He returned it with a 'you'll get used to it' look.

"I find it strange that we have not been introduced before now. Where have you been hiding this beauty Commander?"

Seren coughed on her drink, spluttering "Beauty? Are you kidding me?"

"I may joke about many things Lieutenant, but beauty is not one of them. Nor is hygiene for that matter. It strikes me that the South has this unique and…" He sniffed the air. "Pungent smell."

"And Tervinter lacks this I'm assuming?" She raised an eyebrow, trying to read Dorian.

"It has a different variety, yes." He grinned devilishly, and Seren could not deny he was rather handsome, in a conceited, egotistical sort of way. She couldn't help feeling like he was studying her too.

The Commander shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another, which did not go unnoticed by Dorian.

"It appears we are neglecting the Commander." He said without removing his gaze from Seren.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. "No its…"

"I shall leave you two. Drinks to see, people to consume, or something along those lines." He winked at Cullen, who went bright red, and then he strode off in a way only Dorian Pavus could manage.

Seren eyed Cullen, raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile spreading across her face. "Did I _miss_ something?" The Commander blushed deeper.

"No, no not at all."

_I definitely missed something._ Her smirk grew.

"Honestly. Nothing. You missed nothing. We were just talking…"

"About?" She persevered, determined to get to the bottom of it.

"Well… you actually." He was rubbing the back of his neck again, an awkward look in his features

"Me?" She was shocked. "What were you saying?" She demanded, worrying she was the butt-end of some joke.

Cullen saw her face. "Nothing bad I promise. I was just…telling him about you."

"I see." Still confused, she let it drop.

Unexpectedly, a recruit who'd had a tad too much to drink bumped into Seren from behind, pushing her forward into Cullen.

"Watch it recruit!" The Commander shouted.

"Maker! Ser, I'm sorry…" The recruit tried to stand to attention, failed miserably and ended up on the floor.

Seren and Cullen glanced at the recruit, amusement clear on their faces, both stifling laughs. It was then she realised that the Commander was still gripping her arms, his cup lying on the floor, his drink splashed across the cobbles, running along the channels between the stones. She looked up, his amber eyes scanning her own face, his features soft and charming. For one moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.

And in that moment she wanted him too. How she wanted him to pull her close, to feel his lips pressed against hers, for him to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She wanted to run her fingers through his blonde curls, to feel the heat of his skin in contrast to the sharp chill of the mountain air. She wanted to feel…

A horn blared. Seren's heart stopped.

_We're being attacked._

Cullen let go, his features suddenly unreadable and set, his eyes hollow, dead. "I've got to…"

"Go." He looked at her one more time before racing towards the gate.


	12. Too Close for Comfort

So this one doesn't follow the events of Inquisition entirely as it happens in the game. I may have fiddled around with a few things to better suit my story. The next one won't quite follow true either, for reasons that will become apparent to you...

I hope you enjoy it anyway! Thank you to those of you who have reviewed :)

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><p>Once the Herald and her companions had dashed through, Seren slammed the Chantry doors shut.<p>

The dragon had been an unexpected plot twist, destroying one of the trebuchets and causing the Inquisition to retreat to the safety of the only stone-built building in Haven.

They'd had the upper hand and then it was gone, snatched cruelly from their grasps. The Commander had ordered their withdrawal and the forces had obliged, desperately trying to save as many from the village as they could. Seren had carried a young boy, who'd been separated from his mother. He'd been so scared, his face a flood of tears. She tried to comfort him as she ran, ducking and dodging as debris from the dragon's wrath flew in all directions, but he was inconsolable. Thankfully his mother had made it to the Chantry, emotionally expressing her gratitude to the Lieutenant as she took him from her.

Seren turned and lent against the door, trying to catch her breath. Cullen ran up to the Herald, declaring 'Our position is not good.'

_No shit Cullen. I think she can see that for herself. _Seren cursed herself for grumbling. _He's just telling it how it is._

Then she heard _'no tactics' _and _'survivable'_ in one sentence and all her worst fears were confirmed.

_We're all dead. _

She glanced around the Chantry, at all the terrified faces, drawn to the children that would never get to grow up, never experience the world, never fall in love...

The young boy she had rescued caught her eye. His mother cradled him close, whispering comforts in his ear, and he'd stopped crying.

_He thinks he's safe now._

"We're dying but we can decide how." She heard the Commander say. "Many don't get that choice." He caught Seren's eye.

_This is it then. The end._

_Well if I'm going to die in this Maker forsaken shit hole, I'm not going down without a fight._

Seren moved to a group of recruits, telling them to ready themselves. They would be loading the trebuchets, she'd said. A recruit asked if they were going to die. She didn't have an answer, not one they'd want to hear.

_Now is not the time recruit._

Then Cole, the strange and ghostly boy that had arrived at the gates as it all began, spoke. Chancellor Roderick mumbled something about a path. An escape route.

More talking that Seren couldn't quite hear. A decision.

"Inquisition!" Cullen turned to the people. "Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry." He jogged to Seren. "I'll lead these men Lieutenant. Go with the Inquisition."

Puzzled, she kept her voice low. "With all due respect Commander, you're less dispensable than I am."

"That's an order Lieutenant."

Seren was infuriated. "Cullen, you need to be with the Inquisition." She replied through gritted teeth.

_What is he doing? _

"Do not argue with me. We haven't got time for your heroics." He growled, glaring at her, daggers in his eyes.

"If you think I'm leaving now, you are mistaken! Not when I have a job to do." _There's only one thing I can say to change your mind. Forgive me._

"Just trust me for once." Stunned, Cullen's features softened, hurt.

_I can do this. _

She embraced his hesitation, taking it as the acceptance she needed.

"Now go! They need their Commander, not some lowly Lieutenant!" She exclaimed, flushed with anger. She turned her attention to the men. "With me!"

He grabbed her arm, his expression tortured. "I… Maker be with you."

"And you." He released his grasp.

She ran out the door, closely followed by her squad, without looking back.

They had the trebuchet loaded in minutes, the Herald and her companions keeping the enemy off their backs. Once it was done, she ordered her men back to the Chantry, the dragon looming overhead.

_Run for your lives._

She was going to retreat too but something stopped her. The Herald's companions ran past, telling her to get back, but there was no sign of the Herald herself. Seren stood, her feet fixed to the ground.

_I can't leave now._

The dragon was no longer in the sky.

_Meaning that son of a bitch has landed. Two guesses where._

Making up her mind, Seren turned on her heels sprinting back towards the trebuchet. She went the long way, hoping not to be seen, keeping low and to the shadows.

She scrambled up the slope, the top of the trebuchet just in sight, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible. The snow, cold to her touch, creaked under her weight.

As she crawled, the dragon's head came into view. And then another figure.

_The Elder One. _

_Jeez, he makes demons look cute and cuddly. This wasn't one of my better ideas…_

Seren hesitated, watching as the Elder one spoke with the Herald.

_Well it's now or never._

Suitably decided that their attention was fixed elsewhere, Seren made a run for it, slipping under the shadow of the trebuchet. The dragon's head whirled round, inhaling slowly.

Lying flat, her heart pounded, adrenaline surging through her veins.

_It knows I'm here. I'm dead. So dead. _

Unable to control her breathing, she waited for death to come.

She thought about praying, knowing that was what Cullen would be doing if he were in her place. But instead, she settled on thinking of him. Of them. Of their childhoods together, of climbing trees, scraping knees, fighting invisible monsters with sticks, inseparable and content. Their stories forever entwined. She hadn't admitted it to herself before, but now, awaiting the eternity without him, Seren knew she loved him. Had always loved him. And always would.

She didn't know if he felt the same, but equally she didn't care.

_Life is too short after all. _A small, sad smile spread across her face.

A loud thud disturbed Seren from her thoughts, as the Herald hit the trebuchet with force. She landed hard, her face contorted with pain. She opened her eyes, finding Seren's in the dark. Surprise registered on her face, then mild relief, realising she was not fighting alone.

An unspoken agreement went between them.

The Herald scrambled for a sword, dragging herself to her feet, having to lean on the wood for support. A distraction for what needed to be done.

Seren crouched, ready to play her part.

The signal, a single flaming arrow, in the distance.

"You must die." A voice low and harsh. A voice from the depths of nightmares.

"Your arrogance blinds you. Good to know." She turned to Seren. "Now!"

Seren leapt from the shadows, hitting the release, the trebuchet firing its load up into the mountains.

The avalanche rushed towards them, the Herald and Seren side by side as they ran from its might.

And then they were falling. Falling into darkness.


	13. Past Adventures

Sorry this one was slightly delayed. I'll try and get back on track with posting chapters earlier!

Hope you enjoy this. I really loved writing this chapter. Let me know what you think!

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><p>'<em>There was no word for heaven or for earth, for sea or sky. All that existed was silence. Then the Voice of the Maker rang out. The first Word, and his Word became all that might be: dream and idea, hope and fear, endless possibilities.'<em>

Is it possible to die of boredom?_ Seren wondered, from her seat up in the apple tree. She sighed, closing the book Mother Leticia had instructed that she read. Cullen had received no such assignment._

Goody two shoes,_ she grumbled._

_Hearing someone coming, Seren had ripped open the book, pretending to be immersed in the text, not wanting another lecture from the Chantry Mother. But it was only Cullen._

"What you doing?" _He asked, his head back so he could see her._

"What does it look like stupid?"

_He tilted his head to one side, scrunching his eyes automatically, trying to read the spine._

"_You're_ reading the Chant of Light?" _He asked incredulously, one eyebrow raised._

"Mother Leticia made me." _She whined. "_She said I had to learn it. But it's so _boring_!"

"Where are you up to?"

"The first Word. Just after the endless possibilities bit." _She declared proudly._

"And from it made his firstborn. And he said to them; In My image I forge you, to you I give dominion over all that exists. By you will may all things be done." _He finished the end of the verse. Seren was not impressed._

"Show-off." _Disgruntled,_ s_he turned the page._

"I have something to tell you."_ Cullen beamed, unable to contain his excitement any longer._

"What?" _Seren asked, eyes wide, secretly hoping that his mother had made cookies again. _"Wait, I'll come down!"

_She dropped the book to the floor, which Cullen hastily picked up, wiping it with the bottom of his shirt._ _Within seconds, Seren had hopped down from the tree to his side. He handed the book to her._

"What is it then?" _She asked eagerly._

"I'm going to be a Templar!" _He exclaimed, the biggest grin on his face. He could barely keep still, fidgeting with enthusiasm._

"Oh!" _Seren's face dropped, her heart suddenly heavy in her chest, panic rising._

He's leaving. Cullen's leaving.

"Isn't it great! The Knight-Commander is talking to my parents now. He really thinks I can do it, that I can be a real Templar! Can you believe it?" _He turned to her expectantly._

"No." _His face fell._

"Oh I thought…" _He mumbled, lost and unsure how to continue._

"No, it's brilliant news!" _She forced a smile, fighting the tightening in her throat, a crushing weight on her shoulders. He smiled back, instantly forgetting her blunder._

"I know right! I'm going to be a Templar. A _real_ Templar." _He marvelled at the words, testing them on his tongue, unable to quite believe it all himself._

_Seren grabbed him, hugging him tighter than she would normally, thinking that if she held him long enough he might change his mind, or offer to take her with him. No offer came. _

_Even with her arms wrapped around him, Seren knew she'd already lost him, realisation sitting heavy on her heart._

Seren opened her eyes. Her body ached all over and glancing around, she had no idea where she was or how she'd got there. Icicles hung from the ceiling, although directly above her was a gaping hole, exposing the cave to the elements. She felt something brush her hand, saw movement in her peripheral vision.

The Herald was slipping back into consciousness, and everything came flooding back. Haven, the dragon, the avalanche. Cullen…

Seren sat up, panic gripping her heart.

_We've got to move. _

"Herald?" She whispered. When no response came, Seren spoke louder, gently shaking the Herald's arm. She stirred, blinking against the light.

"Where… where are we?"

"Somewhere under Haven I'm guessing. Or at least what's left of it."

"We're alive?"

"Well if this is Heaven, I want a refund." The Herald laughed lightly.

"It's Seren, isn't it?"

"Yes Ser. I'm infamous it seems."

"The Commander has spoken of you often. Especially of your sense of humour." Seren laughed.

"That sounds like Cullen."

"How do you think we get out of here?"

"I guess we head that way and hope there's an exit." Seren got to her feet, but the Herald was struggling, her face twisted in pain. "Do you need a hand?"

"No. I can manage. Thank you though." Once standing, the Herald lent awkwardly to one side, avoiding putting any weight on her right foot. "I think I've sprained my ankle." She said weakly.

"Here." Seren lifted the Herald's arm over her shoulder, taking some of her weight. "Team effort."

"Thank you." The Herald replied gratefully.

The walk through the tunnel was laborious to say the least, but they eventually found the way out into the unforgiving wilderness of the Frostback Mountains.

A blizzard was raging, bitter winds driving snow so cold and hard it felt more like small droplets of ice when it hit their faces, stinging like needles till their cheeks went numb. The drifts beneath their feet came up to their knees, making every step a challenge, a test of endurance.

The Herald was fading, their pace slowing with every passing minute. Seren was practically having to drag her, carrying their combined weights with the remainder of her waning strength.

_I can do this. We can make it. We have to make it._

After what felt like hours, Seren had to stop. She saw cover under a few isolated trees and made a beeline for it, her pace increasing slightly with a renewed sense of determination. She placed her hand against the tree from support, then helped the Herald to sit.

"We'll just rest here a minute, Ser. Just so I can catch my breath."

"Please Seren, my name is Maegan. You've saved me twice now, I think we should be able to speak as equals." Maegan spoke faintly, having to focus on every word, every syllable.

"We're not quite safe yet."

"Seren, I'm so cold…so tired…"

"Maegan. Listen to me." Seren said firmly. "If you go to sleep now, you're dead. You have to stay awake. Stay with me, Maegan."

"You should…go…leave me…"

"Not an option. We're going to make it. And there's going to be warm blankets and hot food and…" Then Seren noticed something. Carved into the tree, under her fingers, peeking through the gaps. An arrow. Her eyes lit up.

"Son of a bitch!" Maegan jumped. "Sorry, it's just… well it's Cullen. I know where they've gone. Or at least what direction…"

"What are you…"

"Sorry, I ramble a lot. Bad habit." She looked at the Herald, a huge smile spreading across her face. "When we were children we used to go for these long walks. Adventures, we called them, but that's not the point. You see, we'd scratch arrows into the trees we went past, so we could find our way back home." She felt the tears in her eyes, the relief overwhelming. "He's leading us home."

"He knew you'd survive." Maegan said softly.

"He knew _we'd_ survive."

She helped the Herald to her feet, bearing most of her weight as before. Seren staggered in the direction the arrow had indicated, eventually finding another, and another. They kept moving, finding more and more signs of activity, discarded cooking equipment, the remnants of fires and more arrow carvings in tree trunks, the symbol of hope that Seren needed to carry on.

Another fire pit. But this one had embers, still warm but fading.

_We're close._

"Nearly there." She murmured, but Maegan was almost unconscious, barely able to keep her eyes open, never mind keeping her feet moving one in front of the other. "Maegan. We're so close. Don't…"

"There! It's them." Cullen's voice drifting on the wind. Seren thought she'd imagined it at first but there he was, running towards them, that Maker-awful cloak still wrapped around his torso.

_That thing would have bloody survived._

"Thank the Maker!" The Seeker's voice.

Seren dropped to her knees, safe in the knowledge that they had made it. Two guards took the Herald, carrying her down to the camp that glowed in the valley below. Cullen grabbed her arm.

"Maker, I thought… Can you stand?"

"I… Sure." She tried to lift herself, but nothing worked, her limbs refusing to listen to the signals from her brain. Cullen realising that she couldn't, picked her up, cradling her like a child.

"It's okay. I've got you." As he walked, she explored his face with her eyes, the scar across his lip, the trace of dark stubble, the exposed skin of his neck disappearing beneath…

Secure in his arms, Seren drifted, content in his protection.


	14. Kind Gestures

Once again, I'm sorry for the delay. RL got in the way. I should be back on target to post daily, at least until after the weekend.

More reviews would be greatly appreciated. I'd love to know what you think :)

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><p>Seren slept restlessly, struggling against the cold that chilled her bones. The freezing breeze seeped through the blanket, the snowy landscape infiltrating her dreams. She was lost and alone, desperately searching for shelter in the white wasteland.<p>

Then the chill had vanished, her sleep became more peaceful and eventually she awoke. Something tickled her cheek. Fur. Cullen's cloak.

She could smell him, his musty scent flooding her senses. Semi-consciously, she rolled onto her side, wrapping herself more tightly in the material. She could almost feel his arm around her waist, his breath on her neck, in her hair…

_Steady on Seren. _She warned herself, her heart beating faster, her breathing erratic. _He lent you his cloak, because you were cold. He hasn't exactly professed his undying love for you._

She propped herself up on her elbow, breathing slowly in an attempt to regain control of her overactive imagination.

"You're awake."

Seren's head whipped round, finding Cullen sat watching her from the bed to her left.

"Shit you scared me." Heat rushed to her cheeks, heart pounding. "Have you been there the whole time? While I've been asleep, I mean?"

_Nice save. _Inwardly, Seren cursed herself, hoping he'd miss her slip up.

"On and off. I had to make sure you were alright."

"Is the Herald…"

"She's fine. Sleeping but fine." He hesitated. "Did you carry her the whole way?"

"I… did what I had to." Neither spoke for a time, trying to find the words. Cullen appeared to suddenly find the ground remarkably interesting.

"When you didn't come back…I thought you'd… that something had happened." He looked up, his eyes burning, his face set and unreadable. "Why didn't you come back to…with the men?" His tone was steady, perhaps a hint of bitterness. Seren couldn't keep his gaze.

"I thought I could help."

"That wasn't your job."

"No. But I did help, so it all worked out for the best."

"You could have died!" He exclaimed, his words tumbling out louder than he had anticipated. Several heads turned, stunned by the sudden outburst. Rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed by the attention he had drawn, Cullen took a deep breath, and lowered his voice. "You could have died Seren, and I don't know what I would have done if… you had."

She didn't know what to say. Her heart ached from the pain she had clearly caused him, but at the same time, she couldn't help being a little pleased. He cared. Really cared. He wanted her to be safe, to live.

_But there's a difference between wanting me to live and wanting me to live by his side. And there's a giant difference between caring and loving…_

"I know. But I'm still here." She smiled. "You can't get rid of me that easy Cullen Rutherford."

He laughed a little, for her benefit. "I'm glad of that." He replied honestly, a strange look in his eyes; one that sent Seren's heart fluttering, the blood rushing to her cheeks, knots forming in her stomach.

She looked around for an excuse to avoid eye-contact, realising just what the Inquisition had been reduced to; a community of hastily constructed tents in the middle of nowhere.

_Not exactly inspiring…_

"So what's the plan? Because I'm guessing that no-one will take us seriously if we're having to hide out in some snowy valley in this less than charming part of the world."

"That's one way of putting it." He sighed. "In honesty, I'm not sure." Seren noticed the strain in his features, saw how on edge he looked. For once, Cullen didn't have the answers Seren was looking for. "We don't know where we are right now for sure, so planning has become… a little heated."

"I can imagine." Then because his spirits seemed so low, she said "It'll be okay though. You'll work it out."

"I hope so." He held her gaze, his face blank but he seemed comforted by Seren's words.

And then Mother Giselle began to sing, the lyrics filling the forlorn silence, the melody enchanting its listeners. Both the Commander and his second turned to listen. Then he stood, offering her his hand. Leliana added her voice, her voice soft and beautiful as a bird might sing, bewitching the attention of everyone in proximity.

Seren placed her hand in his, picked herself up from the bed and they walked together, joining the crowd that was growing in the firelight.

_The night is long and the path is dark. _

Cullen joined in, his voice strong, assured, along with the many recruits that surrounded them. He didn't let go of her hand, nor she his. Taking a deep breath, she let the words escape her lips, a weight lifting from her soul.

_Look to the sky, for one day soon. _

_The dawn will come._


	15. Counting Sheep

At last, they had a destination; Skyhold. Seren was pleased to know they had somewhere to go. Less pleased to find out that it was still in the Frostbacks.

"I'm beginning to get the feeling that we're never going to leave this hell hole."

"Where is your sense of adventure?" Cullen teased, packing the final items into his saddlebag.

"It died. A long time ago."

Due to a lack of tents, a result of the hurried evacuation, Cullen and Seren had been sharing for the past few nights. At first, this had seemed like a wonderful opportunity to spend some quality time with him but in reality, both were busy from dawn until dusk; the Commander was busy making arrangements with the rest of the inner circle, leaving Seren to deal with everything else. And there was a lot of everything else, each task growing in tediousness.

By the time they were alone, neither were in the mood to talk. Cullen usually fell asleep within minutes, leaving Seren to lie quietly in the dark, listening to his breathing, unable to sleep.

Every time she closed her eyes, the flashbacks would start.

"_Forces approaching! To arms!" _

_The rush for equipment, the snapped commands, the shouting, screams, a million unanswered questions and the sea of anxious faces hidden in metal casings._

"_Inquisition with the Herald!" He'd caught her eye, his face set, playing his role. The recruits shaking, the nervous coughs. The bead of sweat running down from her hairline, down her forehead, into her eyes, beneath the helmet. _

"_For your lives! For all of us!" He shouted, rallying them, many to their deaths._

_Templars corrupted with red lyrium. The trebuchet. Never-ending numbers of Templars. The release. The avalanche. _

_Premature celebration._

_The dragon._

Her heart would pound, bolting upwards in a cold sweat. After that, she wouldn't even bother trying to sleep.

Cullen was having nightmares again, although when she thought about it, she had no idea if they had ever stopped.

The first night, he had startled her as she lay in the dark, his sudden thrashing, his begging, interrupting her from the imaginary sheep she'd been meticulously counting in an attempt to induce unconsciousness. She'd woken him gently, Cullen apologising profusely till he once again drifted asleep. Seren would then find herself waiting for the next nightmare, the next time she'd save him from the terrible games his mind was playing on him.

Her one comfort, was that he didn't know she was struggling too.

_He's got enough on his plate without worrying about me._

"Ser?" A recruit appeared at the tent opening, tearing Seren from her thoughts.

"Yes Brett?"

"Your tent is the next on the list to be dismantled, Ser."

"Thank you." He turned to Seren. "Have you got everything?"

She looked down at her saddlebag, the belongings that weren't truly hers, as there had been no time to save her things. She didn't even know if Lexi had survived.

Master Dennet had released all of the horses before the Templars had reached them, in the hope that they would be able to get far enough away to escape the avalanche. Slowly, over the last few days, the scouts were finding them but so far Lexi had not returned.

"Yes." Seren grabbed the bag and left before Cullen could offer any more comforting words that she would have to swallow with a forced smile.

She strode into the harsh morning light, the snow reflecting the sun's glare in all directions, impossible to avoid. She brought her arm up to her forehead, squinting as she glanced around the camp.

_Something to do. Anything to do... no more sympathies._

She spotted two recruits struggling to collapse a tent. Dropping her bag, she hurried over to assist. They gratefully thanked their Lieutenant, so she followed to help with the rest.

Within half an hour, the camp was nothing more than the dead fire pits they were leaving behind, everything packed and loaded.

Seren, responsible for a group of evacuated Haven residents, was making her final checks when Brett ran up to her.

"Ser!"

"What is it recruit?"

"Master Dennet says you are to come right away! They found your horse." Before Brett could even finish, Seren was running. She pushed past people who were milling around, apologising as she barged them out of the way.

"Seren?" Cullen shouted when she ran past him.

"They found her!" She cried, grinning widely. She ran to where the horses were, not caring that her lungs were burning as she breathed in the freezing mountain air.

And there she was, standing calmly as Master Dennet checked her out, her mane dancing in the wind.

_She's alive. Really alive._

"Master Dennet!" Lexi neighed at her owner, and Seren fought back the tears stinging in her eyes.

"No need to shout Seren. I may be older, but I'm certainly not deaf."

"Sorry!" She finally reached the pair, out of breath but thrilled. "How's she looking?"

"Everything seems to be in working order. But she's tired, so I don't suggest you ride her."

"Of course. Thank you!" She threw her arms around Dennet, who stood awkwardly, completely bemused.

"When did you become a hugger?"

"I've always been a hugger, you were just a grouch." She let go, turning to Lexi, stroking her neck. The horse nuzzled into her owner's chest.

"Charming as ever I remember." Dennet smiled as he walked away.

Seren led Lexi back to where her group were waiting, and with the Herald leading the way, what remained of the Inquisition began its journey.

If it had been flat, they would have arrived at Skyhold in little over a day. But with the constant changes in gradient, it was expected to take a least a week, the progress dependent upon the pace of the slowest person.

The days were long and gruelling, and Seren was finding it easier to sleep at night, sheer exhaustion counteracting even the most horrific memories. Cullen, on the other hand, was still dreaming and she often awoke to his voice calling out in the darkness. Hence, she would awake at first light, still drained, wearily awaiting the day ahead.

On the fourth day, they had been walking for little over an hour when Mother Giselle had appeared at her side.

"May I walk with you a while?"

"Of course Mother." Irrationally, a feeling of dread grew. Seren had never had a particular fondness for Chantry Mothers, especially after facing the sharp end of Mother Leticia's wrath as a child. But Mother Giselle seemed peaceful enough, calm and caring.

_How Chantry Mothers should be._ Thinking back to the harsh lectures she'd once received on a regular basis.

"Quite an adventure you have been on."

"You could say that."

"The Herald tells me that it is you we have to thank for her safe return."

"I did very little Mother." Seren replied modestly.

The stories that were floating around since their return, had featured a distinct lack of Seren's part in the events at Haven, which she was surprisingly grateful for. They needed hope in the darkness, a hero, and Seren was quite happy to leave that to the Herald. She wasn't sleeping well as it was and unwanted attention would not help the matter any.

"Offering your shoulder to the wounded when you were beyond exhaustion yourself? That does not seem like such a small thing to me."

"I only did what had to be done."

"Perhaps." They walked for a time in silence. "I have heard that you and the Commander grew up together?"

"We did."

"And yet, you have very different outlooks in life. The Commander spent a lot of time within the Chantry in Haven but you did not. Perhaps not so surprising for a Templar I confess, but my point remains. I did see you a couple of times, but you were always rushing around, never in one place for too long."

"Cullen…" Seren sighed. "He found something in the Chantry that I have still yet to discover. As children, he'd voluntarily go every week, whereas I was dragged by my mother. Kicking and screaming. Without fail. The Chantry always seemed…" _Creepy._ "Too quiet."

"But you maintain belief?"

"I… Yes, but prayer, the whole worship thing, I just never got."

"We all have our own ways to show our respect for the Maker and his work. You must find what works for you." Mother Giselle went quiet, lost in thought, or as it appeared to Seren, for dramatic effect. "I wonder what would have become of you if you had travelled a different path. I could imagine you would make a good Chantry Mother."

_She's joking right… _Giselle turned her head, awaiting Seren's response, not a hint of sarcasm in her aging features.

_OK maybe not joking._

"I… don't know what to say."

"You do what needs to be done, are patient and kind. You help others at your expense without second thought. These are all qualities that Chantry life requires. I feel that you would be quite an inspiration."

"Thank you Mother. But a soldier's life is enough for me."

They walked a little further together before Mother Giselle finally spoke again. "Perhaps when this journey is done, you will join me for prayer? As much or as little as you please."

"Thank you Mother. I shall think about it."

Giselle slowed her pace, falling in step with a family of refugees. She was consumed in conversation again within seconds.


	16. Undisclosed Revelations

"That's a bloody big hole."

"I'm aware."

She hesitated, thinking for a moment, before replying, "So you _knew_ there was a bloody big hole in the roof when you picked it? To be your _office_?"

She lent against the wall, looking up at the patchy ceiling of the tower Cullen would eventually occupy, once some renovations were complete.

_Once, a __**lot**__ of renovations were complete._

Skyhold had been in worse shape than she'd expected, although she had to admit, she may have been overly optimistic regarding the abandoned fortress.

"Indeed I did."

Seren raised an eyebrow, her forehead creased as she tried to piece together what he was saying, a smirk growing. "Did you hit your head back in Haven? Or did some of your brain cells just freeze to death on the way here?"

"I thought it... had charm."

Seren snorted, bemused. "I can imagine freezing your balls off every night is rather _charming." _He tried to hide it, pretending to be busy recording measurements but Cullen's cheeks flushed pink. "What happens when it rains?"

"I guess I will get wet."

_Dropped into that one nicely._

"Will you now… I'm sure that will be… _pleasant."_ The Commander's cheeks turned a deep shade of red, while Seren tried and failed to suppress her grin.

"_Seren…"_

She held up her hands, enjoying every minute of his torture. "I'm not judging… We've all got to find our _pleasures_ somewhere…"

"You are worse than a child." He shook his head, the blush reaching his ears.

"And proud of it." She stood up, letting the subject drop. "I'm bloody starving. If that's all Commander, I'm going to grab some food. And then call it an early night."

"Well seeing as you have been a huge help, standing there mocking me, I think I can manage."

Seren brought her hand to her chest in mock horror. "I've been pointing out the obvious too."

"Oh yes, how could I forget?" His tone dripping with sarcasm. He gave up. "Fine, go. Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around."

"For my dashing good looks and charming wit of course." She pulled her best pout, curved her back to enhance her chest and threw her hair over her shoulder in one swift movement.

He laughed, completely losing track of his measurements. "You know what, I think I will join you as I have _absolutely_ no idea where I am up to." He glanced at her, adding "I think you enjoy being a distraction."

"Only when it's you. Now come on. I'm not eating any more of that Maker-awful soup, it tastes like feet. Sweaty, mouldy, dirty, definitely dirty…"

"I think I get the idea." He interrupted, knowing he was helpless when she was in a mood like this.

"Ser." Brett appeared at the door.

"Recruit?"

"Some pilgrims have arrived but we have nowhere to house them."

"Right…" Cullen began.

"I've got this." Seren interrupted with a sigh. She turned to Cullen. "You've eaten less than I have today and you know it. So go. I've got this. Lead the way Brett."

She paused in the doorway, turning once again to the Commander, pleading "Save me something other than the soup. Or I might just spontaneously combust."

"I will do my best."

After a bit of strategic manoeuvring, the new refugees had a tent for the night, although the soldiers that had given up their quarters less than willingly, were now a little cramped. And grouchy. But Seren had reiterated that they all had to make sacrifices for a while, until the hold was in better shape. She was having to share with the Commander after all.

_Because that really is a terrible sacrifice._ She suppressed her smile.

"Good-natured teasing and laughter. Infinite happiness." Seren jumped, thinking herself alone in the courtyard. Cole stood close to her, his eyes watching her closely. "A girl crying into her pillow at night when he left, broken and hurting."

The Lieutenant couldn't move, could barely breathe.

"Then he returned, her hair plaited and dress beautiful, trying to impress…"

"What are you doing?" She demanded, the horror spreading across her face. "Stop it. Just stop it!"

"Seren?" Cullen was standing at the top of the courtyard steps, a plate of food in his hand, wrapped in cloth to keep it warm, concerned. "Are you alright?"

Seren glanced back to where Cole had been standing, but he was gone. There was no sign he'd ever been there at all.

"Yes…I'm fine." She walked slowly up the steps, glancing nervously over her shoulder to where the ghostly boy had been.

"Who were you talking to?"

"No one." She shook her head, running her hand through her hair. "Is that for me?" She asked as brightly as she could manage.

He handed her the plate before she disappeared in the direction of their quarters. Cullen stared at the courtyard for a moment, wondering what had shaken her up so. In the end, he trailed after her, a habit from a lifetime ago.


	17. Late Night Chats

So folks, I may not be able to post daily this week. Apologies. But here's another chapter for you.

Again, I hope you are enjoying Forgotten Lives. A few more reviews would be greatly appreciated, after all it's the only feedback/payment we get as fanfic writers. Thank you for the follows and favourites though :)

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><p>Seren lay awake in the dark, waiting for Cullen's nightmares to begin, replaying the conversation with Cole.<p>

_A girl crying into her pillow at night when he left…_

She rolled over, scrunching her eyes shut, trying to forget the memories the boy had dragged up from the deeps of her mind.

_Her hair plaited and dress beautiful, trying to impress…_

She rolled to her back again, eyes open staring at the tent roof, trying not to remember the night he'd returned and the vacant stares. She needed to go for a walk. She glanced at Cullen, who was still sleeping peacefully.

_Come on, have your nightmare already. _She cursed herself for being so uncaring.

_Nice Seren. He's going through an absolute tonne of shit and you're wishing he'd hurry up and get on with it? Great friend you are._

She shut her eyes again, steadied her breathing and cleared her thoughts, but sleep would not come.

Eventually, Seren heard the tell-tale signs of his nightmares; the quickened breath, the creaking of the wooden bed-frame as he began to move restlessly. She lifted back her covers and was kneeling by his side in seconds.

"Cullen, it's alright. You're dreaming. Just wake up." She put her hand on his arm, and within a moment he was lying still once again, his breathing returning to normal. She sighed, got to her feet and grabbed her tattered cloak from the end of her bed, tying it around her shoulders. She sat on the bed to put her boots on, glanced at the Commander one final time and then left the tent in silence.

Skyhold was eerily silent at night, every noise echoing in the empty space between the stone structure, the majority of its occupants tucked up soundly in bed. The sky was clear, a full moon casting its silvery glow across the fortress, illuminating the courtyard, but equally deepening the shadows surrounding the towers. She walked around the battlements for a while, but the wind was bracing and her cloak was not really up to standard for such an excursion.

She made her way into the Throne room, the hall lit only by a few candles at that late hour. Since their arrival, Seren and the recruits had been busily clearing out the Fortress, with Lady Montilyet decisively expressing the hall as the top priority. They managed to remove most of the debris and the scaffolding had gone up that afternoon. The ambassador had seemed pleased at least.

Seren hesitated in the gloom, but didn't stay long, the throne sitting empty in the darkness casting strange shadows on the floor.

Eventually she ended up in the library, hoping a good book would induce unconsciousness, the 'good' part not being mandatory, but preferential.

The shelves were still quite empty as she ran her fingers across the spines, studying the titles with her eyes, feeling the uneven leather binding beneath her fingertips.

Crammed in the far corner, shorter than the others and far newer, was a book bearing the title 'Hard in Hightown'.

_Varric's novel…_

Seren reached for it, then thought better of it, leaving the book untouched.

_Another night maybe._

Randomly she selected a rather tattered copy of Tales of the Destruction of Thedas, took a seat by the window and lit a candle, opening to the first page.

"I never would have guessed I'd find the lovely Seren _reading_ at the expense of her beauty sleep." Seren jumped, slamming the book shut automatically. Dorian lifted the book from beneath her hands, examining the title himself. "A history book nonetheless. I must admit Lieutenant you have utterly beguiled me. You are not what you appear at all."

"I thought I was…alone." She snatched the book back from Dorian, opening to the first chapter.

"Carry on then." Dorian took the seat opposite. Seren could feel his eyes watching her.

"Are you just going to sit there?"

"I was planning to, yes."

"Shouldn't you be _sleeping_?"

"Shouldn't you?" His lips curved up into a smile, enjoying winding her up.

"I… can't sleep."

"What a coincidence."

"What do you want Pavus?"

"Always so untrusting. I will try not to take it as an insult."

Seren sighed, started the paragraph she'd read at least three times already, counting to ten in her head.

"May I make an observation?"

Seren inhaled slowly before saying "Yes."

"If achieving unconsciousness is your goal, that book is far too stimulating." Seren glanced at Dorian, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Is that so? What would you suggest in your infinite wisdom?"

"That's more like it Lieutenant." The mage rose to his feet, browsing the shelves in an instant. Seren shook her head, too exhausted for a conversation with Dorian. "Ah, this should do." He threw a book in her direction, which Seren awkwardly caught just short of it hitting her in the face.

"Thanks." She replied sarcastically.

"You're most welcome." He smiled smugly, before retaking his seat.

_I know you get sarcasm, you narcissistic…_

"So, on the topic of history, you and the Commander…"

"Not happening."

"Oh?" He features twisted in surprise. "You and he _aren't_…"

"I meant that I'm not talking about it."

"So you _are_…"

"No. We're not." She snapped, the words echoing around the room, instantly regretting the defensive outburst. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired."

"No need to explain my lovely Lieutenant." He said softly. Then the smirk returned. "I've heard you share my complaints about the soup."

"We're talking soup now?"

"Unless you'd like to return to our previous topic?"

"No thank you."

"Then yes, we shall share small talk on the limited skills of the kitchen staff."

For most of the night, and for many nights afterwards, Seren and Dorian sat in the candlelight talking, mostly meaningless nothings but she enjoyed his company in the tiny hours of the morning when sleep evaded her. Even if some of his jokes did go over her head, much to his delight.

He told her of Tervinter, speaking animatedly about the stark differences between Ferelden society and his, often making a joke at the former's expense. He said very little about himself, but Seren disclosed even less of her own past, other than what the majority already knew.

Many times he would make a small enquiry into her heritage, casually reiterating that she was not the typical soldier. Each time, Seren would brush it aside, hoping the mage would not take it upon himself to dig any further.

_Some secrets should remain just as their name suggests._

But as the weeks passed, she began to trust Dorian more and more, began seeing him as a friend.

"Are you ever going to tell me about you and the handsome Commander?"

"There's really nothing to tell."

"If that's the case, then make it up. I'm expecting a great love affair, with stolen kisses and unexpected bush encounters."

"_Unexpected bush encounters?"_ Shocked but amused.

"Or late night rendezvouses in a barn. Take your pick."

"You do realise I was _eleven _when he joined the Templars." An eyebrow raised, trying to control the laughter.

"Ah. I shall just have to make do with the original version then and spice it up later."

"Another night, maybe. I'm heading to bed."

"Spoil sport." Seren headed back to her tent, wondering how long she'd be able to delay that conversation for, unsure if she was ready to dig up the past she'd spent years burying.


	18. Unwelcome Ghosts

"Tell me it's not true." Seren burst into Cullen's new office, startling the Commander as he wrote his reports.

"If I did that, I'd be lying." He replied calmly, steadying himself.

"The Grey Wardens can't be involved with Corypheus. This is madness." She moved to stand by his desk, trying to catch her breath, running her hand through her hair.

"Well they are." He snapped, his hand shaking. He let go of his quill, opening and closing his fist in quick succession, hoping it would go unnoticed by his second. It didn't.

"What's going on Cullen? You've been acting weird all week." She asked quietly, thinking back to the increased intensity of his dreams up until his tower was finished, the dreams that she struggled to wake him from. And he'd become reclusive; they'd barely spoken apart from when he was barking orders at her or the recruits, blaming his mood on mysterious headaches. She'd been worried about him, but now she was genuinely concerned.

"Just leave it Seren."

"This isn't like you. Is something going on I don't…"

"Leave it!" He bellowed, smashing his fists on the table, knocking over the pot of ink he'd been using. He sighed. Seren moved to help. "Just get out. Would you just do your job for once?" He glared at her, fuming, his words slicing into her like broken glass.

_What the hell? _

"Yes Ser." She managed, backing away slowly, worried a rapid retreat would invoke another outburst. She paused in the door, knowing she shouldn't, but unable to help herself. "Ser?"

Cullen looked up, still visibly angry. "What?" He growled.

"When you decide to stop acting like a dick, and actually want someone to talk to, let me know." She exited as quickly as she could, deciding that she would have to avoid him like the plague for the rest of the day, at least till he'd had time to cool off.

They were leaving the following day for Adamant, so there was much to do. Seren ran checks on all the equipment, did a sweep of the barracks, checked in with the quartermaster to make sure they were supplied, along with running final drills with the recruits. She had to admit, they'd come a long way since Haven. They were soldiers now in their own right, trained and disciplined beyond recognition of their former selves.

That evening, when she was called to a final tactics meeting, Seren couldn't avoid Cullen any longer. She hesitated at the door before entering, steadying herself before the onslaught. But when she went in, the Commander was the neutral leader he was expected to be, emotions removed, facts and orders the only focus.

At the end, he dismissed the others, asking that Seren remain behind. Again, her heart beat nervously, knowing she had been in the wrong to refer to the Commander of the Inquisition in the manner she had earlier. But no lecture came.

"This arrived for you." He said blankly, holding out an opened letter, her name written on the front in an elegant script, the red wax seal on the back broken in half. Seren panicked.

_How did she find me?_

"Have you read this?" She demanded, her voice slightly higher than she'd intended, as she took in from his hand.

"No. But Leliana will have." He replied, intrigued.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Seren turned the envelope over in her hands, knowing exactly who it was from, unable to believe that the spymaster now knew her secret.

"Aren't you going to read it?"

Seren glanced at him, her eyes wide with horror.

_The bloody spymaster knows but Cullen doesn't. My best friend in the world hasn't got a clue._

"No." She composed herself, walked over to the fireplace and tossed the letter in without a second thought. She watched the flames consume the paper, watched the corners curl and burn into nothing, the script fading.

_And it's going to stay that way._

"Can I ask?"

"No." She reached the door. "If that's everything Commander?"

He studied her curiously, before replying. "That's all Lieutenant." She nodded and left, her mind racing.

Knowing sleep would be an impossibility, she headed to the library, praying Dorian wouldn't be there to interrogate her on the past that had suddenly just re-emerged as the present.


	19. A Midnight Compromise

Sorry to keep you all waiting (and on a cliffhanger) but here's another chapter. All shall become clear with time...

Thank you for the reviews, follows and favourites! I'll be posting again in a couple of days :)

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><p>As the night wore on, Seren's mind couldn't help wandering to the looming battle, the idea that if past events had been slightly different, if the Queen hadn't stopped her joining, she might too be making the ultimate sacrifice in a futile attempt to end the blights. She knew she would have believed it, would have been drawn into Erimond's deceit, knowing she would see the blood magic as a necessary means to an end. It all made her sick to her stomach.<p>

Eventually she returned the unread book in her hands back to its shelf and headed for her tent, telling herself she needed at least a few hours rest. But as she walked across the courtyard, she noticed a light in Cullen's tower, glowing in the darkness beyond the window. Her feet changed direction of their own accord.

Climbing the stone staircase, she realised just how exhausted she was, each step draining her until she reached the top, breathing shallow and rushed.

When she reached the door to his office, she could hear his mumbled voice. She knocked, and waited, listening to the words end and then Cullen's movement to the door. He pulled it open, wearing only his breeches, his chiselled torso bare in the moonlight.

_Well hello…_

Seren couldn't stop her heart from racing, feeling the ache deep inside, wanting to touch his skin, to trace the defined lines that were now exposed to her. She could feel the flush growing in her cheeks and in some other lower, less explored regions, but then she looked up.

His eyes were dark, the circles beneath them deep and his features gaunt. He was sweating, despite the chill. The moment was gone, concern consuming her.

"Are you alright?" Alarm evident in her tone.

"Just leave it Seren. It's none of your concern." He replied bluntly, turning to close the door. Seren put her boot in the gap, wincing only slightly when the wood crushed her foot between it and the frame.

"Oh no you don't. Not again." She pushed against the wood, sliding through before he could stop her. Her eyes had to adjust to the gloom but on the floor, in the light of a single candle, was a copy of the Chant of Light. "You were praying?"

"Leave Seren." His tone low and firm, his face set.

"Not until you tell me what's going on. And don't you _dare _say nothing. Because this isn't nothing. And if you can't tell me as a _friend_, then I need to know as your second." They glared at each other, but eventually he sighed, knowing that he couldn't escape from it this time.

"I've been… The nightmares, they've been getting worse. I don't sleep anymore… I've stopped…" The words failed him, caught in his throat. Unable to meet her gaze, Cullen walked over to the window rubbing the back of his neck, tears stinging in his eyes.

They stood in silence, Seren unsure what to say, if anything at all, wondering if he would continue, knowing whatever it was, was chewing him up inside.

"I can stay with you. If you want." She said softly. He turned, their eyes making contact. "I can stay down here and wake you if… like I've done before."

At first he didn't reply, running through her offer, wanting so badly to say yes. "I can't ask you…" He sighed, spoke slightly louder, slightly more assured. "You need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Cullen… if it makes you feel better, I don't sleep much anyway." Confusion swept across his features, so she continued. "I suffer from insomnia."

"Insomnia?" He parroted, sceptical. "But you slept fine when we were heading to Haven."

"Yeah… it's more a stress-related thing. It's happened before, after the blight. I didn't sleep for months, maybe even years, and then, it just stopped and I could sleep again. Just like that."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I could ask you the same question." She sighed, shaking her head. "I know there's more going on and I understand if you don't want to tell me. But don't stop me helping you. Please Cullen."

He hesitated, his thoughts conflicted between confiding in his oldest friend and maintaining his pride. The latter won, if only for the time being. "I will tell you. I promise. Just not now, not tonight."

She nodded, smiling gently. "Well I better get comfortable." She moved to the fireplace to light it, kneeling down on the cold flagstones. Cullen opened the chest behind his desk, removing a couple of blankets.

"Here."

"Thank you." Seren stood to take the blankets, her hands lingering close to his longer than necessary. "Aren't you cold?" She asked, the corners of her mouth curling into a small smirk, her eyes mischievous in the firelight, as they casually flicked down and up. He laughed self-consciously, a slight rosy hue spreading across his cheeks.

"Well I hadn't been expecting company." The shadows in and beneath his eyes lifted a little as he smiled and Seren congratulated herself on the small triumph. Then as he spoke, that strange look appeared in Cullen's eyes again. "Seren, I don't know what I'd do without you."

She felt her heart miss a beat, her head screaming at her to tell him she loved him, to take that one step closer, placing her hands on his chest, stood on her tiptoes, to whisper against his lips that she'd never leave him.

But she didn't.

"Die of boredom?" She placed the blankets on the armchair by the fire, already annoyed at herself for making a joke.

_I can't take the risk he doesn't feel the same. I just can't. Not now at least. One day maybe._

"That could be one possible cause." She glanced up, meeting his gaze, his tone so serious but so many words left unsaid, some many feelings lost in the space between them.

"Goodnight Commander."

"Goodnight Lieutenant."

Seren settled in the chair, wrapping the blankets around her against the draft from above. She peered upwards, the starry night sky on display through the hole in the ceiling.

_He's mental to sleep in here with that. Actually mental._

She heard Cullen pause at the bottom of the ladder.

"That letter… it was from Orlais?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes it was."

"I see."

She sighed. "I'll explain. Just not tonight."

A pause and then, "Goodnight." He climbed the ladder, Seren listening to the wood groan under his weight as he ascended. Her eyes drifted shut, and consciousness slipped away.


	20. Fighting Fair

Just wanted to say a quick thank you for the recent reviews and favourites/follows. You are all so lovely!

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><p>The early morning light streamed in through the windows and the gap in the ceiling, waking Seren a little after dawn. She shifted in the armchair, suddenly very aware that sleeping on that ancient piece of furniture may not have been the best idea, her neck and back protesting as she stretched out the knots. She heard Cullen move above, the floorboards creaking, but she wasn't sure if he was actually awake yet, knowing that he'd been pretty restless during the night.<p>

She stood, folded the blankets and placed them neatly back in the chest he had taken them from the night before. Knowing that everyone would be awakening soon, if they hadn't already, Seren slipped silently from his office, glancing around the fortress checking for any signs of life, and finding nothing other than herself and a robin resting atop one of the battlement walls. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching.

Once in her tent, she closed the flap and removed her shirt, pouring fresh water from the jug off her desk into a bowl so she could wash. She splashed her face, the cold water so instantly refreshing. In her peripheral vision, she caught a glimpse of her reflection, noted the dark circles under her eyes and the deepened lines on her brow.

_This job is really doing wonders for my complexion._

Seren sighed, grabbed a towel and dried herself, before pulling on a clean shirt. She had butterflies in her stomach, her nerves already getting the better of her. She breathed in and out slowly, but a feeling of dread sat uneasy on her chest.

They were going to lose people, there was no way around it. The Grey Wardens were trained and beyond capable.

_But our forces have come a long way._ She reminded herself.

_They can do this. We can do this._

She glanced a final time at her reflection, silencing the doubt like an ill-behaved child, before tying her hair into a tight bun and dressing in her armour.

By the time she re-emerged from the gloom into the morning sunlight, Skyhold was alive with activity, the forces making final preparations before the march to Adamant. She quickly found Cullen, issuing orders in a tone she had come to recognise as a symptom of stress.

"Everything's going to be fine." She whispered as she walked past, just loud enough for the Commander to hear, offering him a reassuring smile. He stopped mid-sentence, nodded slightly and cleared his throat, before continuing, his voice slightly firmer, steady and strong.

The forces were marching by mid-morning and arrived at their destination just before sunset the following day, the tension growing with every step, with every breath. The trebuchets were readied, the soldiers prepared and awaiting their orders.

They ran through the plan one last time, and on the Inquisitor's order fired at the fortress, the flaming loads smashing into the masonry. The men cheered at the destruction but Seren's heart sank with every impact, with every scream and shout from the Wardens eating away at her.

_That could have been me. _

Cullen caught her eye and she forced a smile, but he knew. His expression was one of concern and she couldn't deal with that.

_Not now._

She walked away, to the front where the men were stood with the ladders and the battering ram. She told them to ready themselves. And then they heard the order.

They were moving, inching their way towards the fortress, flaming arrows soaring through the air in their direction, picking off the occasional few. The ladders went up, but there was resistance on the walls.

The battering ram was having more success and they broke through the gate within minutes. Seren had her orders, she stayed with the ladders, ready to climb when her time came. And it did.

She was climbing, her heart in her mouth, sweating as much from the ascent as from nerves. Over the wall, onto to the battlements, striking at the Wardens and their demons with a much as she could muster.

_Clear the path. Clear the path. Clear the path._

There was no room for other thoughts. She gritted her teeth, feeling the strain in her arms and shoulders, the Wardens giving as good as they got. But the forces were surviving, winning even.

_We can do this. We got this._

A shade appeared from nowhere, catching Seren from behind. She arched forward, gasping with shock, knowing the monster had cut through her armour, feeling the dreadful sting down her back. She fell, her mind screaming with the pain, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. The demon went on to attack the recruits, leaving Seren gasping for breath on the ground.

_I need to get up. _

_Time to get up Seren. _

_You're dead if you don't._

But she couldn't move, paralysed by the waves of pure agony pulsing from her wound, light headed and unable to focus.

She felt a hand below her arm, lifting her.

"Bad time for choosing to finally rest, Lieutenant." Dorian pulled Seren to her feet. She staggered but remained standing.

"You know me. Never one for timing." She managed.

"Your jokes _are_ always lacking in that area." He smiled, and shot off several spells aimed at the shade.

Seren raised her sword, shrugged her shoulders, wincing with pain but she was up and as ready as she was going to be.

"That one's mine." Dorian paused as she ran full belt at the demon, her sword penetrating deep. It shrieked and disappeared.

"All I can say is I'm glad you're on our team." Dorian appeared at her side, as she stood gulping in the air bent over slightly, trying not to think of the pain.

"Force of nature that I am." She forced a laugh, just before the Inquisitor appeared.

"Lieutenant, how's it looking?"

"The men are trying to hold their positions but the demons just keep coming. And the Wardens know what they're doing." The Inquisitor nodded slightly, glancing around the walls.

"You're alright to continue?"

"Of course Inquisitor." Seren replied without hesitation, determined to keep going no matter what.

"Alright. Take your squad and try to clear the south wall. We'll meet you in the middle."

"Right away." Seren rallied her men and led them on, taking care of everything that got in their way in a disciplined and controlled fashion. Up until the pride demon.

_You've got to be shitting me._

The beast was huge and powerful, but Seren's squad attacked without trepidation, striking and dodging with skill. Seren ran at it, but it saw her, so she hit the floor, sliding between its legs at the last minute, propelled by the force of her run, using her shield to protect her torso. She rolled, pushing herself to her feet, and rammed her sword into the demon's leg.

The leg went limp, the monster falling to its knees. Her squad saw their opportunity and exploited it, the demon's lifeless form hitting the flags within minutes.

_Thank the Maker._

She led the squad on, finding the Inquisitor and her companions fighting another pride demon. Seren and her team lent a hand, finishing off the monster with little trouble.

Their orders were to hold the walls, which was now a far easier task, the demons fewer in number and the Wardens either dead or surrendering. She was relieved to find that not all of them had been lost to Corypheus.

The Commander eventually appeared with more men, a little shocked when he found what condition Seren was in.

"You need a healer."

"I'm fine."

"You are far from fine."

"I'm standing aren't I?" She snapped, tired of civility. Her one comfort was that her back had gone numb, the odd twinge only when she twisted to attack. "I can manage. I'll get patched up when this is over." Cullen didn't seem convinced but he let it drop, knowing that he wouldn't change her mind, only irritate her with his concern.

And then they heard a rumbling from the sky.

"Please tell me that's not what I think it is." She glanced at Cullen, whose face was set, his jaws tense and eyes empty. The dragon glided through the air, landing towards the centre of the Fortress.

"Move! Now!" The Commander barked, and they were running, side by side, to the Inquisitor's aid.

"Dodging dragon fire wasn't part of my job description you know. I think it's time we discuss a raise." She risked a glance at Cullen, whose eyes flickered in her direction, the corners of his lips curling upwards slightly despite the situation.

"Survive this and we'll talk."

They made it to the top just as the platform collapsed, watched as the Inquisitor and her companions vanished.

"No!" Seren tried to run forward, wanting to save them but Cullen threw out his arm.

"It's not stable!" She glared at him and pushed past, though her advance was more hesitant than before. At the edge, she saw the rift close.

"They're in the Fade…" He was by her side in an instant.

"They can't have…"

"There was a rift." Both were unable to tear their gaze from each other's stunned expressions. "She saved them."

"They've no way of getting out…"

"The open rift…" They muttered in-sync, the realisation hitting simultaneously. Without another word, they were leading the men back to the main courtyard, back to the demons that were spewing out from the depths of the Fade.

Seren didn't move from his side. They worked together, in harmony, despatching whatever awful creature came their way, waiting and praying that the Inquisitor would return, that all hope wasn't lost.

"I don't… know about…you… but when this is over…I'm going to get _bladdered_…" She shouted between blows. Cullen grunted in a way that vaguely resembled a laugh.

A terror demon attacked, and Seren retaliated, an elegant dance of striking and defending, when Cullen stole the final blow.

"Oi!" Seren hollered. "That was mine!"

"You're welcome." He returned with a smug smile.

"Bastard." She muttered.

_If it wasn't for the overlying possibility of death, this could almost be fun._

But the forces were beginning to falter, exhaustion taking a hold, heavy on their shoulders and in their minds. They were making mistakes, and mistakes cost lives. Their one consolation was that the dragon had vanished.

She could feel the Commander tiring, as much as she could herself. They were missing opportunities and suffering hits they couldn't withstand for long.

Hope was slipping away with each passing second, as men were cut down all around, falling where they stood.

And then, like the Maker was answering their prayers, Dorian appeared from the rift, closely followed by Cassandra and Sera.

"Am I glad to see you!" Seren shouted to him.

The mage returned with his signature smile. "Not quite the fanfare I had been hoping for, but it will have to do." Seren rolled her eyes.

"The Inquisitor?" Cullen asked.

"Coming, coming my dear Commander."

Relief flooded through her veins, hope returning and sustaining.

"Have you not had that looked at?" Dorian nodded at her back.

"I didn't have chance between my manicure and massage."

"Remind me not to ask for the name of _your_ manicurist." He placed his hand on her back, feeling the magic pulsing through her body, warm against the skin. "I've done what I can. Drink this." He placed a healing potion in her hand.

Seren nodded gratefully and downed the contents, trying not to taste and failing. She grimaced, struggling not to gag but she felt better.

Hawke stepped out of the Fade and then came the Inquisitor. The rift was closed; the Warden Stroud did not return.


	21. One Too Many

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Seren blinked back to reality, back from abyss where she had been completely lost in thought. "Huh?"

"What were you thinking about?" She glanced at Cullen, not quite able to remember what she had been contemplating so deeply. She ran her hand through her hair.

"I… Just everything I guess. The Wardens, Erimond…" The sentence went unfinished, anger and hatred burning at her core.

"He'll get what he deserves."

"He deserved to die in _agony_ where he lay." She snapped. Cullen didn't respond, unsure how to continue, his expression blank. "Sorry." She sighed. "I'm just tired."

"How's your back?" Seren appreciated the subject change, pushing the emotions to the back of her mind.

"Painful. But manageable. It should heal up okay. I suppose I'll finally have an impressive battle scar to show off." She joked, trying to brighten the mood.

"That's the spirit lovely Lieutenant." Dorian appeared. "Showing off that asset may just expose some others too, which I'm sure wouldn't go unappreciated. What do you think Commander? Hasn't our Seren got lovely assets to bare?" She elbowed him in the side, trying to repress her grin and glare suitably at the now-smirking mage.

Cullen's cheeks turned bright red, his hand reaching to rub the back of his neck. "I… yes... I haven't noticed…I mean, I have… Maker's breath" He faltered, digging himself in deeper and deeper, the colour of his cheeks deepening and spreading to his ears.

"Dorian, you are awful." Seren saved him, her heart pounding, butterflies in her stomach, hoping that her flush wasn't as obvious as his.

"Awfully handsome? I would have to agree." She rolled her eyes at him, which he returned with a raised eyebrow and a smug smile. "I'm assuming I shall see you both in the Herald's Rest tonight?"

"I don't know, I've got several reports…" Seren started.

"Nonsense. I'm sure our charming Commander wouldn't dream of making his second work after such an achievement?"

"Achievement?" She asked.

"Gaining a new asset of course." He winked and Cullen blushed again. "I shall see you both later then." And he sauntered off, leaving the Commander and his Lieutenant walking in awkward silence.

Seren as usual found something to say first.

"It's just occurred to me. You still owe me a drink." She raised an eyebrow, a sly grin spreading across her lips.

"I'm guessing the first round's on me then?"

"How nice of you to offer Commander. I shall have to hold you to it."

He smiled back at her, amusedly shaking his head, before changing the subject.

That night Seren spent far longer than she normally would getting ready, trying to convince herself that it wasn't all for a certain Commander's benefit. She'd visited the bathhouse, scrubbing until her skin was pink and suitably smelling of the rose petals she'd stolen from Dorian earlier that afternoon.

Her auburn hair hung loose to dry, while she plaited the sides and pinned them at the back of her head, before dressing in her best shirt and breeches, and polishing her boots until they shined. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and pinched her cheeks slightly, a rosy hue appearing under the pressure.

_This is crazy. I'm being a complete idiot. Who are you trying to impress?_

_You know exactly who you're trying to impress._

She took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders, wincing slightly as she stretched the forgotten wound on her back, before leaving the tent.

The tavern was teeming with soldiers all celebrating the success at Adamant and at first, she couldn't find Dorian. He spotted her first.

"Lovely Seren!" He shouted from the back table where he sat with Iron Bull and the other Chargers. "Over here!"

_Here we go…_

She smiled at him, weaving her way towards the table through the hoards, noting the Inquisitor and Blackwall sat in the corner, having a rather intense looking conversation, with lots of eye-contact and coy smiles.

_Well good for her._

"Sit down next to me, my lovely Lieutenant. You look especially beautiful this evening." He was slurring his words but Seren did what she was told, noting the distinct lack of a certain person's presence.

Dorian lent over and attempted to whisper in her ear, although she was pretty sure the rest of the table could hear as the mage had forgotten the basic principle; that you actually have to lower your voice to successfully whisper. "I'm sure our charming Commander will be along shortly to enjoy your company too."

"How many have you had?" Trying to laugh off his comments, hoping the others would miss how bothered she was by Cullen's absence.

"A true gentleman never reveals his secrets." Dorian tapped his nose with his index finger, or at least he tried to; he missed by a couple of centimetres.

_Just everyone else's it seems._

A drink landed in front of her, some of the foam sloshing over the side onto the table.

"I owe you one from Haven." Krem pulled up a chair and sat next to Bull, smiling at Seren. "Not incognito this time?" She laughed.

"Not tonight."

Krem pulled out a pack of cards. "Anyone fancy a game?"

"Just deal Krem. We're all playing." Bull spoke, and Seren found herself with a promising hand. She drank and raised.

As the game wore on, she got better at reading the other players, noting their tells. In truth she was still losing as many hands as she was winning as her thoughts were becoming increasing fuzzy with each mouthful of ale, the game becoming more and more difficult to concentrate on.

The drinks kept coming but there was still no sign of Cullen.

Finally Bull won, letting out a raucous cheer and suddenly the Chargers were singing, if you can describe the noise they were making as singing; the game officially over.

Several of them jumped onto the furniture and Seren couldn't stop her laughter, Dorian giggling uncontrollably to her left. Krem held out a hand to help Seren onto a chair, and she found herself singing and dancing with the rest. Everyone in the tavern had joined in, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so happy, so carefree.

Suddenly, the chair beneath her tipped and Seren was on the floor, laughing hysterically, the Chargers cheering. She got back to her feet and bowed theatrically to her adoring audience, who whooped and whistled at her performance.

The singing began again, a new but equally entertaining chant, and she was dancing with Krem and Dorian, barely able to stand but enjoying the attempt.

Another drink.

Another song.

Another dance.

The night was slipping away.

Bull appeared with a round of drinks, shoving one into Seren's hands. She looked at Krem, confused, swaying a little as she tried to stand still.

"What's this then?"

"Don't ask."

"Marass-lok!" Bull shouted and they all bashed they're cups together before downing the contents.

Seren felt the burn all the way down her throat, instantly regretting it, wondering if bleach would taste better. She spluttered and coughed, still feeling the sting in her mouth.

"You'll get used to it." Krem laughed, smacking her on the back. He poured her another.

"Nnnnooooo." But when he clinked her cup with his, she found herself downing the vile liquid once more.

"Bull always says the second's best seeing as all the nerves died on the first go."

"He…lied." She spluttered, feeling the wave of nausea pass over her. Seren wobbled and lost her balance, her limbs completely unresponsive to the orders from her intoxicated brain. But someone caught her, lifting her back to her feet. She placed her hands on their chest, muttering her apologies, glaring at her feet for failing her.

"I'm glad I could catch you."

_Shiiiittttttttttt._

She glanced upwards, moving her hair out of her face timidly with one hand, discovering the golden curls and amber eyes. Her stomach knotted, and her breath caught.

"Hi." She mumbled.

"Having a good time?" A shadow of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

"I…" She swallowed. "Yes." The room was spinning, her legs became jelly, crumbling beneath her but he caught her again, holding her tightly around the waist, her hands finding themselves once more on his chest.

"Steady." He said, his tone amused.

_Maker's balls, he's gorgeous. _She took a deep breath.

_Act cool Seren, act cool._

"_You_ owe _me _a drink." She smiled, in what she hoped was an alluring manner, poking him with her index finger in the centre of his chest, while concentrating extremely hard on not falling or throwing up.

"I think you've had enough tonight, don't you?"

"I'd have another for you… with you." She corrected herself, realising just how inebriated she was.

"Another night. I promise. Let's just get you to bed so you can sleep this off." He cajoled.

She pouted, sulking. "But I'm having fun."

"I can see that."

"I'm not as drunk as I look, you know."

"Oh?" His tone sceptical but entertained, his eyebrows raised slightly causing shallow lines to appear on his forehead.

"I'm… _drunker_." She giggled to herself, and Cullen shook his head, unable to hide the amusement from his expression. "Let's just stay for a while."

"I don't think that's wise, do you? You can barely stand."

"I shall have you know…" Seren tried to step away from him, instantly lost her balance, her legs buckling beneath her, landing with a thud on the floor. That time Cullen didn't try to stop her, instead he stood with an 'I told you so' look on his face. She unsuccessfully tried to glare at him, her smile betraying her. "Fine, fine point taken. Don't just stand there smirking at me, help me up would you?"

He took her hand, pulling her to her feet, still smiling mischievously. "As I gentlemen, I think I'd better walk you home."

"How kind of you, good Ser." They exchanged sarcastic smiles. He draped her arm over his shoulder, carrying her weight like she had done for the Inquisitor so many weeks previous, and headed for the door.

"You know, if you'd been here, you could have stopped me drinking my body weight." She playfully smacked him across the chest with the back of her hand.

"Oh, so it's _my_ fault?"

"Of course. It's hardly mine." Cullen snorted as they reached the door.

The freezing mountain air took their breath away when they finally made it outside. The Commander wrapped his cloak around the two of them and headed in the direction of Seren's tent, up until the moment she pushed him away, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"I think I'm going to be…" He spun her in the direction of the bushes, she convulsed and vomited into the darkness. Cullen rubbed her back gently in small circles, until he realised she was wincing and heard a muffled 'stop'. He looked down at his hand, remembering the scarred tissue that lay beneath the fabric.

"Maker breath! Seren I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He stepped away, removing his hand, horrified that he'd forgotten.

Slowly she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "No it's fine. It's just sore." She wobbled but he caught her, switching position so he was carrying her weight as he'd done before. "Thank you." She managed, mortified at the state she was in, and that Cullen could see said state.

Slowly, the pair stumbled to Seren's tent, where he lay her down on the bed, her eyes drifting shut almost immediately. He removed her boots and pulled the covers over her, placed a paper bin on the floor by her head, just in case, before turning to leave.

"Cullen?" He paused, turning his head to look at her.

"Yes?"

"Could you stay a while?" She mumbled, her eyes still closed. He didn't speak, just pulled her chair from behind the desk and sat down by her bed. Seren opened her eyes, half her face buried in her pillow, the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Do you remember when we were kids and Freddie Sheldrake dared us to steal Mr Attwood's prize goat?"

"I do. Although I seem to remember that he dared _you_ and I was an unwilling accomplice." He smiled softly, moving the hair that had fallen in her eyes with his fingers.

"We were grounded for weeks. Mother told me I was never to see you again. That you were a bad influence." Seren giggled gently.

"My mother said the same to me. Funny how that didn't stop us."

"I missed you Cullen." Her expression serious, her voice a whisper. "I really missed…" Her eyes drifted shut mid-sentence, her breathing slowing as her body went limp.

Cullen sat for a few minutes in the gloom, stroking Seren's hair tenderly like you would a child, listening to her breathing as she slipped into a deeper, peaceful slumber. Eventually he leant over and kissed her forehead, whispering three little words in her ear. Three little words that went unheard by her unconscious mind, lost to the night.


	22. Regrets at Dawn

Hi all, sorry it's been so long since I last posted. Hope I can make it up to you with this chapter!

It's a bit monologue heavy but I think you'll understand why.

More reviews would be greatly appreciated. I love reading what you think of this story so far!

* * *

><p>Consciousness snuck up at first, teasing her from the whimsical dreams her intoxicated mind had concocted, reality sinking in its claws to drag her back to the harsh consequences of the night before. Her head pounded, her mouth dry, her body aching.<p>

_Ahhhhh._

_Now I remember why I don't drink…_

Seren sat up, clutching her head, her eyes screwed shut, consumed in self-pity.

"You are definitely no sleeping beauty." She jumped, her hands automatically searching for something to defend herself with, finding only her pillow, when she realised it was Dorian.

"_Shit._ I nearly jumped out of my skin. What are you doing in here?" She chucked the pillow at him, which he batted away, a small smile on his lips.

"I thought this was my tent?" He answered half-heartedly.

"_You've_ got quarters."

"That, is true."

Propped against her desk, he looked pretty worse for wear, being far from his usual high standard, his hair dishevelled, and he was still wearing the clothes from the night before…

_Oh my…_

"Good night I take it?" She smirked, raising her eyebrows for the added effect.

"From what I remember…" He smiled, but for the first time Seren sensed a hint of shyness, a slight rosy tinge spreading across the mage's cheeks.

"_That_ good…Wow, Bull must know a trick or two to make _you_ blush."

"How did you…?" Dorian was dumbfounded, his expression one of true bewilderment.

"I'm not as naive as I look. And I have _eyes_." She laughed a little, but his expression didn't change, his discomfort clear and she realised they'd never actually spoken about his preference for men. Or that she knew of it. "Dorian, in this job, it's hardly something I haven't come across before… I guess you just learn to notice these…things."

"How long have you known?"

"Since we first met. You were enjoying Cullen… and his _company_… I don't know, there was just that look? That glance everyone else sees and you never do because you can't see your own face…" He nodded, used to her ramblings.

"I know the one." Dorian looked her straight in the eye, his face a mask of seriousness. "It's always on your face in a certain Commander's company too."

The heat rose in her cheeks. She tried to change the subject, unnerved by the sudden shift of focus, gesturing vaguely at her desk. "Pass me that jug would you?"

"When are you going to tell me what happened?"

"There's nothing to tell." She replied, shaking her head, unable to meet his gaze.

"So dressing up like you did last night was solely for _my_ benefit? I think it unlikely, considering that you are far more intuitive than even I had imagined." He took a seat at the end of her bed, seemingly determined. "Now, there's nine years missing from your usual story if my estimations are correct. Which they always are. Making up the events myself has been _most_ unsatisfactory."

"Dorian, I don't want to talk about it." She could feel the emotions rising, the ones she'd locked up and thrown away the key on, escaping.

"It can't be that bad, surely?" His brow creased, his eyes soft and reassuring.

"Can't it?" She snapped, feeling the sting in her eyes, her throat tightened as the past consumed her. "Crying yourself to sleep night after night, sobbing into your pillow until it's sodden, an indescribable ache in your heart like its being ripped in two? _No, _that's not that bad is it?"

Dorian had gone white, his face expressionless.

_I need to stop. _

_I can't stop._

"Being an eleven year old who has no idea what she's feeling or even _why_? But knowing it all started when your best friend told you he was leaving to follows his dreams, leaving _you_ behind in a small town that suddenly became hollow and empty because he'd gone? Missing him like you've lost a limb, like a part of you is gone forever and you're left to pick up the pieces _alone_, when it had always been the two of you?" She stopped, the tears spilling down her cheeks, her hand covering her mouth, shocked and ashamed by her outburst. "I'm sorry." She began to sob uncontrollably, her body heaving, her heart aching just as it had done before.

"There's no need to apologise." He said smoothly, gentle. She felt him stand, the mattress lifting with the removal of his weight. He poured water from the jug into a cup and brought it to Seren. "Drink this. I'd offer you something stronger but it's perhaps a little early. And I haven't found where you hide your stash yet."

"Thanks." She laughed a little, before drinking the entire contents of the cup, the crying slowly ebbing away with each mouthful, until she was once more in control of her emotions.

"Better?"

"Yes. Thank you." Dorian took the cup from her hand and placed it on the desk, before retaking his place on the edge of her bed.

"Should we start again?" He asked hesitantly.

Seren forced a smile. "This is starting to sound like I'm in therapy."

"I can take notes if you'd like?" His joke earned a laugh, if only a small one.

"I'll pass on that thanks." She sighed. "I don't know where to begin."

Dorian didn't speak, allowing her the time she needed. Seren looked at him, unsure she wanted someone knowing the secrets she had buried, for someone to see the innocent and sensitive adolescent she had spent so long trying to detach herself from.

Finally, she took a deep breath and dove into the depths of her mind, awaking the memories from their slumber.

"When Cullen… when he left…" She started again. "At the time, I didn't understand why it hurt so much to watch him leave. I was distraught. For months, I cried every night until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. During the day, I was a ghost. There was nothing to fill my time. I'd lost my partner in crime." A sad smile spread across her face.

"Then one night my mother came in. She just sat on my bed while I cried, telling me it would be okay, stroking my hair until I drifted off. It turned out, they'd heard me every night but thought I needed to deal with it myself. And clearly that wasn't happening. A week or so went by, and my mother had finally had enough. She told me that this wasn't helping anything and that the next day my 'training' would begin."

"Your training?"

"Yes, she taught me everything. To cook, to sew, to clean, to run accounts, everything I'd need to run a home. But she taught me other things too. Like to dance and to sing. To paint. She taught me how to fight with a sword, how to fire an arrow and eventually to hunt. I learnt how to ride and how to look after horses. And she made me read all these beautiful books she'd brought from Orlais. She taught me the history of Thedas. Mainly of Ferelden and Orlais but she knew of Nevarra and a little of Tervinter even."

"Your mother sounds like a very intelligent woman."

"She was. She distracted me, kept me busy so I wouldn't think about..." Seren smiled before continuing. "Anyway, I became friends with Mia, Cullen's sister?"

"Ah yes, he has mentioned her." She nodded and continued.

"I say, I became friends with her but now, I think it was the other way around. Mia was, still is, a very kind and gentle soul. She couldn't hurt a fly. But as sharp as tack, and as subtle as a hurricane on occasion. After Cullen left, she came by every day to play with me, but for me, she was a stand in. And I think she knew that." Seren paused, her head lowered, picking at the skin around her nails, a twinge of guilt in her mind.

"Cutting a long story short, this one day, she comes running to tell me she's got engaged. It wasn't a surprise. Mia had been seeing this boy for months and the two of them were inseparable." Seren rolled her eyes, running her hand through her hair. "So, she tells me that the wedding is the following week and without missing a beat, she says 'Cullen's coming home', with this knowing and expectant look on her face. And I realised, she'd run over to tell me about Cullen, to see my reaction for herself."

"She knew how you felt before you did."

"If we're being honest here, I think _everyone_ knew before I did." Dorian laughed.

"So what happened?" He asked, his tone betraying his interest.

"I ran to my mother with the news. She just stood there, with this amused expression as I rambled on about Cullen. I barely even mentioned why he was coming back, just that he was. I begged her to make me a new dress and when she agreed, I think I cried." She cringed, slightly mortified at her admission.

"Not even_ I_ have cried over a new outfit." Dorian began to laugh, a smirk on his face.

"Not my finest moment I admit." Seren blushed a little. "My mother spent the whole week crafting this beautiful, pale blue dress. She'd stay up late embroidering the bodice with the most intricate designs, all these delicate flowers and patterns. I'd sit there, just watching in the candlelight. And then the big day came. I'd barely slept the night before and I spent the whole morning getting ready. I dressed and my mother plaited my hair with flowers she'd picked from father's garden. I practically ran to the chantry, unable to contain my excitement..."

"And?"

"And there he was. Stood at the front with his family." She hesitated, lost in the memory, a smile on her face. The Chantry full of light, streaming through the stained glass window above the altar. Fresh flowers along the aisle, tied to the pews and hanging from baskets along the stone walls, in every colour, soft pinks, vibrant oranges, sunshine yellow, bright and beautiful. She remembered the golden curls of the boy in Templar uniform. No, the _man_ in Templar uniform. "He was different, older…"

"More handsome?" Dorian smirked.

"More handsome." Seren conceded, laughing. "But it was still him, that boy I'd played with and teased as a child."

"Did you speak to him?"

"Not at that point. I was a bridesmaid, you see. They only have one other sister, so Mia had asked me as well. The ceremony was perfect. Mia looked stunning, her dress suited her well. And the groom had that look, you know the one where he sees the bride for the first time as she begins her walk down the aisle. His expression is pure happiness, like he's seen the most beautiful thing he will ever see in his whole life. The look of love I guess." She laughed a little. "After that they had a reception of sorts, out on the green. The whole village was invited. Everyone was dancing. And _drinking._"

"Outside?" Seren nodded. Dorian frowned. "I don't think I shall ever appreciate the Ferelden merrymaking. But continue."

"So he's there and we keep stealing nervous glances at one another from across the room, but neither of us approach. And as the night progresses it becomes increasingly awkward. Eventually, Mia drags him over to say hello, and we have this muffled conversation with us both staring at our feet, and my heart breaks. We'd changed too much, become complete strangers. So I made my excuses and ran. I ended up crying in the shadows behind one of the houses, just far enough away that people wouldn't notice me, feeling foolish and broken."

"He chased after you?"

"No. But my mother did. She told me that it was completely understandable to feel as I did, but that I should pick myself up and go back to party with a smile on my face. Put it behind me, at least for that night. So I did and when this boy, Freddie, asked me to dance I agreed."

"Was this Freddie anyone special?"

"Definitely not." Seren pulled a face. "I think I agreed to see if I could get a reaction from Cullen. When none came, I excused myself again, saying that I need to get some fresh air. I went for a walk and just kept going. I ended up down by the lake where we'd met that summer, and I was ready to say goodbye, to let him go."

"I'm sensing a 'but' here."

"But…" Seren smiled, surprised to find herself enjoying telling Dorian. "Then I heard this low voice say 'You look beautiful' and when I turned, there he was. The boy I'd been trying to impress the whole night, for my whole life even, stood with this shy smile and a rosy blush on his cheeks."

"And he took you into his arms, having his way with you there and then."

Seren laughed, shaking her head, utterly amused. "No, I can't say that's how I remember it. This is Cullen we're talking about."

"Point taken. What really happened then?"

"He asked why I hadn't written to him."

"Wait. You never wrote to him?" The mage asked bewildered.

"Oh no, I did. I just never sent them." Again, she found her fingers far more interesting than meeting Dorian's gaze,

"You're joking."

"Nope. I wrote every week for 5 years, sealed them in envelopes and… put them in a box beneath my bed." Her tone as light as she could make it.

"Why?"

"They felt like lies. I never wrote anything negative, making out that I was completely fine without him."

"Why didn't you just write the truth?"

"Because…I had this irrational fear that if I did, I'd spoil it for him. That he'd come back. I know it's stupid, I knew he wouldn't, but I couldn't take the risk. I didn't want to be the girl that tainted his dreams of becoming a Templar."

"And you were surprised by the cold reception he gave you at the wedding?"

"In hindsight…no." Seren admitted.

"Lovely lieutenant, you are living contradiction. Carry on." He gestured for her to continue, his other hand rubbing his temples.

"We spent the remainder of the evening sat on the grass, trying to name constellations or something equally ridiculous, until my father came to collect me. The next morning, Cullen was leaving again, so I woke early to say goodbye and at the last minute, grabbed the box from under my bed, stuffed the letters into a bag, praying that he wouldn't leave without seeing me. I ran up and tossed him the bag. Then he was gone and you know the rest."

The pair sat for a moment in silence, pondering all that had been said.

"Well it wasn't as sensational as my version."

"I don't think I want to know." They both chuckled.

"Ser?" A messenger appeared at the opening of her tent.

"One second." Seren threw her legs over the side of the bed, tried to stand and wobbled, grabbing the bedpost for support.

"Someone's still drunk…" Dorian smirked, his tone melodious, teasing her. She pulled a face at him, grabbed a woollen cardigan off the back of her desk chair and moved to the opening. She squinted against the morning light, discovering the identity of the messenger to be Brett.

"What can I do for you?"

"A letter for you, Ser. Also the Commander wants to see you as soon as you are, er fit. His words."

"Thank you." She took the letter from the recruit's outstretched hand, and disappeared back into the tent. Studying it, Seren noted the same elegant script, the envelope opened as before, her heart pounding.

_Why can't she just leave me alone?_

"Family?" Seren jumped, having completely forgotten Dorian.

"No." She answered too quickly, too defensively. Dorian raised his eyebrows. She sighed, knowing she was caught. "Sort of. It's complicated."

"When is family ever not?" Dorian stood, and Seren noted the sudden shadows in his eyes, how his jaw clenched slightly, easily missed by the unobservant. "I shall leave you be. You shouldn't leave our charming Commander waiting."

"It's just an excuse for him to be smug. He's never going to let me live it down."

"And nor should he. You were _disgraceful_." He winked as he passed her and disappeared through the flap with his signature smirk on his lips.

She turned the envelope over in her hands, undecided as to what to do.

_I don't want to know what she has to say. _

_She can say nothing that will make me change my mind._

_But…_

She removed the folded piece of paper, discarding the envelope and opening up the letter.

_Dearest Serenity,_

_It causes me great sadness that you refuse to respond to my correspondence, but I shall not be disheartened. We have much to discuss and I still very much wish for us to meet. Following your mother's unfortunate death, you are now my only heir…_

Seren screwed it up, throwing the letter with all her might across the room. The paper ball bounced off the canvas, landing softly on the floor behind the desk.

_She just doesn't get it._

She began to infuriatedly pace up and down the small space of her tent, running her hand through her hair and shaking her head, wishing she could unread what had been written.

_I don't want to know her, not after what she did to my parents. _

_She can rot for all I…_

"Lieutenant?"


	23. Common Courtesies

"Just let him know I will be along _shortly, _would you?" Seren snapped at the recruit, displeased by the second interruption. Brett didn't move, and instead stood awkwardly in the opening, clearly conflicted and nervous.

"That's err… not actually why I'm here Ser." Brett flushed, clearing her throat. "That is, Lady Montilyet ordered me to summon you Ser. To her office that is. Errm, urgently, Ser."

"What?" Seren asked confused. The last person she expected to require her assistance was the ambassador.

_And urgently?_

"Lady Montilyet..."

"Yes recruit, I got that. Do you have any idea _why_?"

"No Ser. Sorry Ser." Brett stammered. Seren sighed, feeling guilty for taking out her frustration on the innocent recruit.

"Could you inform the ambassador I shall be there forthwith?" The Lieutenant asked deflated.

_At least, I already had a headache…_

"Of course, Ser."

"Thank you Brett." Seren offered a smile, knowing the gesture to be small, but the recruit took it, smiling back, clearly relieved.

"My pleasure Lieutenant."

Seren made sure the tent flap was secured, before washing and dressing as quickly as she could. She downed another cup of water, her head throbbing.

She dragged a comb through her hair, then tied it in a loose bun. Glanced in the mirror, a pale face stared back, with heavy bags beneath the eyes; her reflection, at best, that of someone who hadn't slept for a month.

_Great. Just great._

_As if she doesn't judge me enough already…_

Without a second look, she left her tent, grimacing at the harsh morning light.

_Oh this was a bad idea._

Slowly, and as steadily as she could, Seren walked to Josephine's office, nervously running through in her mind what could be so urgent. The ambassador wasn't her biggest fan, her thoughts on Seren's code of dress and general appearance made clear by the expression she wore, by the fake smile and how she would run her eyes over Seren on her approach.

_It's to do with the letters._

_But my heritage can't be urgent can it?_

_No, surely not. If Leliana had summoned me…_

_Urghh, I haven't got time for this shit._

Seren swept through the throne room, trying to be invisible, thankful for the dim light of the lit candles in the room that brought slight relief to her pounding head. She hesitated outside the ambassador's office, took a deep breath, and raised her fist to knock on the door.

But before her knuckle made contact with the wood, Cullen yanked open it open, almost colliding with the immobile Seren.

"Maker's breath!" Surprise registered on his face, as he stopped dead in the doorway.

"Gosh, sorry…" Seren managed. She looked up into his face, a little shocked by what she saw; his complexion deathly white, his jaw set and brow damp, a pained look in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

Shadows appeared in his eyes, and she could feel the chill between them.

_Ok I know I was drunk last night but…_

"Watch where you're going _Lieutenant_." Cullen growled, pushing past her. She moved out of his way, pressing herself against the wall and watched him go, completely baffled.

The Seeker appeared at the doorway, stopping when she saw Seren. "Don't take it personally. He's… After you see the ambassador, I must talk with you Lieutenant. There are things we need to discuss." And she disappeared after Cullen.

Seren remained where she was, her head spinning, and not just from the previous night's alcohol consumption, unsure what had just happened.

_What in the Maker's name is going on with everyone today?_

She tucked the loose strands of hair around her face behind her ears, before pushing herself off the wall and knocking on the ajar door.

"Come in Lieutenant." The distinctive Antivaan accent of the ambassador from the depths of her office. Seren reluctantly entered, finding Josephine in the company of the spymaster.

_Ahh… crap._

"You asked to see me ambassador?" Her tone as civil as she could manage, this meeting beginning to feel like entrapment as she closed the door.

"Josephine, please Lieutenant. We are all friends here." The ambassador forced a smile, which the Lieutenant reciprocated. Josephine gestured towards one of the chairs surrounding the fireplace. "Please sit."

"I'd rather stand, if that's alright."

"Of course." Another smile. "I imagine you are wondering why we asked you here?"

Seren nodded.

"You have been receiving letters from the Comtesse de Bellamy of Orlais." Leliana interjected.

"I cannot… deny the accusation." Seren replied slowly, fighting to keep her voice steady, adrenaline pulsing through her veins.

"She is your maternal Grandmother?"

"Is that a question or statement of what you already know, seeing as you have read my mail?"

"It is standard procedure Lieutenant. For the Inquisition's best interests." Leliana was undeterred, her expression composed with no hint of contempt.

"Of course." Seren forced a smile, replying through gritted teeth. "You must forgive me spymaster. Ambassador. I forgot my place."

"No harm done Lieutenant." Leliana sank into one of the cushioned chairs surrounding a table laid with morning tea; cakes and biscuits, toasts and conserves, fine china cups and saucers. Josephine sat on the opposite side, reached over to pick up the teapot and began filling the spymaster's cup with fresh tea.

_Well this is surreal…_

"May I offer you a cup Lieutenant?"

"Thank you but no, ambas… Josephine." The ambassador smiled, poured herself a cup before returning the teapot to the table. Seren stood awkwardly, resisting the urge to run.

"As I am sure you are aware, within a few weeks the Inquisition will be attending the peace talks in Halamshiral." Leliana paused, glancing at the Lieutenant over the rim of her teacup. She realised the spymaster was waiting for her to reply.

"Oh… I am aware, yes." Leliana smiled and took a sip of tea, before replacing the cup on its saucer.

"The talks are a delicate matter, especially with the threat to the Empress. Hence, we shall require allies within the Orlesian court."

_They want to recruit my grandmother. _

_How wonderful._

Neither of the seated women spoke, studying the Lieutenant intensely. Jadedly, Seren began to speak. "Please feel free to contact…"

"We already have."

There was a long pause, as Seren tried to process the new information.

"Then, as you are evidently neither asking for my permission nor my forgiveness, why did you summon me?"

"The Comtesse has agreed to assist the Inquisition on one condition." Josephine tore her gaze from the Lieutenant, smoothing out her dress with her hands.

_Dare I ask?_

"Which is?"

"You must attend the ball at her side."

Seren snorted, to which Josephine grimaced. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

"You are to receive lessons from Josephine and myself in Orlesian etiquette, as well as instruction on dancing, and you shall be fitted for a dress within the week."

"You're kidding right?"

"This is no joke Lieutenant." Leliana's tone level.

"Do I not have a say in this?"

"In this matter, no." The spymaster took another sip of tea, enjoying the Lieutenant's bewildered expression.

Seren took a moment, thinking through her options, trying to find a loophole, an escape clause. She calmed her thoughts, stared Leliana straight in the eye resolutely asking, "What if I refuse?"

"Then consider your position with the Inquisition terminated."

"You can't…" She began to protest.

"You underestimate me, Lieutenant." Leliana interrupted flatly.

"I really have no choice?" Seren asked hopelessly.

"No. You don't. Everything has been cleared with the Commander so we shall begin tomorrow."

_When did you become so cold? _

Seren thought back to the young bard she'd met during the blight, the rogue with a pretty face and sweet disposition, who was without doubt capable of handling herself, but still managed to be charming, enchanting even.

The woman before her, bore barely any resemblance to the figure from memory.

"Is there anything else?" Seren asked, wanting nothing more than to go and lie down, to hide from the world, at least for a few hours.

_Shit, Cullen wanted to see me._ She remembered their encounter in the doorway, her heart sinking. _And Cassandra._

_Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse…_

"Actually, yes. I would like to know where the Queen is." Seren's heart stopped. "The Inquisitor has asked to make contact."

"I don't…"

"Don't think me a fool, Lieutenant. I am fully aware that you became the Queen's confidant after the Blight. You were adored, so I highly doubt that she would not have informed you of her whereabouts." The spymaster glared at Seren, her tone icy, hostile even. All traces of the earlier civility had vanished.

"I haven't heard anything from her since the night she left."

"But you know of her errand?"

Reluctantly Seren disclosed the circumstances of the Queen's disappearance, the purpose of her expedition being the hope for a cure for the Calling, and of the vague details of her possible location.

"Thank you Lieutenant. You're dismissed."

Seren bowed, turned and left, slamming the door shut behind her slightly harder than she'd intended.


	24. A Little Clarity

Feeling practically chastised from her conversation with Leliana and Josephine, Seren reluctantly headed into the Throne room. Cassandra was stood waiting for her, approaching immediately.

"Follow me Lieutenant." The Seeker didn't wait for a response.

Seren trailed after her, back out into the sunshine, the birds chirping happily and the recruits practising in the yard. Cassandra disappeared into the barracks, holding the door for Seren.

"Leave." An order to the few recruits that were still milling around. They quickly vanished through the other door, not wanting to feel the heat of the Seeker's wrath. "Close the door."

Seren did as she was told, before joining Cassandra by the fireplace.

"The Commander came to me this morning, offering his resignation and recommending a replacement." She said flatly.

Seren's jaw hit the floor. "What?"

"He feels that he is no longer capable of up-keeping his vows to the Inquisition, his withdrawal having become too great a burden. He has recommended that you take his place."

"Wait, go back. Cullen isn't taking lyrium?" Her voice was several decibels higher than normal.

Cassandra's features twisted in confusion. "He has not told you?"

"No. He hasn't." Seren took a step back, beginning to pace the room, suddenly everything becoming clear.

_The mood swings, the headaches, the cold sweats…_

And yet at the same time, it felt like the world was shattering into a million pieces around her.

She stopped, turning to Cassandra. "How long hasn't he been taking it?"

"For a few months now. Since he joined the Inquisition."

"Why didn't he tell me?" She spoke quietly, half to herself, wondering why he wouldn't confide in her.

"In truth, I believed he had." The Seeker then added, "Perhaps he didn't want to risk your disappointment."

"_My_ disappointment?" She asked incredulously.

"He cares about you, and your opinion, a great deal."

Seren stood staring at the Seeker for many moments, completely lost as to what to say. Eventually Cassandra broke the silence.

"Do not take this as a slight against your person, but I refused his request."

Relief coursed through her body. Being Cullen's Second was one thing, being Commander of the Inquisition was a whole other ball game. And she knew that without Cullen, she would have no reason to remain there.

"Believe me, I'm glad. What he's suggesting is madness! He has no reason to step down."

"I agree entirely. Removing him from his position would destroy him and he has come so far. Templars are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself, and to anyone who would follow suit, that it's possible. He can do this. And if anyone can change his mind, it's you."

Seren took a moment, thinking it through, praying that the Seeker was right and that Cullen would listen to her, that he'd accept her help.

"Thank you Cassandra. I shall speak to him."

"Good luck Lieutenant."

Seren nodded and left the barracks. She jogged across the courtyard, climbed the wall stairs two at a time, unsure whether she was more upset or angry at the Commander. She reached his door, decided not to knock and pushed against it gently, preventing the hinges from screeching as they usually did.

She stood silently in the doorway, Cullen hunched over his desk, completely oblivious of her presence. She was about to clear her throat to announce herself, when Cullen stood, yelled and threw a rectangular wooden box across the room. In her direction. Narrowly missing her head.

The box smashed against the door, hitting the stone flags with a bang, the lid hanging on by one hinge, the contents smashed on the floor. Seren jumped back in surprise, a horrified expression on her face. Cullen spotted her, a similar expression flooding his features.

"Maker's breath! I didn't hear you enter. I…" Lost for words, he hung his head in shame. "Forgive me."

Seren's heart broke to see him that way. She racked her mind for something to say, something, anything, to lighten the mood.

"At least you missed?" She offered a smile. Cullen didn't return it.

"I'm assuming Cassandra has spoken with you?" He tried to walk to her, but his knees buckled, his hands grasping the table edge for support. Seren was by his side in an instant but he brushed her away. "I'm alright."

"No offense, but you're not." He lent on the desk, Seren hovering as close as she dared.

"I never meant for this to interfere." His tone hopeless, his expression one of true despair.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd stopped taking it?" She asked gently, testing the waters.

"Like you told me about the Comtesse de Bellamy?" He shot back, daggers in his eyes.

"Touché." Seren held up her hands. "I guess we were both keeping secrets."

"I guess we were."

There was a long pause, neither knowing what to say to the other.

"Cullen, I agree with the Seeker." She said hesitantly. "There's no reason for you to step down..."

"Isn't there?" Cullen snapped. "You should be questioning all that I've done! I thought this would be better, that I could regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me." He got to his feet, his rage all-consuming. "How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause. I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it!" He punched the bookcase, several volumes falling from their places to the floor. "I should be taking it." He whispered, helplessly.

"Cullen look at me." Seren placed her hand on his arm, gently applying pressure so he would turn to her. "Look at me." The Commander reluctantly did as she instructed.

"You don't give yourself enough credit." She tilted her head, trying to keep her tone reassuring, wanting nothing more to embrace the man she loved. "On our way to Haven, when you told me about… what happened, I could tell you saw all this as weakness. But it's not. Cullen, it's really not." She paused, unable to meet his gaze. "You're the strongest person I've ever met, and you don't even realise that. I can't even imagine… But here you are. Fighting to be free." She caught his eye "And you're winning…"

"Am I? These memories have always haunted me. If they become worse, if I cannot endure this…" He bowed his head.

"You can. And you will." She placed her fingers beneath his chin, lifting his face so their eyes would meet, smiling. "But if not, we'll leave the Inquisition with our heads held high because we tried."

"We?"

"Of course we, stupid. I told you, I'm here to stay. Cullen Stanton Rutherford, if you go, I go."

"Seren…"

"Nope. No talking me out of it. I've made up my mind." Shaking her head with a smile. "Anyway, you're going to beat this. Which means I'm stuck in this shithole for the foreseeable future. But I think it's worth the sacrifice." She winked at him, knowing he was considering it, knowing she was right.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better. If it gets better…" Cullen confessed, still half expecting her to make a run for it.

"It will." She reassured him. "I guess I'll just have to make myself comfy, won't I? I might need a cot put in here though. That chair is misleading…"

"Why didn't you tell me about your grandmother?" Seren was a little stunned by the sudden shift in subject. She walked over to the door, picking up the broken box and sweeping in the shattered contents, an excuse to not reply immediately.

"Because I didn't know until after you'd left." Seren straightened, before moving back to the desk, placing the box back on the wood delicately, as if to avoid further damage.

"Then why not recently?"

"Because it wasn't relevant." She looked him straight in the eye. "That's not who I am, nor who I will ever be, despite what Leliana and Josephine might wish for."

"When did you find out?"

Seren sighed sadly, gathering the fallen books and replacing them in their slots on the shelf. "Mother told me when she was dying. It turns out Father had been a gardener on the Bellamy estate and one spring, they fell madly in love. Of course, my Grandmother did not approve of the match and did everything within her power to separate them, hoping to marry my mother off to some noble or other's son. So my parents eloped and ended up in Ferelden."

"You're really the only heir?"

"Yep. Isn't that marvellous." Seren replied sarcastically.

"What happens if your Grandmother…"

Seren knew exactly where he was going. "Nope. After Halamshiral, I want nothing to do with that woman. Or her fortune. The noble vultures of Orlais can sort that out amongst themselves." _I won't leave you, I promise. _The last part remained unsaid.

"You don't want anything?"

"Not a single penny." She said honestly.

"But you could live in comfort for the rest of your life…"

"Pampered and preened I'm sure. But where's the fun in that? I'm happy the way I am Cullen. I've lived like this my whole life. I haven't got time for the Game or whatever dross nobility busy their days with. I'm a soldier, through and through." She smiled. "Now come on, let's get something to eat."

She held up her hand, knowing he was going to protest. "No buts. Let's go Commander. Double time."

For the first time that day, a genuine smirk spread across his face. "Are you always this bloody bossy?"

She gave him one of her looks. "Don't start Rutherford."

"Yes Lieutenant." Seren thought he was going to walk past her but instead he pulled her into an embrace. A slightly awkward embrace, his armour digging into her unprotected ribs but she relaxed into it anyway. "Thank you Seren."

"Anytime." Her voice was heavy muffled, her face pressed against his breastplate. "Not that this isn't nice and everything, but you're kind of suffocating me." He released her, his cheeks pink.

"Sorry. I don't know what came over me…" He began to rub the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed.

"I know I'm annoying but hugging me to death's a bit _drastic_." Seren grinned, amused, and Cullen laughed, tipping his head back slightly, all the former tension dissipated. "Come on, I'm starving."


	25. Balancing Acts

Sorry this update has taken so long. I've been buried beneath a ton of coursework all week.

I hope to be posting a couple of times a week from now on, although I can make no promises. Apologies.

Thank you for the recent reviews, follows and favourites. You are all so lovely :)

* * *

><p>The next week was a blur. Seren's squad were training without her, the Commander personally covering her sessions, while the less-than-impressed Lieutenant was drilled for the ball. What Cullen didn't tell her, was that he was glad to keep busy, the extra training leaving less time to dwell on his lyrium withdrawal, though it often found him once he was alone waiting for Seren in the dark of his office.<p>

She worried he was over-doing it; some nights she'd return to find him slumped on the floor, unable to stand, barely able to speak, drenched in sweat and half-delusional. He was eating less every day, Seren having to sit with him to make sure he'd finish his plate. The headaches and nightmares were getting worse, much worse. It was taking more to wake him, seemingly sinking deeper every night. But despite everything, Cullen seemed determined and she could only admire him for that.

She was exhausted, her lessons with the spy-master and ambassador combined with the sleepless nights dragging her down, though she tried not to let it show for Cullen's sake.

Josephine and Leliana had been pleased to discover she had some dancing ability and a lack of two left feet; the steps Seren's mother had taught her as a child coming back with surprising ease.

However, Seren struggled with basically everything else and she was quickly losing patience with Leliana's constant criticisms.

"Lieutenant, for the sake of the Maker please stop looking at your feet. You must walk with complete confidence."

"You have seen the height of these monstrosities right?" Seren's balance waned, and she only just managed to keep her footing.

"You must be able to walk and dance with grace."

"Dance? In these? Are you joking?" Leliana ignored her.

"Straighten your back." The spymaster placed her hand on the small of the Lieutenant's back, which Seren jolted away from, as if the touch burned. The book that had been balanced on her head fell, hitting the stone floor with a thud. Leliana sighed, clearly frustrated. "You must practise Lieutenant."

"What do you think I'm doing right now? Doing this for the good of my _health_?" Seren snapped.

_Count to ten. _

_Breathe. _

_You can do this._

"Start again." Leliana pushed the book into Seren's chest, her tone firm. Reluctantly, she placed the volume back on her head, straightening her back as well she could and began to walk again. She made it further that time, before stumbling and hitting the floor herself.

"And again Lieutenant."

"You know what? I'm done." Seren got to her feet, ripped off the shoes and threw them across the room. "I'm tired. I'm starving. I'm_ done_."

"Lieutenant!" Seren ignored her, walking as quickly as she could, trying not to look like she was fleeing, knowing that was exactly what she was doing. "Lieutenant come back here!"

She slammed the door behind her, escaping into the evening chill of Skyhold's courtyard.

_She's going to make me regret that. _

Seren sighed, slumping against the fortress wall. The courtyard was quiet, except for the rustle of leaves, a slight mountainous breeze stirring them on its travels. There was a distant murmur coming from the mess hall, which at that time of night would be full with hungry soldiers. She couldn't face that, no matter how much her stomach protested.

Cullen came out of the stables. Noticing her, he shouted, "Bad day?"

She smiled, thankful for the distraction and walked over to him. He looked better, if only slightly, as if a weight had been lifted.

"You can say that again. What were you doing in there?"

"I came to check on Lexi because you've been busy." Cullen replied as if she should have expected him to be there, as if it were part of his regular routine, and just something she had forgotten.

"You didn't have to do that." She said gratefully.

"I know. But I wanted to." Then he added. "She's a good listener."

"Someone once told me that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness."

"Like I said, Lexi was listening." They smiled at each other. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes." She sighed. "No."

"Alright." He looked lost in thought for a moment. Then he grinned. "Come with me." He took her hand before she could reply.

He led her to the training dummies beside the barracks, releasing her hand only to pick up the two wooden poles that had been leaning against the wall. He tossed one to her, which she caught with a bemused expression on her face.

"What's this for?"

"I've seen Bull and Krem using them. Now I'm not suggesting we copy them, because it usually involves one sided battery of the other. But I thought we could spar for a while."

"Why?"

"Because you look like you want to hit something. Or maybe someone specifically?" He gave her a knowing look. "And as you're not in uniform, this is my best solution."

She studied him closely, noting the bags under his eyes, the heaviness of his shoulders. And yet, Cullen was doing as much as to keep her sane as she was for him.

"What if I don't want to hit you?" Cullen took a swing, which Seren dodged at the last moment. "Oh ok then. I see how it is." She retaliated, with a mad grin, their poles clashing in the middle.

For a time, they took each other's blows, stumbling around in the gloom, until the day's light vanished completely.

Breathless and drenched in sweat, Cullen bent over with his hands on his knees, his armour feeling twice its usual weight, Seren leaning against the Tavern's back wall, her shirt sticking to her uncomfortably.

"Maker's balls, I feel old." She managed, running her hand through her damp hair.

"Join the club."

"We used to play from dawn till dusk, and _still_ have energy left over."

"I don't know about that. You _were_ pretty exhausting."

"Oh, you're going to get it Rutherford." She ran at him, planning on tackling him, but he braced. It felt like she'd ran straight into a brick wall. She groaned.

"Nice try Lieutenant." He smirked at her, his arms embracing her. She glared at him.

"Kill joy."

"I've changed my mind. You're still pretty exhausting." She went to elbow him, realising too late that he _was_ in uniform, the shock vibrating straight up her arm.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck…" She pushed away.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, two seconds." Seren rolled her shoulder, massaging her elbow. "Bashing your humerus just isn't as entertaining as the name suggests."

She rolled up her sleeve, a faint dark smudge growing under her skin. "Bugger, that's bruising."

"Maybe you should think twice before beating up your senior officer next time?" He smirked at her.

"Ha ha." She answered sardonically, narrowing her eyes and sticking her tongue out at him. "Leliana isn't going to be best pleased when she sees me all battered and bruised… Someone's going to be in trouble." She smirked at him, raising one eyebrow.

"And I'm clearly to blame?"

"Exactly. Everything's your fault, stupid."

"Oh of course. How foolish of me to forget." He smiled, then his expression turned serious. "Is she that bad?"

"Do you need to ask? She thinks I'm not trying, that I think it's a joke. I mean it is, a big fat joke, but… I'm doing my best."

"I know you are."

"Well could you tell her that?" Seren snapped, instantly regretting it. She sighed. "Have you got any more of that Maker-awful rum?"

"Is that a good idea?" She gave him one of her looks. "Forget I asked."

Back in his office, Cullen located the bottle while Seren grabbed two glasses. She perched on the edge of his desk, glancing over the reports that littered the surface, noticing a page with familiar handwriting.

"_Dear Mia, I'm still alive. Your loving brother, Cullen."_

_Honestly, is it so difficult? We thought you were dead. _Again_…_

"I see Mia finally tracked you down." Seren raised an eyebrow.

Cullen flushed a little. "Yes, I forgot to…"

"Bullshit."

He sighed. "I didn't know what to say to her."

"Well, what she suggested at the top of that letter would have worked."

"I know. Have you read it all?"

"No. 'Again' though?"

"I may have forgotten to write before now…" He blush grew as he began to rub the back of his neck.

"Cullen Stanton Rutherford, you terrible human being." Seren laughed, shaking her head.

_If he can't even write to his sister, it's not really a surprise you didn't hear from him for over 10 years…_

"She asks about you. Says you haven't written in a while either."

"Well I've apparently written more than you."

"Have you heard from your father recently?" Cullen asked, desperate to change the topic.

"I received a letter from him a few weeks ago. He's… I don't know. He's getting older and without… with me being away…"

"You should visit him."

"Oh yes, in all my spare time."

"It could be arranged. I hear the Commander is a reasonable man." He filled the two glasses Seren had placed on the desk, before handing one to her.

"I know but… Maybe. After the peace talks."

"Does he know?"

"That I'm going to be a pampered princess for the night? No. I think that would definitely send him to an early grave." Cullen winced a little, while Seren downed the contents of her glass. "I worry he'll be… disappointed I guess."

"Why?" Cullen asked surprised, confused even.

"My mother left that life behind for a reason."

"That is true, but I don't think he could ever be disappointed by you." He smiled warmly, the firelight dancing in his eyes like it did back in her office in Denerim.

_A lifetime ago._

She smiled back, tracing his handsome features with her eyes, wanting more than anything to reach out and touch…

"Another?" She asked, lowering her gaze, trying to slow her racing heart, burying her emotions. He filled her glass, one hand holding the bottle, the other steadying the glass in her hand, his fingers brushing her wrist. She felt her breath catch, cursing herself silently for being so obvious. He let go, replacing the bottle on the desk.

He held his own glass up in the air. "To being a pampered princess for the night."

She laughed, clinking her glass to his, before downing the contents in one.

That night, Seren awoke to his shout as usual. She pushed back the blanket of her bed roll, and stood, her eyes still half shut. She stretched out the cricks in her back, running her hand over her face.

_Here we go._

She climbed the ladder, apprehensive of the state Cullen would be in when she reached the top. He was talking, begging someone to stop, pleading with them, apologising.

"I'm sorry… please… I tried… please… don't…"

She reached his bedside, crouching in the dark, whispering softly. "Cullen. It's alright Cullen. Just wake up."

"Please… I'm so sorry… please… Seren…" Her blood ran cold, time freezing around her. There was no sound. She'd stop breathing.

_He's dreaming about… me?_

_I'm his nightmare?_

"Please Seren… don't…" He thrashed, stretching out to someone unseen, trying to stop them.

_Trying to stop me._

She went dizzy, falling backwards, landing with a loud crash on the wooden floorboards. Cullen bolted upright, disorientated and confused, searching for the source of the noise. His eyes found hers in the dark.

"Seren?" Panic flooded his features. He ripped back the covers, crouching down beside her. "Seren, did I hurt you? Seren? Did I hurt you?" He demanded, searching for any signs of injury and finding none, reaching out to her, his fingers lingering but not touching.

She blinked at him. "No." She cleared her throat, speaking with greater resolve. "No, I tripped. Over a floorboard. Sorry. I'm good."

His expression became one of relief, his whole body relaxing in an instant. "I thought… Never mind. Here." He offered his hand, helping her to stand.

"Thanks. I guess I'll just…" She gestured to the ladder, her head spinning, giving him a half-hearted smile. "Night." She moved across the floor, turning only to climb down the ladder. Cullen watched her go, lowering his gaze when she turned.

Seren heard him return to bed, as she herself crawled back into her bedroll. She tried not to think about it. She didn't want to ask.

_It's a one-time thing._

_He's never mentioned you before._

_Let it go._

Eventually she'd drifted asleep, only to dream of Cullen battling demons with her face.


	26. Knowing the Odds

As another week slipped away, the ball growing closer with each passing day, Seren tried not to dwell on the 'incident'. Cullen was still having nightmares every night, but he never shouted her name again, although she had found herself ascending the ladder with extraordinary speed, not allowing any hesitation that could result in undesired consequences.

Cullen seemed better, experiencing only one nightmare a night, if that. The headaches were less, or so he said, and despite his obvious exhaustion at the end of their long days, she hadn't found him on the floor of his office, unable to stand, once. Still, she wondered if he was putting on an act so she would feel better about leaving him for a few days.

Leliana had revealed that three days prior to the ball, Seren was expected to travel to the Bellamy estate, to meet her Grandmother and run through final preparations. Seren knew the underlying intention was to give them time to get their stories straight; specifically the one that the spymaster had weaved herself.

As far as the Orlesian nobles would know, her mother had married well (but details would be undisclosed) and Seren, for much of her life, had been travelling Thedas to further her education. Facts of this extended tour, including the small details that would make the story believable, were concocted by Josephine and Seren had been meticulously studying the transcript she'd been given, along with the paintings and sketches the spymaster had collected for her.

Josephine interrogated her daily, quizzing her until she got every question right, even if the light of the day had long since vanished and several candles had burnt into nothing.

Seren had to admit that it was a good story. She could almost imagine it was real, that she really had visited all the places on the 'tour', could almost taste the unfamiliar food and drink, could almost smell the sea air. It was believable, but Seren hated the deceit, hated the idea of lying to the whole Orlesian court; even if they were self-righteous snobs, the principle remained.

One morning, Seren had been scurrying past the barracks, heading to meet Josephine to have her measurements taken, when two of the recruits had spotted her. Owen nudged Wilson, who looked up and smirked when he saw her.

"Not in a dress today Lieutenant?" Wilson shouted to her.

_Ignore them. It's not worth it._ Seren slowed her pace but kept walking. Rumours of her lessons had spread through Skyhold pretty quickly and she'd heard the odd gibe, but her patience was growing thin.

"Slumming it with the rest of us are you?" Owen leered.

"Should we call you Lady now Lieut? Lady Lieut?" Owen snorted at his friend's joke, and Wilson's smirk grew larger, along with his confidence.

"Maybe you could teach the squad the quadrille?" Wilson grabbed Owen, and the two pretended to waltz, humming tunelessly. They dissolved into hysterics. Seren stopped, her temper flaring.

"A question: have either of you two got any idea what it's like to wear one of those Maker forsaken corsets?" She snapped.

Blank looks.

"No. I didn't think so." She turned to leave.

"It's only clothing. Didn't realise you were such a pussy Lieut." The recruits sniggered.

Seren stopped dead in her tracks.

_Ignore them. Count to ten and walk away._

She inhaled deeply, desperately not wanting to cause a scene. And then she had an idea. She whirled round, the corners of her mouth curling into a mischievous grin.

"Right, which one of you wants to lose 3 gold?"

* * *

><p>Seren was halfway through the apple she'd grabbed from the kitchen, perched comfortably on the wall with a clear view of her bet, when the Commander walked past in conversation with one of Leliana's scouts. He nodded to her, which she returned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.<p>

Suspicion crossed his features. She nodded in the recruit's direction. His eyes flickered to Wilson, his suspicion quickly replaced with confusion. Cullen concluded his conversation, the scout hurrying off to some unknown task, before he crossed the space between them, standing just feet away from the wall.

"Lieutenant?"

"Commander."

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is that recruit wearing a corset?" He gestured at Wilson, his tone disbelieving.

Seren took an exaggerated bite of her apple, unable to contain her smile. "He is indeed."

There was a pause as Cullen thought it through, watching the recruit, the corners of his mouth twitching despite his best efforts.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes Commander?" She smiled at him sweetly.

"Why is the recruit turning blue?" He tried to maintain control of his voice, but the amusement was obvious.

"Because I'm winning our bet." Another complacent bite of her apple.

"How much?"

"3 gold." She answered slowly.

"How long has he got to last for?"

"An hour."

"How long's it been?"

"10 minutes." Seren grinned at him smugly, enjoying herself thoroughly.

The recruit was struggling, he was slumped against the courtyard wall, desperately trying to pretend that he was okay.

And then he was down, his eyes rolling back into his head as he passed out.

"Point proven, don't you think?" She jumped to her feet, finishing her apple and tossing it into the nearest bush, which received an unimpressed look from her Commander, but he let it slide. She dusted herself off and smiled.

"Do I even want to know what that's all about?" He glanced at Wilson's unconscious form.

"Probably not."

Cullen nodded slowly before saying "The Inquisitor wants to see you by the way." A smile spreading across his face.

"Oh?" She replied questioningly.

"Josephine and Leliana already know."

"That's not what my 'oh?' was asking."

"I know. Just go see." The Commander smirked before turning on his heels, and walking away.

_Weird…_

By the time she reached Wilson's side, Owen was already cutting him out of the corset. The freed recruit jolted upwards, taking large gulps of air like a parched man would water. As soon as he could string a sentence together, he began to beg.

"Please Lieutenant, I can't afford to pay. I'll do anything, please my kids will starve…"

"You're on latrine duty for a month. Actually make that two." Seren replied flatly. "Next time, I expect you to remember to treat your superiors with respect recruit. And _never_, take a bet if you can't pay up. That's a slippery slope, especially with a family dependent on you. Now go. I'll be inspecting the barracks personally this evening, and if I can't see my face in the floor, the two of you will be in my firing line. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Lieutenant." They answered in unison as Wilson scrambled to his feet, both men standing to attention.

"Dismissed." The men fled, risking the occasional nervous glance over their shoulders back at the Lieutenant, who stood with her arms folded and a stern expression. When they finally disappeared into the barracks, she sighed, shaking her head, and then jogged up the steps into the Throne room two at a time.

* * *

><p>When Seren reached the Inquisitor's quarters, Maegan was leant with her hands draped over the balcony, staring out across the Frostbacks, the wind whipping at her hair. Seren couldn't help noticing how tired she looked, a lost expression on her face as though the world before her had changed beyond recognition.<p>

_Perhaps it has._

Maegan noticed her in the corner of her eye, turning to face the Lieutenant, the corners of her mouth upturning into a kind smile.

"I did knock but there was no answer." Seren said hesitantly, wondering if she was interrupting. She quickly added, "The Commander said you wanted to see me?"

"Don't worry Seren. I do and I'm glad you could join me. I have something for you." She tossed something at Seren before she could respond, a dull metal object flying through the air into her awaiting hands.

_A key?_

"To your new quarters." The Inquisitor spoke as if Seren had thought a loud.

"But I'm not scheduled to receive quarters for several months?"

"I may have bumped you up the list a little." Maegan winked, still smiling warmly. "As a thanks for all you've done, and all that you're doing."

"You really didn't have to…" Maegan gave her a look.

"I am aware but it has been my pleasure. I have asked a couple of recruits to move your effects across this morning, so it should be ready for you by this afternoon."

Seren couldn't contain her smile.

_I'll have walls. And an actual bed. And a fireplace. _

She was practically giddy, this unexpected gift more than she could have wished for.

_No more cold, gusty nights beneath canvas. _

_No more draughts through the door flap. _

_No chance of hitting your head on the roof and getting accidentally drenched from the water pouring through the canvas when it was raining._

"Thank you so much Inquisit..." Another look. "Thank you Maegan."

"You are most welcome." She nodded, a picture of perfect grace. "I have been meaning to ask, how are you feeling about Halamshiral?"

"Nervous." Seren confessed. "I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off."

"I have complete faith that you will. And though it may not seem it, so do Leliana and Josie." Surprise registered on Seren's face. "You are doing incredibly well Seren. I can only imagine how difficult it is. It was bad enough for me learning from childhood. But you are having to fit a lifetime's worth of education into a matter of weeks. And with everything you are doing for Cullen as well! I don't know how you do it."

"You know about that then?" She was a little surprised to discover Cullen had spoken of their arrangement to the Inquisitor.

"Yes. Cullen has told me everything. He believes, as I do, that transparency is a necessity. I am glad he has you to help him through this."

"I just want to be there for him."

"Of course. Come, let's have tea." The Inquisitor disappeared into her room, while Seren took one last look across the mountains. She had to admit it was rather breath-taking, the snow-covered peaks spectacular against the clear blue sky as far as the eye could see, stretching into infinity beyond the horizon.

_Fucking freezing though._

She shrugged her shoulders and walked inside, the heat from the lit fireplace instantly dispelling the cold from her bones.

Maegan filled two teacups, her cropped curls falling into her face as she poured. She straightened and returned the teapot to the table. "Sugar?"

"No thank you. I'm sweet enough." Maegan laughed.

"You're still maintaining your famous sense of humour I see."

"Always." Seren smiled.

"Please sit."

"Thank you." Seren took a seat as Maegan sat down across the table from her. She hesitated before speaking. "If you don't mind my asking, how are you feeling about the ball?"

Maegan sighed. "Much the same as you I think. Although, for different reasons. I worry we will not be able to save the Empress, and what that would mean for Orlais, for the Inquisition. For Thedas." Shadows appeared in her eyes. "I worry we won't be able to stop Corypheus." Maegan's voice was barely audible.

"We will. You will." Her tone was reassuring, as she replied without pause.

Maegan laughed a little, brightening slightly. "At least one of us is sure. I have to admire your optimism."

"It's not optimism. It's something I have to believe to be true. I want there to come a day when we're all ancient in our rocking chairs, reminiscing and laughing about all that happened here."

Maegan studied her for a moment, causing Seren to blush. "Sorry. I told you I ramble right?"

"I don't think that's rambling. I think that's a dream. And I hope you're right, for all our sakes."

Both drank from their cups, a little lost with what to say. "I received communication from the Hero of Ferelden the day before yesterday."

"The Queen? Is she well?"

"She seems it, yes." Maegan stood, walked to her desk, opened and closed a drawer, before returning with the letter. "Here. Read it for yourself." Seren took the page from the Inquisitor's outstretched hand, scanning the text fervently. "If you want to write, I can make sure it gets to her."

"Thank you. I'm glad she's well. I owe her, and the King, everything."

"Yes, Cullen has told me. You have had quite a remarkable story."

"Hardly." Seren snorted. "I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time for a lot of it."

"I think I know the feeling." Maegan gave her another look and they both laughed.

"Yes I guess you do. Although, I think some might argue you were in the right place. Otherwise it would all have been over by now."

"That is true. Still, this isn't what I wanted." Maegan shook her head, forcing a smile. "But it's what I got."


	27. Duty Above All Else

"You're all healed up Lieutenant. That's as good as it's going to get, I'm afraid." The healer stepped back, offering her a gentle smile. "Unless you want them removed, but that's not my area of expertise. I can recommend someone though."

"Thank you." Following Leliana's insistence, Seren had gone to the healer to have the wound from Adamant checked before leaving for Orlais. "If it's all the same to you, I think I'll keep them for a while. As a souvenir." She rolled down her shirt and hopped off the bench.

"Each to their own." The healer moved on to check on his other patients and Seren left the infirmary. She found Cullen waiting for her outside.

"Everything ok?" He asked, his expression one of sobriety.

"Yep. I'm good to go." Neither smiled as they began walking towards his office.

"Taylor and Brett are to accompany you." Cullen said impassively, breaking the silence.

"That's really not necessary."

"No but it will give me piece of mind." She glanced at him but he refused to meet her gaze. They began the ascent up the ancient stone stairs, both trying to find something to say to the other. "Master Dennet has been seeing to Lexi personally, so she will be ready when you are."

Seren stopped walking, the small talk suddenly unbearable. "I don't have to go you know." Cullen paused a few steps above her, his eyes searching her face. "I can talk to Leliana. I'll resign if that's what you want, what you need."

She wondered what made her say it, why at the precise moment in time she made a final attempt to get him to ask her to stay, despite all his demons, despite the sleepless nights and the cold floors.

But Seren already knew the answer.

She wanted him to want her to stay, to want that more than the desire to fulfil his duty, or for her to fulfil hers. For him to want her above everything else.

"The Inquisition needs you to do this." He said, although he couldn't pretend her thoughts hadn't crossed his own mind.

"Screw the Inquisition." Her voice was louder than she'd expected, causing Cullen to glance around nervously but there was no one there to hear. "If you need me to stay…"

"I'll be fine. I'll manage." The Commander replied firmly, and Seren knew he had made up his mind, his determination clear.

_No backing out now Seren._

"Alright then. I guess I shall just see you at the ball then." She skipped up the remaining steps, a forced smile on her lips.

"Lieutenant!" Seren popped her head over the wall trying to locate the source of the shout. It was Brett. "Master Dennet says our horses are ready."

"Thank you Brett. I'll be there in 10." She turned back to Cullen. "Guess I'd better go get dressed."

"I guess so." He smiled but his eyes betrayed him, shadows lurking in their depths. "Good luck Lieutenant."

"You too Commander. See you in three days." Seren slid down the stone banister, her hair flowing behind her, a crazed expression on her face. At the bottom, she just managed to stop herself from landing on her face but it was worth it to see to bemused expression that Cullen then wore. She saluted theatrically, which he rolled his eyes at.

"Just go already. You're giving me a headache just watching you." He shouted from above, a genuine smile on his lips.

"Aye aye Commander." She heard him laughing as she walked away.

Seren wasn't completely satisfied but she at least felt more hopeful that he would be able to cope alone. She reminded herself that it was only a few days, praying her concerns were purely the result of an over-active imagination.

Once in her room, Seren grabbed her armour from its stand and dressed, tying back her hair into the customary bun at the nape of her neck. The addition of her cloak was the final touch.

Her stomach was in knots. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself, the face in the mirror staring back with a nervous expression.

_I don't know if I can do this._

_I have no choice._

There was a knock. "Come in." She shouted half-heartedly.

Dorian swept into the room with a huge grin on his face. "Today's the day lovely Serenity."

Once he'd had discovered the truth about her family, Dorian had been like a dog with a bone, acting as a constant reminder, unable to drop it. Still at that moment, she was thankful for the distraction.

"Stop with the full name. It's driving me insane. It's Seren for reason."

"But it seems shame to shorten such a name, even if it doesn't appropriately match your personality." She pulled a face and he brought his hands up in surrender, a sly smile on his lips. "Alright, alright. Seeing as it's you."

"Do you need something Dorian? I've really got to go." She grabbed her pack from where it had been leaning against her bed, slinging it over her shoulder as she spoke.

"I just wanted to wish you luck." Seren glanced at him, a little astonished by the gesture.

"Oh..."

"Don't sound so surprised Lieutenant. Despite appearances, I do have a heart." Dorian said with a mock hurt expression. "But you are right. You have important places to be. Come, I'll walk with you." He held the door open for her, and together, they made their way back to Skyhold's courtyard.

"How is our charming Commander holding up?" Seren could feel his eyes watching her face. As she replied, she tried to keep her expression as neutral as possible, not wanting to give away her concern.

"He's better I think. His withdrawal symptoms…"

"_That's_ not what I meant." Dorian interrupted as they walked through the throne room. "How is he about you going away?"

_I wish he would learn to lower his voice._

"He's fine… Why do you ask?" She said slowly, her brow furrowing in spite of the fact she knew exactly what he had been referring to in the first place.

Dorian shook his head in despair."Either you are in completely oblivious or in total denial. I'm not sure which."

"Dorian, just because I have feelings for him, doesn't mean they are reciprocated." She spoke under her breath, though her tone was clearly one of exasperation, a voice for her worst fears.

_Why can't he just leave it alone?_

_Because he's your friend and he cares about you. _The thought was as unexpected as it was comforting.

"Have you asked him?" He persevered, much to Seren's dismay.

"No."

_Drop it. Please just drop it._

The mage sighed. "On occasion Lieutenant, our conversations can be most arduous."

They reached the open throne room entrance, to find the sky beyond forebodingly overcast. They walked in silence for the remainder of the way.

Taylor and Brett were awaiting her with their mounts by the gates, as a stable hand approached leading Lexi. Seren took the reins from the boy, thanking him as ran off back into the stables. She attached her pack to the saddle, before placing her foot in the stirrup and mounting.

She could feel Lexi settling beneath her, to bear their combined weight, the recruits rising onto the backs of their horses around her.

"You both good?" She turned to the women who were, at Cullen's request, to be her travel companions.

"Yes Ser." They replied simultaneously, both armed and seemingly prepared. Seren nodded.

"I expect the first dance Lieutenant." Dorian said, with his signature smirk, leaning lazily on his staff.

She rolled her eyes at him, which he returned with a cheeky wink.

"You would." Seren squeezed her calves, applying a gentle pressure to her horse's sides. Lexi responded instantly, proceeding in a steady trot. The recruits followed their Lieutenant's lead, advancing through the gate, leaving the courtyard behind. The rhythmic patter of hooves rang out with a distinctive metallic note from the horses' shoes as they rode across the ancient stone flags of Skyhold's bridge.

Seren glanced back only as they reached the road, drawn to a figure stood watching on the walls, with golden hair and an unmistakable red cloak.


	28. The Chateau de Bellamy

The rain started around midday, at first only a fine drizzle, but as evening fell, it had become torrential, a storm raging as Seren and her companions rode well-worn, yet unfamiliar roads that quickly turned to mud. The surrounding fields became marsh, as the water fell on already saturated ground, thunder booming overhead, the occasional flash of lightning their only source of light. They were drenched, cold and exhausted, the rain relentless in its pursuit to reach the ground, too heavy for the clouds to bear.

"How much farther Lieutenant?" Taylor shouted in between the claps of thunder. Seren pulled out the map Leliana had given her from the depths of her cloak, trying to maintain control of Lexi and decipher the spymaster's handwriting in the gloom. The ink had already run in several places, raindrops dotting the page, dragging the illustration into a variety of misshapen forms; none of which matched the original, nor the actual path that lay ahead.

Seren swore under her breath, stuffing the page back under her cloak, hugging the sodden material closer to keep out the wind's chill.

"Not far." It was as much a lie as a hope, a prayer even.

They pushed on in what Seren hoped was the right direction, constantly scanning the hedgerow for a milestone or a signpost that could confirm her thoughts. But none appeared.

They had passed through a small village with an Inn a few miles back, and she decided that if the estate didn't come into view in the next 10 minutes, they were heading back the way they came regardless.

Reaching a crossroads, Seren brought Lexi to a stop, the horse sliding slightly through the mud, glancing down every option.

_Which way? _ Seren chewed at her lip, squinting through the darkness, hoping to spot anything that might point them in the right direction.

_Shit._

_This is pointless. _

She was about to give the order to turn back, for them to head for the Inn, when a party of four riders approached along the north road. They slowed as they reached the crossroads themselves.

Seren noticed the tell-tale signs; the swords hanging at their horses' sides, the way they rode, backs straight and self-assured, the bulge of the breastplate beneath their cloaks.

_Soldiers…_ Her hand reached for the hilt of her sword subconsciously, hidden from view beneath her cloak.

The Lieutenant glanced at the recruits, who both nodded, understanding the signal. _Be wary… Be ready…_

The leader of the party rode a great black thoroughbred stallion, all muscle and shine, which bucked a little when its rider pulled on the reins. "Lady Serenity Pasquet?" The rider lowered his hood, revealing a round, bearded face as he shouted against the elements.

"Who wants to know?" Seren replied, hesitant as always.

"I'm Ser Ashleigh, captain of the Bellamy estate's guard. The Comtesse sent me to ensure your safe arrival. You've been expected for hours." Seren relaxed a little but remained vigilant.

"The weather delayed us." She shouted back, her tone cool, revealing nothing. It was unlikely to be a trap, but Leliana had not mentioned a welcome party would come to meet them. Caution, if unnecessary, could do no harm.

"Indeed my lady. We'll lead you the rest of the way now." He smiled, despite the rain pouring down his face.

"Thank you." Ser Ashleigh nodded, replacing his hood, before setting off back down the northern road, his men close behind. Seren nodded to Taylor and Brett, and the three followed after the guardsmen.

Within five minutes, the estate came into view, the chateau appearing in all its majesty, suitably stately and impressive, in the glow of what must have been thousands of lit candles. She didn't envy the poor sod whose job it was to light all that lot.

Seren suppressed a groan, her heart sinking.

_I think I'd prefer that Inn._

The muddy road turned into a paved drive leading up to the chateau, hooves pounding the stones on the approach. Parallel lines of evenly spaced trees enclosed the avenue, which during the day, Seren was sure, would look rather charming; in the dark however, with the wind ripping at the branches, it created a far less than comforting atmosphere.

Ser Ashleigh led the group to the back of the house, dismounting as soon as they reached the shelter of the stables. In the candlelight, Seren saw that he was a big man, of reasonable height, probably in his mid-forties. His appearance was friendly enough, well defined laughter lines beneath his eyes, his ginger beard a prominent feature of his rounded face. From the way he held himself, she had no doubt that he was respected, seemingly a kind man, although one who knew how to lead, how to bring the best out of his men, a tough and wise soul. The type whose duty and honour comes above all else. She'd known quite a few of those in her time; still knew one in particular.

The Captain handed the reins to a young boy of no more than twelve, who Seren assumed to be one of the stable hands, and the horse was led away. He removed his riding gloves as he walked over to her. The other guards dismounted in a similar fashion, as Ser Ashleigh offered Seren his hand to help her down. "My lady?"

"Oh..." Seren couldn't hide her surprise, the gesture entirely unforeseen. Never, not once in the entirety of her life, had Seren been offered assistance in dismounting. Shyly, she placed her hand in his, swinging her leg over Lexi's back to step down out of the stirrups. She mumbled her thanks, her cheeks flaming.

_Maker's balls, this is embarrassing…_

With the intent of installing Lexi in one of the stalls, Seren started in the direction the boy had disappeared with the other mounts, but Ser Ashleigh stepped in her path.

"Don't worry with that my lady. Oliver here will look after your horse." The young boy appeared with an awkward lopsided smile, his strawberry-blonde hair swept back from his face and his shirt hurriedly tucked in. When Seren didn't instantly hand over the reins, the Captain added "The mare will be in good hands, my lady. These lads know what they're doing."

"I'll look after her miss…" Ser Ashleigh gave the boy a look. "Sorry…errr… my lady." He smiled apologetically.

Seren hesitated a few moments longer, Ser Ashleigh smiling reassuringly at her.

"Alright." Reluctantly Seren handed over the reins, so used to untacking and rubbing down Lexi herself. She'd also been hoping that sorting the horses would be an excuse to delay as long as possible. It was irrational, she knew, but handing over her horse meant meeting her Grandmother.

"What's her name?" Ollie inquired with a shy smile.

"Lexi." Seren replied, a forced but gentle smile on her lips. "Thank you Oliver."

"You're welcome, my lady." The boy said before jogging off towards the stalls, Lexi obediently trotting behind. They disappeared from sight.

"Good lad that one. Only recently joined us though, so I hope you can excuse the lack of manners my lady. He's still learning." Ser Ashleigh apologised, his grey eyes studying her face.

"Oh. In truth, I hadn't really noticed." Seren said with a self-conscious smile, feeling increasingly out of her depth. "I'm still learning myself."

"Yes of course my lady. I bet it's been an experience."

Seren laughed. "You can say that again."

"If you don't mind, my lady, before we head in, I thought I'd introduce you to this merry band of clowns." Ser Ashleigh gestured at the three guards stood patiently waiting. "The tall one's Parry. He thinks he's a charmer, but I doubt even his mother could love him with looks like that."

"That's not what your wife said last night Cap." Ashleigh laughed, as Parry stepped forward with a grin and bowed. "A pleasure, my lady."

"He thinks he's funny." Ser Ashleigh muttered in a bemused tone. "The short guy's Cardon. What he lacks in height though, he makes up for with skill. Best bowman in these parts."

"Cap, I'm average height." Cardon whined. Parry held out his hand, letting it hover above Cardon's head, pretending to measure his friend's height, a faux thoughtful expression on his face.

"Hmmm…In Orzammar maybe." Parry joked with a smirk. With a face like thunder, Cardon was about to fiercely protest when his Captain cleared his throat with a subtle nod towards Seren. Colour flooded the guard's cheeks.

"Sorry m'lady." Cardon stepped forward and bowed awkwardly, his embarrassment obvious. Seren couldn't help smiling. As the guard stepped back, Parry sniggered which received a disgruntled glare from Cardon.

"And that just leaves Lovet." The nondescript man on the end took a step, his movement making no sound. Seren felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. He bowed without removing his intense gaze from Seren's face, his dark eyes shallow and empty, his expression neutral, unreadable. He didn't speak, just straightened and stepped back.

"He's not much of a talker. Good man though." Ashleigh murmured, then said in at normal volume "Well that's everyone my lady. There's around a dozen other men but you'll meet them in time. I'm sure you are eager to get inside."

_That's not how I'd put it._ Seren couldn't bring herself to say anything, so she just nodded with a forced smile.

"If you care to follow me, my lady." Ashleigh headed in the direction of the house, Seren trailing after him. Taylor and Brett followed close behind and she realised how grateful she was for their presence. Having the two recruits at her side brought reality to the surreal situation, as well as inhibiting the urge to run from the nightmare she was willing walking into. A sudden thought crossed her mind.

_Shit, that's why he sent them with me. _

_Safety was just an added bonus._

She thought back to the time she'd gotten in trouble during one of the lessons at the Chantry as a child. As punishment for her insolence, Mother Leticia had instructed that Seren stay behind to pray to the Maker for forgiveness, alone in the Chantry once everyone else had left. Seren had panicked, the Chantry terrifying her during the day, never mind at night with no one else there.

When the lesson had ended, she'd glanced at Cullen who was sat across the room, her eyes begging him not to leave her. But he didn't seem to notice. He left with the rest, tears stinging in her eyes as she watched him go.

Seren was instructed not to move until Mother Leticia returned. So she sat alone in the gloom, watching the candles cast eerie shadows up the walls.

Then there'd been a noise.

"_Hello?" _No reply came. Nervously she got to her feet, her body trembling with fear.

Another noise.

"_Who's there?" _The words were little more than a whisper.

And Cullen had stepped out of the shadows with a shy smile. "_I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't want Mother Leticia to see me."_ She ran and hugged him, never feeling so relieved in her life.

"_Why did you stay?" She'd mumbled against his chest._

"_I know how much you don't like this place." He'd smiled devilishly. "Plus you were giving me that look."_

"_What look?" _She challenged, not wanting to own up to the fact she knew exactly what he meant.

"_The 'I can't do this on my own, please save me strong and handsome Cullen' look." _She'd elbowed him.

"_You're making that up."_

_He'd chuckled. "Believe me, I'm not." _

Walking through the rain to the chateau, Seren wondered if she was that easy to read, if he'd indeed seen through her attempts to appear nonchalant about this whole excursion. She admitted that Cullen probably had, thinking back to their few conversations on the topic. She wondered what he'd be doing at that moment, whether he was alright.

_Jeez Seren, you've been gone half a day. He's fine. _

_He's managed without you before. _

_He probably doesn't even notice you're not there. _

Seren knew that was not true, or at least she hoped it wasn't, hoped he didn't find her that expendable. Still, she missed him already, unable to help the feeling of disappointment that the recruits were with her and Cullen was not.

As they climbed the outside steps, two servants pulled open the grand wooden doors before them, revealing the gallery. The tiled floors shone in the glow of the ornate golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the decorative gems it was encrusted with reflecting beams of light across the room. Portraits hung on every wall, hundreds of faces that Seren assumed must be her ancestors forever captured on canvas. A pair of sweeping marble staircases occupied most of the room, leading to a balcony which overlooked the entranceway. A few items of furniture were dotted here and there, along with several handsome floral arrangements that filled the air with an array of delicate aromas. It was like something from a dream.

_Or perhaps a nightmare._

Seren heard one of the recruits gasp behind her.

_At least I'm not the only one overwhelmed by this…_

Their footsteps echoed as they followed Ser Ashleigh through a set of double doors beneath the balcony, which were once again held open for them by servants. They entered what appeared to be a ballroom, with a masterpiece painted on the ceiling and beautiful carved wooden panels on the walls. Flowing red velvet curtains hung over to the right, covering great panes of glass and a set of doors which assumedly led out into either a garden or patio. It was too dark to tell.

Ser Ashleigh told them to wait, before hurrying off through another set of doors.

Seren's heart pounded. She was hyper-sensitive to everything around her, adrenaline coursing through her, every sound, every movement, every smell. She glanced behind, noticing the trail of water they were leaving behind, like the breadcrumbs in that fairy-tale her mother had read to her once upon a time.

When the servants closed the doors behind them, leaving the three women alone, Taylor spoke in an animated whisper.

"Holy shitballs Lieut! This place is incredible." Taylor was one of the more recent volunteers, who had spent time in the Ferelden forces before the breach tore a hole in the sky. But Seren had to admit that she liked the woman already. She got on with the job with little, if any, complaint, was competent and reliable without being self-inflated or proud.

"Hmmm." Seren nervously started to pace the polished floor, her face peering back at her when she looked down.

"It is rather breath-taking. I don't think I've ever been in a house as grand as this." Brett said, her expression one of sheer awe.

Of all the recruits, Cullen had chosen well. Taylor was tough and Brett was sweet, the pair contrastingly opposite in personality, but in a reassuring way.

Eventually Ser Ashleigh returned, followed by two servants. "My lady, the Comtesse has requested that before you are introduced, you are to be shown to your quarters where you can bathe and dress for supper at your leisure. Your companions will be shown to theirs by Ina and Dawn." The servants bowed, fixed smiles on their faces. Ser Ashleigh gestured to Taylor and Brett. "If you would like to follow them?"

Seren nodded to the recruits, who quite willing followed after the two servants to disappear through the doors at the end of the ballroom. She suddenly felt very exposed and despairingly alone.

"If you'd care to follow me my lady?" He led her through the house, up stairs and down corridors. The place was a maze, seemingly never-ending with an infinite number of doors and rooms beyond. Seren was exhausted, her eyes drifting shut as she walked, so when Ser Ashleigh finally stopped, she almost walked straight into him.

"This is you my lady." He opened the door for Seren.

Her mouth dropped open, her eyes almost popping out of her head.

"Andraste's tits! You're kidding right?" She exclaimed, completely forgetting herself as she took in her surroundings.

_Maker's balls it's an entire fucking suite! You could house half of Skyhold in here…_

There was an enormous four poster bed with blue silk drapes which Seren couldn't help running her fingers across as she moved around her quarters, the delicate fabric so soft against her skin. A fire crackled in the corner, sharing its warmth as it cast a cosy glow across the space. There were two large dark wood wardrobes, a dressing table, a pale blue chaise longue at the foot of the bed and a bookshelf crammed full of books with a tactfully placed armchair nearby. A set of glass doors led out onto a balcony, velvet curtains once again hanging in front, but blue ones this time to match the rest of the room.

Ashleigh laughed, a deep hearty laugh without a hint of malice. "A nice upgrade from a life in barracks huh?"

"You're telling me…" Seren rotated on the spot, completely bewildered.

"Well I shall leave you to settle in my lady. Supper will be served whenever you are ready."

"Thank you." Seren smiled gratefully, already decided that she liked the Captain.

"You are welcome my lady." Ser Ashleigh bowed and exited, closing the door gently behind.

Exhausted and thoroughly overwhelmed, Seren collapsed on the chaise lounge, unsure whether to laugh or cry.


	29. An Unexpected Encounter

_This is actual madness._

Seren turned the key in the lock, thankful to be alone at last, her mind spinning as she slumped against the closed door. Her thoughts were a nervous jumble, her body on the brink of exhaustion.

Seren's eyes flicked slowly across the room, still unable to believe that it was hers, even if only for a few nights.

_Much better than a bedroll on the floor. _The thought ran across her mind before she could stop it.

Seren shook her head, blinking hard.

_Let's not get carried away. You're here for a reason after all, and then you're gone. _

_And you aren't coming back._

Again, her thoughts drifted to Cullen but Seren dismissed them, reminding herself that her worry for him was ridiculous and unnecessary. Still, she knew seeing him at the ball, safe and well, would be her greatest comfort.

Seren untied the cloak from her shoulders, the fabric heavy with water, and hung it over the back of the dressing table chair. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hair hung limply, water dripping from the loose curls around her face. In places, flecks of mud splattered her cheeks and forehead, no doubt kicked up by the guards' horses during the ride from the crossroads.

_Ahhh, no wonder she sent us for a bath. _

Her saddlebag had been placed on her bed, assumedly brought up by a servant while Seren was being shown around, awaiting the allusive Grandmother who was still yet to show her face. Seren pulled out the few belongings she had brought with her, a couple of spare shirts and breeches, socks and underwear, placing them in neat piles on the end of the bed. She was relieved to find that everything was still dry, the leather having kept the rain out.

Seren glanced at the wardrobes wondering if they would mind her using one. It was unlikely anyone would so she moved over to them, pulling open the heavy wooden doors. But they were full to the brim with fine dresses; gowns in every colour, in every fabric, hanging in all their glory.

_Musty dresses…_

A horrible thought crossed Seren's mind. Immediately, she rejected it and closed the doors, encasing the forgotten fabrics in their wooden tomb once more.

Other than the way she had entered and the glass doors out onto the balcony, there was only one other door. Deciding to investigate, Seren crossed the room, half expecting to find it locked. But it wasn't.

The small room beyond was humid, with a metal bath stood in the centre full of steaming hot water. It was a pleasant surprise, the warm haze instantly bringing relief to her aching bones. She closed the door again, silently thanking whoever had made up her bath.

Seren placed her weapons on the bed, before removing her armour and boots. With no stand to hold it and the metalwork still damp from the ride, Seren lay her armour out on the floor by the fireplace.

_I suppose not many guests dress in full armour when they come to stay… _

She rolled her eyes, smiling to herself as she slipped out of her clothes, the sodden fabric falling into a lump on the rug. Returning to the dressing room, the last thing Seren had been expecting was to find was a maid topping up the bath with hot water from a copper kettle.

"Shit!" Her limbs automatically reached to cover herself while the young woman visibly jumped, the kettle with her, hot water spilling over the tiled floor.

"I'm so sorry my lady!" The startled maid exclaimed. "I'll have this cleared up in a minute I promise. I'm so sorry…" She dropped to her knees and started to dry the floor, mopping up the water with the fabric of her dress.

"No, no it's fine! I just hadn't been expecting anyone to be in here." The flustered maid kept mumbling her apologies, deaf to Seren's attempts to console her.

In the corner of her eye, Seren noticed a couple of towels lain out on a sideboard. Without thinking she wrapped herself in the first, then grabbed the spare to assist the maid. "Here let me help."

"Oh no, my lady. It is my fault. You shouldn't…"

"Well I'm going to anyway." Seren interrupted as she knelt down and dropped the extra towel over the pool of water, smiling kindly. "I'm stubborn like that." The maid nervously smiled back. "What's your name?"

"Lilly my lady. I'm your lady's maid…" The sentence trailed off with Lilly unable to make eye contact.

"I guessed. It's nice to meet you Lilly. I'm Seren."

"Yes my lady. A pleasure to meet you too." Lilly's voice was barely audible, her hands still shaking.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you Lilly. I'm still new to this, all of this." Seren made a rounded gesture with her hands. Then she smirked. "Plus I haven't had someone fill a bath for me since I was a child."

"Of course my lady. Would you prefer if I stepped outside?"

"If that's alright." Seren replied gratefully as she got to her feet, dusting herself off. "I promise not to drown while you're gone."

Lilly giggled nervously as she stood, before saying "There's soap and rose petals for you to use. If you need any more hot water just let me know my lady."

"Thank you." Seren smiled

"I will help you dress once you are ready my lady." The maid curtsied and turned to leave. The Lieutenant frowned.

_It can't hurt to ask right?_

Seren sighed. "Lilly?" The maid hesitated. "Please could you call me Seren?"

Lilly's expression became uneasy, clearly uncomfortable with the suggestion. "It's not really standard practise…"

Seren nodded, racking her brain for something more acceptable. 'My lady' was already getting to her. "Then Lieutenant? Please? Anything is better than 'my lady'."

"If you'd prefer it my… Lieutenant." Lilly tested it nervously, as if unsure she was saying it right.

"I would. Thank you Lilly."

"Of course… Lieutenant." Lilly curtsied once more then left.

Finally alone, Seren threw a handful of rose petals into the water, let her towel drop to the floor and stepped into the bath, relaxing completely for the first time that day.


	30. The Game's Beginning

Lilly was patiently waiting for Seren when she emerged from the dressing room, instantly holding up a silken dressing gown for Seren to slip into. The maid gestured for her to take a seat at the dressing table, her cloak having vanished from the back of the chair, along with the puddle of clothes off the floor. The Lieutenant obliged with a shy smile.

"The Comtesse has chosen a dress for you to wear to supper Lieutenant." Lilly said quietly as she began to brush the curls out of Seren's damp hair.

Seren looked up in horror, hoping that it was a joke. Noticing the dress laid out on the bed and the maid's serious expression, it clearly wasn't.

_Ahh crap._

"Great…" She muttered sarcastically, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep. Her stomach grumbled in protest, reminding her that neither she nor the recruits had eaten anything since breakfast. Seren couldn't help feeling betrayed.

For a few moments, she watched as Lilly combed her hair, feeling immensely awkward and unsure of what, if anything, to say. Eventually, Seren settled on asking something that had been bugging her for weeks. "What's the Comtesse like?"

"Kind and incredibly elegant. She's also exceptionally generous. This is the best situation I have had in a long time." Lilly replied without hesitation.

"Excellent model answer." Seren smiled but if there was one thing she was good at, it was sniffing out bullshit. "Now for your genuine thoughts…"

"They were…" Lilly stopped when she caught Seren's gaze in the mirror. Realising she was caught, Lilly lowered her voice, speaking in hushed tones as if they would be overheard. "I haven't been here for long Lieutenant. The Comtesse is often busy and so we see little of her. She seems gentle enough, if…a little quick tempered."

"I see." Seren nodded. For a while, neither spoke. "How long have you been working here then?"

"A few months now. I needed a fresh start and the Comtesse was kind enough to help my daughter and me." Lilly placed the comb back on the dresser and began to plait Seren's hair.

"You have a daughter?"

"Yes, her name is Grace." Lilly smiled, her whole face lighting up at the mention of her daughter.

"Such a lovely name." Seren smiled. "How old is she?"

"She's going to be seven in a couple of months."

"Is it just the two of you?"

"Her father died when she was just a babe. It's just been us since then." Lilly forced a smile. "But we manage. And she is such a good child, so caring. Are you married Lieutenant?"

"No, I'm not." Seren looked down at her lap, fiddling with the skin around her nails.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude."

"You didn't, don't worry." Seren glanced up and forced a smile.

The maid finished her hair, and quickly gathered the dress from the bed.

_There's no fucking way I'm wearing that._

The fabric was a pale yellow, with a rather excessive amount of frill trimmings and an intensive looking corset.

"I'm not wearing that." Seren said firmly.

"The Comtesse insists…"

"If you knew me Lilly, you'd know that when it comes to orders, I'm very good at disobeying the crap ones." The maid winced. "And that one's crap. She can deal with me as I am or not at all." Quickly, Seren dressed in the clothes she had laid out for herself earlier, turning a deaf ear to Lilly's futile attempts to coax her into the frills. She shoved her boots on, tying the laces with well-practised efficiency before striding out of the door into the hallway.

Seren retraced her footsteps, hoping that she had remembered the twists and turns correctly, with a distressed Lilly at her heels.

"The Comtesse will not be pleased." The maid whined, pleading with the stubborn Lieutenant to turn around but Seren was having none of it.

"Excellent. I like seeing people's true colours." She stopped, glancing along a hallway, nervously biting her lip.

_Was it right or left here?_

"You go right…" Lilly mumbled, accepting defeat.

"Thank you." And Seren was off again, disappearing down the corridor at speed. When she reached the stairs, she jogged down them to join Taylor and Brett who were waiting at the bottom.

"Lieutenant." The recruits nodded to her.

"We've been told to wait here while you meet the Comtesse." Taylor said.

"Better not keep her waiting then." Taking a deep breath, Seren pushed open the doors and entered the dining room. At the far end of an elaborate table, sat the Comtesse in all her finery, lavish diamonds dangling from her ears and around her neck. She glanced up when Seren entered, the old woman's lips twitching into a smile.

"Quite an entrance my dear. Melodrama is a key ingredient of the Game as you shall see. I am pleased you already possess a basic conceptual understanding of the notion." She stood, a footman pulling out her chair as she did so. "Come here. I wish to see you."

_Here we go._

Seren obediently did as she was told, the Comtesse then circling as she scrutinised her granddaughter's every feature. When satisfied she stopped, intently gazing up at Seren's face. "You look very much like your mother. It is uncanny actually. Well, except for that nose. And your eyes are a little scrunched. But that is poor breeding, my dear. Inheritance of… _peasant_ features." Seren's expression twisted with disgust, which her Grandmother misinterpreted. "Oh don't worry my dear, within a few generations they can be bred out again. Mistakes can be _erased_."

"Of what mistakes are you referring my ladyship?" Seren spoke through gritted teeth, still forcing a smile.

"My dear, 'my ladyship' is far too formal. Your lady Grandmother will suffice. And your mother's marriage of course! She was a dreadfully headstrong girl. And your father!" The Comtesse tutted. "He should have left her be."

"He loved her." Seren's words cut through the air, her tone icy at best.

_This was a very bad idea. _

_Just keep it together, she's trying to rattle you._

"If that is true, then he should have let her marry well, not stolen her away! I mean, what did _he_ have to offer a _Comtesse's_ daughter? A life of poverty? How _quaint_." She exaggerated the last word with a condescending disdain.

"They were happy together." The Lieutenant could feel her whole body tensing, her rage growing with every vile slight the other woman delivered against her family.

"Of course my dear." Her Grandmother cajoled in sickly sweet tone, her smile its only equivalent. "I'm sure they appeared that way. But you must remember, you were only a child…"

"You have no idea what you are talking about." She replied firmly, trying to maintain control of her anger.

"Oh but my dear, I do." The Comtesse's wise eyes sparkled in the firefight, her expression one of conceited superiority. She was enjoying Seren's torment. "Why, if their life together was as perfect as you say, would your mother write to me to ensure you were returned to the life which was stolen from her?"

"She wrote to you?" Seren silently cursed the obvious surprise in her tone.

"Oh yes. When she was dying I believe. I have been trying to make contact with you ever since, but my letters _must_ have gotten lost." The old woman gave her a knowing look. "I owe my thanks to the Inquisition for finally connecting us."

_I definitely need a raise. _She took a deep breath, relaxing her shoulders, forcing yet another smile.

"You must excuse me, my lady Grandmother. It has been an awfully long day. My companions and I are frightfully tired and would much appreciate some supper before resting."

"Of course my dear! We can always continue this conversation in the morning." If smirking were ladylike, Seren's Grandmother would have being doing just that. Seren, on the other hand, only just managed not to roll her eyes behind the old woman's back.

The Comtesse returned to her seat, while Taylor and Brett were ushered into the room by servants. They were each in turn shown to their seats where the two recruits shared awkward glances across the table.

_Yeah, you think you've got problems._

Bowls of what looked like pea soup were placed in front of each person. Nervously Brett peeped at Seren who, noticing this, exaggeratedly picked up the soup spoon from the assortment of cutlery that lay before them. The recruit nodded her thanks, her features relaxing in relief.

_Cold… How marvellous. _

As the three soldiers began to eat, the Comtesse glanced around the table every few seconds, her appalled expression deepening each time. During the second course, she eventually put down her utensils and spoke.

"There really is no need to inhale your food my dears. We have all night."

The recruits stopped eating, their cheeks glowing red. However, Seren just smirked.

_My turn…_

"I am not sure I follow, lady Grandmother." Leisurely and extremely deliberately, Seren picked up the chicken leg from her plate and bit into it, holding her Grandmother's gaze the entire time. The old woman straightened, her nostrils flaring with disgust. To finish her performance, Seren dropped the bone to her plate and dragged the back of her free hand across her mouth. "That was delicious."

The Comtesse's eyes narrowed but she didn't respond.

_One all I think._ Seren thought smugly.

After her display, the four women finished their meals in stony silence, before each excusing themselves as they headed to bed.

"Serenity?" The Lieutenant paused in the doorway.

"Yes lady Grandmother?" The Comtesse drew level with Seren, her face unreadable.

"I'm sure your mother would have been awfully proud of you, acting as you do." She didn't wait for a reply, but Seren saw the corners of her mouth upturn.

She watched her Grandmother ascend the stairs, beginning to appreciate that there was more to the old woman than she had anticipated.

_2:1 it is then. _

_Game on._


End file.
